04 Sep 07Palm Foleo Canceled, Prompting Startling Revelation.

Jeff Hawkins, co-founder and former head of Palm, revealed today that he is the love child of Marcel Duchamp, the late Dadaist and Surrealist. As startling as this news was to the technology industry, it did serve to explain the Foleo, which was canceled by Palm today.

Attempting to show the futility of modern electronics, Hawkins provided Palm with the Foleo, an obvious ready-made fabrication that any reasonable person would have immediately detected was a piece of performance art.

“Reporters kept asking me questions about it,” Hawkins said, “But they never penetrated beyond the mere futility of the device into the deeper artistic meaning.”

Hawkins’ father was one of the most prominent members of a loosely knit federation of Dada artists. And like his father, Hawkins said, no one understands his work either.

“How could you people not get this?” Hawkins asked. “I mean, look at that thing. It doesn’t make any sense. A laptop that’s a slave to a cell phone? It’s absurd.

“Absurd… ist.”

Despite the bad news for Palm, current CEO Ed Colligan applauded Hawkin’s oeuvre.

“Bravo, Jeff,” Colligan said, rising from his Aeron chair and clapping. “Bra. Vo.”

This could prove problematic for Apple, however, as sources indicated that the entirety of tomorrow’s special event announcements were not going to be iPod-related but instead centered around the Foleo.

“What the hell?!” said an exasperated Stan Ng. “I mean, clearly the Foleo’s smart-phone-centric approach makes the most sense! That’s why we based our entire iPhone and iPod strategy around it.

“Well, we were going to, anyway. Now I don’t know what the hell we’re going to do.”

Ng sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“Well, looks like I’m pulling another nighter.”

Palm will take a $10 million earnings write-down and Apple will somehow manage to pull something boss together by 10:00 AM PST tomorrow morning that will redefine one industry or another.

“It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve had to do this,” Ng said.

22 Responses to “Palm Foleo Canceled, Prompting Startling Revelation.”

  1. UhhhDude says:

    Firsted!

  2. Nxxx says:

    TRAGEDY!

    Has Steve made a mistake?

    Read the next exciting instalment of “Moltz, A study of Jobs”

    Here, soon, maybe.

  3. UhhhDude says:

    Yes. I remember that classic: “Foleo Descending a Staircase.” I also remember that chamber pot sculpture with the Foleo attached to the front.

    It all makes sense now. Except for that laptop-phone relationship thingy.

  4. UhhhDude says:

    Oh yes…last chance to buy a current-generation iPod at full price, before they announce the sleek new iPhone-inspired model.

    Suckers.

  5. Ventzi says:

    6th

    And I didn’t even know that thing existed, before it got cancelled…

    meow

  6. scared monster, better known as The Amateur d'Art, says:

    Dear Mr Jobs
    One left thing to do : a John Cage Keynote. Stay on the stage, silent, for half an hour. All the rumors and noises can therefore be considered as yours.

    Then, you switch for a Zen work of art, as Nam June Paik : dip your head in a helmet of ink and draw a line on the floor with your hair…
    …er…
    No, forget about it.

    Would I be Sixth ?

  7. scared monster, better known as The Amateur d'Art, says:

    How, no. Seventh.
    Like Cardinal sins and Snowwhite lovers.

  8. redeyebase says:

    number 9 number 9

    i’m not surprised at all.

  9. Sudo Nym says:

    I am eating chocolate cake while sitting in a large black bag.

    It’s derivative, I know. But I’ve never been creative, and I crave attention.

  10. Carl says:

    There’s nothing absurd about my dark craving for the erotic allure of the 11th post.

    Grrrrowl.

  11. Ace Deuce says:

    Duchamp abandoned art for the art of chess: such is the fate of artists who pursue dead ends.

    Thus, Tic Tac Toe is my final refuge.

  12. Dude descending a staircase says:

    Check it out, bro. Now we can buy urinals at Sotheby’s. Must be why Jonathan Ive started with plumbing fixtures.

  13. Ace Deuce says:

    No, make that Scrabble, because Tic Tac Toe is too much like sketching.

  14. Streetrabbit says:

    Palm couldn’t be re-directing all their resources to sexbot development could they?

    Nah?!

  15. Rip Ragged says:

    Foleo? Isn’t that Guard Cadence from The Wizard of Oz?

    Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. Yo-oh Foleo. (repeat)

    Or maybe I’m misprouncing it.

  16. Steve G. says:

    Re #15:
    But that means [gasp!] the sexbot could be running Linux! Which would then mean it would likely have hairy armpits, smell “off”, and wear Birkenstocks. I want a sexbot, not a grad student!

  17. Rip Ragged says:

    On the other hand, a sexbot running Windows Moble would stop working at a phenomenally bad moment for no apparent reason and require a reboot.

    Overall, I think the notion of a Palm sexbot should be considered carefully.

  18. the 7 of Swords says:

    What would I want with a palm Sexbot? I have two already …

    7

  19. Carbonfish says:

    That was…

    Beautiful! *sniffles a little*

    I just love the exploration of the fuzzy interstices between art an science.

    Oh Moltz, you’ve done it again…

  20. leblase says:

    Jobs H.O.O.Q.
    (I know, it’s worthless in english, but Hawkins, i mean Duchamp painted it with the mustachoed Jobsconda)

  21. Tina says:

    Which would then mean it would likely have hairy armpits, smell “off”, and wear Birkenstocks.

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