We were totally going to do a Help Desk today, but all the questions were from jackasses who had hacked their iPhones and then bricked them with the 1.1.1 update. And I’m sick of their whiny asses bitching and moaning about how Steve Jobs broke their already busted-ass iPhones.
So, for all you morons who tried to update your jacked up iPhones that you screwed up despite Uncle Steve’s clear instructions not to fuck with them because you were messing with powers beyond mortal ken…
You heard me. Lick my area. You’re on your own, suckers.
And I totally know how to fix them, too, so you should know that I’m just holding back this information because you’re the reason we can’t have nice things.
Oh, yes I do. I do know how to fix them. Totally.
No, I said I’m not telling you. What part of “lick my area” don’t you understand?
No, don’t be an idiot. You’re not going to fix it like that.
Well, that’s fine, then. Go ahead and try that, princess, and tell me how well that works. You’ll brick your iPhone even worse and you’ll never get it back.
OK. OK. Stop crying. Stop. Just stop it.
Look, you just hold down the home button, stick a #2 pencil in the ear phone jack, hold it up in the air and say three times “ALLA-WOZ-A-NEWTON!” And then yell “PERFORMA!”
Oh, and cut a goat right before you yell “PERFORMA!” Preferably a white one.
And then hold the power switch down and it’ll restart. And go wash your hands because… goat blood… icky.
Totally. That will totally work. I think I got it off the Ars Technica forums.