Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.
But tomorrow we’re going to be off gettin’ our Leopard on and so are you so, you know, we’ll just see you there. But today we’re giving you the skinny on Apple’s new OS!
Q: Oh, man, I am so stoked about Leopard! Yeah!
A: Yeah. It’s gonna be a nice upgrade.
Q: Nice?! Dude, it’s so gonna rock! Do you know the first thing I’m gonna do when I get home with it?
A: Install it?
Q: No! I’m gonna sit on it!
A: Um… what?
Q: Yeah! I’m going to take the disk out of the box and I’m gonna sit on it until the circle of the DVD is imprinted on my ass!
A: Why… the hell would you do that?
Q: Then I’d be the dude with Leopard on his ass!
A: But it’d just wear off in like five minutes.
Q: Ah, but what a glorious five minutes!
A: You’re… odd.
Q: Yeah, just you wait. Come Saturday everybody’s gonna be talking about the dude with Leopard imprinted on his ass. Make that Zune tattoo guy look like a simp.
A: He already looks like a simp.
Q: Well… more of one.
Q: My question is more of a tactical one about the best way to get my hands on Leopard.
Q: Is it OK to knock old ladies over in the mad rush to get in the Apple Store door?
Q: Well, OK, tactical and moral.
A: Old ladies? No. It’s never OK to knock over old ladies. Well… it would have been OK at the iPhone release but… missed opportunities and whatnot.
Q: Oh. What about teenagers?
A: Oh, totally. Frankly, you can shove them to the ground any time.
Q: That’s what I thought. OK, pre-teens?
A: Mmm, that’s a gray area. You’re gonna have to call an audible on that one, my friend. Just use your best judgement.
A: Um, no.
Q: Man! This is hard! You’d think Apple would publish some kind of chart or something.
A: Right. They should totally do that.
Q: I have a question about backing up my Mac before I install Leopard.
Q: Um, well, I was wondering what the easiest way to back my Mac up…
A: Ha-ha! What a wuss!
Q: “Wuss”? Does anyone even say that anymore?
A: Only when there’s a major-league wuss around!
Q: Hey, backing up is a very important step…
A: I’m sorry, Jennifer…
Q: It’s Lewis.
A: …if you want to copy your pwecious data onto some fricking floppies or something, that’s your business. Heh-heh. “Backup”.
Q: You’re not a very good Help Desk guy.
A: Oh, please, like I’m worried about your opinion you great big pansy. Just man up and fire up that upgrade, nnkay?