29 Oct 07Leopard Review.

Rejoice Comrades! Chairman Steve has won yet another stunning victory over the forces of the unwashed, styleless masses of the bourgeois technology industry!

Leopard, a work of technological art and might wrought by Chairman Steve with his very own hands from ones and zeros, revolutionizes the desktop much in the way Chairman Steve has revolutionized the hearts and minds of both the technological intelligentsia and proletariate. It throws off the shackles of the capitalist Redmond robber barons and frankly just makes Linux look like ass.

It also has a really cool startup video and does something with FSEvents I don’t really understand.

All errors encountered during upgrading to Leopard have been revealed to be the work of running-dog third party developers! Their system extensions are clearly immoral and have been implemented in a counterrevolutionary manner.

Several imperialist patsies have attempted to besmirch this great work in a vain attempt to boost their pathetic careers while selling out those who actually contribute to society.

But never fear! Chairman Steve’s glorious revolution continues unabated! They shall burn in the fires of change! Their shorts shall ride up in a wedgie of enormous magnitude! All shall be enlightened by Chairman Steve’s clarity of vision and the virility of his execution!

Long live Chairman Steve and his glorious work, Leopard!

Four stars out of five.

28 Responses to “Leopard Review.”

  1. Ace Deuce says:

    Pheeeerst

  2. Ace Deuce says:

    Sooookunnnd

  3. Ace Deuce says:

    Thweeeeeeird

  4. Pinko says:

    Fourth and I read the post

  5. Ace Deuce says:

    I’m going to take a wild guess and say that Mr. Moltz has successfully upgraded his system to Leopard and likes it.

    Has anyone else noticed that most articles posted lately have the John Moltz byline rather than CARS staff? What’s up? With that?

  6. Don of Doom says:

    And to think I was going to read the ars technica 17 page review. Thanks John for saving me hours of time!

  7. Streetrabbit says:

    Excellent unbiased reportage!

    I was going to put off Leopard until 10.5.3.6.2 but I will now steal a WRX and ram raid the nearest Apple store tonight.

    Bravo!

    p.s. anyone want anything while I’m in the store?

  8. My worst nightmare averted! Jobs says No to OSX running on non-Apple PCs! WHEW!

    I admit it, for a while there I was scared that Jobs was going to announce that their next candy-coated OSX (Leotard) would run on any PC hardware! My fears were abated when I heard him say this:

    “Our goal is to make the best personal computers in the world and make products we are proud to sell and recommend to our family and friends. …. But there’s some stuff in our industry that we wouldn’t be proud to ship. And we just can’t do it. We can’t ship junk,…. There are thresholds we can’t cross because of who we are. And we think that there’s a very significant slice of the [market] that wants that too. … We don’t offer stripped-down, lousy products.”

    THANK GOODNESS he still has a bad attitude like that and it sounds like he will never change! I hope he stays CEO of Apple forever.

    http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com

  9. Aaron says:

    I have found Leopard to be… how shall I say it… spotty at best.

  10. Carbonfish says:

    After the disparaging remarks I received on Thursday, I promised myself that I wouldn’t make any effort at the top ten for awhile, but since everyone else seems to be off lolly gagging someplace, what can I do?

  11. FilmPhotoWeb says:

    Has anyone seen the 5th star? It seems to have gone missing, along with Airport backups through Time Machine and the TV remote.

  12. CB says:

    Sheesh! I forgot it was Monday and another CARS. So wound up with the Sox winning that I lost my brain. Never mind. I’m back now. Leopard? As in losing spots?

  13. CB says:

    Excuse while I go read about FSEvents… I’ll be back soon.

  14. Nxxx says:

    I’ve heard that the sexbots have been put back and all staff are being transferred to the McCarthybot lab to deal with non-believers.
    Moltz, you’re first on the list, only four stars.
    Still they do say that Alaska can be pleasant at times.

  15. CB says:

    Wow that was so elucidating.. FSEvents, who knew? Anyway, Carbonfish, all is forgiven.

    I too will make more effort to be top dog tomorrow night. Please remind me. Kthxbai.

  16. Huh? says:

    How DARE anyone even THINK of touching my /System/Library!

    I’ll have you know it’s saving itself for that ‘special someone’….

  17. Loose Leaf says:

    Wow.

    From intelligentsia and proletariate to ass in 18 words. That is impressive.

  18. Almost 20 says:

    “Chairman Steve was won yet another stunning victory”

    Okay. Maybe. It kinda works, but shouldn’t it be “has won”?

  19. pauldwaite says:

    Mr Siracusa: Crazy Apple Rumors just totally used your toothbrush.

  20. Sudo Nym says:

    As I understand it, the rumors of Apple sexbots have all been a prolonged case of lysdexia. It’s soxbets.

    My sources indicate that Steve Jobs is a huge fan of either the Boston Red Sox or the Chicago White Sox, or perhaps both, and a gambling man besides.

    Actually, there are a number of past Apple products that can be explained by Jobs having a thing for Sox. (That number, I believe, is one, but still…)

  21. TuCats says:

    I didn’t have time to follow the link above, but… FSEvents is the new Cocoa interface to Fake Steve Events, right? For example, I was just notified by FSEvents of a book-signing at one of the Barnes & Nobles in LA.

    Maybe this can be turned off by system preference Options somewhere?

  22. Steve G. says:

    Leopard! Whiskey! Sexy!

    There really isn’t much else to say…

  23. Klayman says:

    Friggin ‘ell! Help! My friggin’ stacks just look all the friggin’ same!
    Which one’s Downloads? Which one’s Apps? Which one’s… I think I’m going crazy here! What the f…

    huh?

    no…

    no, I’m not writing ANYTHING subversive.

    I swear! NO! I LOVE OSX! HELP!

    *crashing noise in the background*

    Und Da, I vant to state zat ze equality betveen Icons is anozer sign of ze glorious regime of Chairman Steve. Long live Chairman Steve. I am vriting zis on my own free vill.

    Signed
    Ze Klayman (no longer available)

  24. Crufty Beever says:

    4 stars out of 5.

    LOLOLOL

  25. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Strangely, this review is the one that has made the most sense out of all of the ones I’ve read. And a good third of the ones I haven’t. Nearly 81/85ths of the ones I never heard of.

    What were we talking about again?

  26. Rip Ragged says:

    Clearly, this is an indictment of the bourgeoisie of Windows. Elitist bastards all.

    Caviar Empty as they say in Bolivia.

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