06 Nov 07Tablet! Tablet! Tablet!

Amazing news rocked the Apple world today as a furtive comment at a dinner party has confirmed that Apple is working on a tablet device.

In the world of Apple rumors, it doesn’t get any more rock-solid than a furtive comment at a dinner party.

As exciting as this news is, it also has implications for the rumor business. Many Apple observers have long considered the tablet device to be the Holy Grail of Apple rumors.

“We may be looking at the end of the Apple rumor business,” said AppleInsider’s Ryan Katz. “I mean, after this, I got nothing. What else is there? We did the Intel switch. We did the phone. What’s left?”

Other than the sexbot beat (double entendres are fun!) which currently is only being worked by reporters at Crazy Apple Rumors Site, sources indicate that the rest of the rumor sites are just working on the tablet, the 10.5.1 update and what Greg Joswiak had for lunch.

“It was a soup of some kind,” said ThinkSecret’s Nick dePlume. “Could have been chili. We’ll have an exclusive on today’s lunch sometime later in the week.”

“This lunch beat is a daily grind,” dePlume complained.

The rumors sites will be holding a general symposium next week to discuss other crap we can make up that Apple might possibly maybe release some day, some time in the future.

38 Responses to “Tablet! Tablet! Tablet!”

  1. Steve says:

    Great I get to be first and not even have to read the article.

  2. Steve says:

    Oh and by the way, this is the second time I’ve ever posted and the second time I’m first. So I’m batting 1,000. I’ll need to quit while I’m ahead. Go out a winner. Or whiner, whatever.

  3. David Syzdek says:

    Could I really be #3? Naw, life would never be that good.

  4. zbrimhall says:


  5. Streetrabbit says:

    John, if you’re going to the symposium… probably best you don’t mention the Space Ark or the Low Earth Orbit Mind Control Platform.

    We understand but a lot of others might think you’re a whacko.

  6. Ace Deuce says:

    Will the tablet have an enteric coating to ease swallowing?

    Will the sexbot swallow?

  7. digitalcowboy says:

    I hope the answer to at least one of those questions is “no.” It would suck if my sexbot swallowed my iTablet.

    And not in a good way.

  8. Huh? iTablet? Which OS they have to operate it?

  9. ryan says:

    its underdog posting time (although I have never cracked a top 5… I need growl or something)

    I wanna tablet… I have everything else. I now have a separate wacom and computer.. I want them to be one… gimme a tablet

  10. Nxxx says:

    When you get to my age, they give you so many tablets a day, that you rattle.
    BTW:-Steve Jobs is Prince AND The Artist Previously Known as Prince.

  11. scared monster, also known as Living Proof Of Something, Surely, says:

    Definitively Pot Au Feu.
    I let you Google that.

  12. CB says:

    Ah so late to the game… But I see a tablet on the table.

  13. FilmPhotoWeb says:

    What do you get if you cross an iTablet with one of those trĂ©s cool Microsoft surface table computer thingys? Give up? A – Welcome to the social disease.

    Okay, it wasn’t that funny, but neither is being number 14…

  14. m says:


    Shouldn’t be too hard for Apple…

  15. Harold says:

    I hear Disney will launch a takeover bid on Apple any day now.

  16. Klayman says:

    c’mon John, there’s so many rediculous rumors to be spread. Here’s just a few:

    – iContactLens (with retinal multitouch interface)
    – iBrain (direct WiUltraGigaMax-Human/Brain plugin interface, a la Johnny Mnemonic)
    – .Tron (yes, the next step for .Mac is weird glowing costumes and Frisbee Interface, which will have a really really really wicked super cool never seen before Bitten Apple ™ form factor and no buttons at all)
    – iThirdLife (minimalist next gen Second Life with Virtual GeniusBar. Only Apple can make that shit work)

    And I could go on… only I’ve just got a call from Apple Legal Dep.
    So just… disregard this post.


  17. Candace says:

    My friend who owns an iPod said she heard from her hairdresser that a guy down the street who cuts her lawn has a neighbor who’s a stockbroker and he told someone at lunch that he read somewhere that Apple was buying Sony.

    So it must be true.

  18. Ephraim says:

    What’s left?

    WHAT’S LEFT???

    Apple + Disney. Disney + Apple.


    You get the idea.

  19. Steve G. says:

    The whole dinner party thing would only really be believable if somebody actually said what was served for dinner. I mean, if they all had bean burritos, the whole iTablet thing could have been a cry for Gas-X.

  20. TuCats says:


    A tablet of some kind, with a “rock” solid multi-touch interface.

    Approximately ten basic functions inscribed in permanent storage, with lots of extra disk space for interpretation, excuses and rationalizations.

    Based largely on what Jobs asks (nay, requires) of the rest of us in our daily iLife.

    Designed to rest comfortable in the crook of each arm without interfering with your flowing beard.

    Holy Moses!

  21. Rip Ragged says:

    It isn’t a tablet; it’s a pill. 300 mg. Take it and go back to bed, John. The doctor warned you what would happen if you didn’t take it, and now look at you.

    And take that thing off your forehead.

  22. Apple Lopsider says:

    Here are some other suggestions from my notes for the symposium this afternoon:

    1.) Apple plans to buy Dell and leave it parked outside its annoying neighbors house, using it only for spare parts.

    2.) Apple and Nintendo are joining forces for the release of WiiHD. Planned for 2009, the console will use a control system we’re all familiar with: our fists. Beta testers playing pre-release versions of Big Bobba’s Boxing Blowout have reported damage to their television sets after repeated beating. Nintendo plans to combat the issue by including an elasticated band with every console; the band should be used to strap pillows to idiots’ faces, suffocating them, and thus eliminating the problem.

    3.) The Beatles. iTunes. Maybe January?

    4.) Steve Jobs may be his own bodyguard. You know the chap, the one in the red and yellow armor-plated mechanical bodysuit. Speculation is that the disguising carapace contraption is based on the suit he developed while escaping Wong Chu’s laboratory during his capture several years ago.

    5.) Same story, but he’s Batman instead.

    6.) Some crap about HD content/pricing restructuring in the iTunes movie store.

    I think these suggestions, padded with the usual tosh about minor upgrades and system updates, should keep us in business for the next few years.

  23. Klayman says:

    … so, there I was, having low fat synthetic tofu with a guy from Adobes Spam dep., when this other guy we knew from that party down at HP passed by, talking (quite loudly) through his gPhone with somebody else about how to port Aqua to the new iTablet and why the hell the Pizza he ordered had anchovies, when he specifically said he didn’t want anchovies…

    But I’m not sure if he was talking bull. I mean, everyone likes anchovies, right?

  24. Overclocked Lemon says:

    If you look at certain sites, it’s the xMac! xMac! xMac! xMac! xMac! OMG, xMac!

    Whatever the crap that is. It’s a low priced tower! It’s a beige box! It’s a Cube! It’s, it’s, it’s got a replaceable graphics card. For all those aftermarket Mac graphics cards out there, ya know.

  25. Klayman says:

    yep. beige is the new Al SiO2. Only it’s coded Be IgE2. So it fits inside those nifty little buttons…

  26. MilkAndChase says:


    I … i think I’m in heaven. Apple making a Tablet? I would buy this! (yeah, I said that about the iPhone, but I’m working on the crash issue – which Apple store to run my car through to get one.)

    But a Tablet!?! I wanna see Jobs do the demo!

    Wheeee!!!! Yay!! *Happy Dance*

    Why are my coworkers hiding the coffee machine?

  27. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Really, you’re a very attractive and smart Apple rumor site. There are plenty of fine Apple rumors out there just looking for a site like you! Just because this one rumor who you’ve been with for so long has left you doesn’t mean that you’re not still attractive to other rumors as well. Lots of fish in the ocean, ya know?

    So go ahead, have a good cry, you deserve it! Get it out of your system and then wash your face and get out there with confidence. You’re a better Apple rumor site because of what you’ve been through. Just don’t throw yourself at the first Apple rumor that comes along. Be picky. Only give your time to the Apple rumor that is good enough for you.

    You’re not going to turn Windows on us are you?

  28. fractured cell says:

    brain too frazzled to think…

    need tablet…

    will it boost my intelegence if i swallow an iTablet?

    will the RAM go straight to my thighs?

    we need more information…

    excuse me, i just need to go stick my heaaad in the freezer for an hour (again)

    O_o weeeble…

  29. fractured cell says:

    brain too frazzled to think…

    need tablet…

    will it boost my intelegence if i swallow an iTablet?

    will the RAM go straight to my thighs?

    we need more information…

    excuse me, i just need to go stick my heaaad in the freezer for an hour (again)

    O_o weeeble…

  30. fractured cell says:

    brain too frazzled to think…

    need tablet…

    will it boost my intelegence if i swallow an iTablet?

    will the RAM go straight to my thighs?

    we need more information…

    excuse me, i just need to go stick my heaaad in the freezer for an hour (again)

    O_o weeeble…

  31. fractured cell says:

    brain too frazzled to think…

    need tablet…

    will it boost my intelegence if i swallow an iTablet?

    will the RAM go straight to my thighs?

    we need more information…

    excuse me, i just need to go stick my heaaad in the freezer for an hour (again)

    O_o weeeble…

  32. MarkMac says:

    I like the quote (from the linked page) , “Asus is helping Apple build a Tablet PC” because it is either false to begin with or it became false the moment they posted it because Jobs will strike down upon them with great vengeance and furious canceling of contracts.

  33. Rip Ragged says:

    A tablet is just what I need to complement my collection of Applebilia. Macs, iPhones, iPods, MacBooks, numerous system disks, a shitload of those little white logo stickers and proof of purchase seals, and a frigging Tablet. Yippee.

    I’m excited. I also think I’m getting a zit on the back of my arm. Does that matter?

  34. Moses (the prophet) says:

    I’ll take two.



  35. Doc W0lfram says:

    Waiting for Moltz is like waiting for Godot.

  36. Mark Whybird says:

    iFirstAidKit. Delivers all known medical cures for $0.99 each.

    The cool thing is the integration. Having an iFirstAidKit on your local wireless network activates access to a special advanced mode on the SexBot.

    Details to come later. A lot.

  37. No Problem… I thought this was about REAL Tablets and First Aid – Ha Ha