08 Nov 07Apple Release Notes To Get More Cryptic.

Apple’s release notes, oft criticized for their scarcity of information, are about to get even more cryptic.

When Apple delivers the iPhone 1.1.2 update tomorrow, sources say, the company will have the release notes performed by mimes, the first in its new strategy for the medium.

“Many developers do not realize this,” said Apple’s senior vice president of software engineering Bertrand Serlet, “But we consider our release notes to be performance art.

“We tried a minimalist style – giving out as little information about a particular update – and it apparently wasn’t popular so we’re taking it in a different direction. Now our users can have a greater appreciation for the pathos, humor and joie de vivre of the iPhone 1.1.2 update than can be expressed through the mere written word.”

Some, however, expressed concern over the move.

“Apple should really be careful here,” said TidBITS‘ Adam Engst. “Because some people really hate mimes. Like all people. It’s one of the few things that brings people of all kinds together. Except the French, of course.”

Indeed, according to the Anti-Defamation League, the number of hate crimes against mimes was greater in 2006 than those against any other group, with the exception of gay black Jewish lawyers.

It’s still unknown exactly how mimes will be able to convey complex ideas such as “There is a known issue with garbage-collected applications using Core Image to process frames from Core Video”. But Serlet insisted that Apple followers will be swept away by the emotional power of a mime performing release notes such as “Xcode now passes the path to the SDK in use to Rez using the -isysroot flag”.

Apple customers are asked to tip the mimes whatever spare change they have and to refrain from kicking them, no matter how great the temptation.

31 Responses to “Apple Release Notes To Get More Cryptic.”

  1. Ace Deuce says:

    Ace!

  2. Ace Deuce says:

    Deuce!

  3. Ace Deuce says:

    If only Marcel Marceau had lived a little longer to see this…

  4. Vermilion says:

    The remainder of this comment will be performed via mime. Please direct your attention to my house.

  5. Streetrabbit says:

    Even WordPress hates mimes. It wouldn’t let me submit a blank comment.

    I would’ve been the only one to think of that too.

    Just imagine how funny it would’ve been…..

    ….

  6. Nxxx says:

    Hate to correct you John but the 2006 figures were for gay black one legged Jewish lawyers.

  7. Eight is great! Mimes are for nine. 😛

  8. Sudo Nym says:

    Apple’s behind the curve on this one. I’ve been getting MIME attachments on my email for years.

  9. FilmPhotoWeb says:

    10 is cryptically the new 1

  10. CB says:

    Oh, just missed it. Love the mimes.

  11. zbrimhall says:

    11 is the new 3.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Mimes….
    Why did it have to be mimes….

    *shudder*

  13. scared monster, also known as Living Proof Of Something, Surely, says:

    Ici, ce n’est pas que nous n’aimons pas les mimes
    nous les exportons.

  14. TuCats says:

    Apparantly, all new press releases also are to be produced on MIMEograph machines.

    Aaaahhhh, the smell of duplicating fluid in the morning – it smells like victory!

  15. Anonymous says:

    O_o

    (mimes the word “mime?”)

  16. Anonymous says:

    to be anonymous is to be a mime of life

  17. Chris says:

    Reminds me of the mime in the movie “The Aristocrats” who expertly told the joke of the same name.

  18. Chris says:

    A mime is a terrible thing to waste.

  19. blank says:

    Almost anything beats being trapped in an invisible box. No wonder the mimes took Apple’s job offer.

  20. Nobody will ever use more than 64K of RAM says:

    In base ten I’m mime.

  21. Joe Anonymous says:

    But what do we do with them after they deliver the release notes? We can’t just release them to the environment because Greenpeace won’t like it. And it’s too expensive to send them back to Cupertino.

    Maybe I can return them at Walmart for a store credit. They’ll take anything back.

  22. A mime from France says:

    Best. CARS. Story. Ever.

    I’d pay for this site.

  23. Ace Deuce says:

    I might be induced to mime paying for this site.

  24. Q: If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would it make a sound?

    Q: If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would anyone care?

    Q: When you shoot a mime, do you have to use a silencer?

    Q: When a mime gets arrested, do the police bother to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

  25. Zo says:

    >A mime from France Says:
    >November 9th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
    >Best. CARS. Story. Ever.

    Oh it is not. I’ll tell you when. (Don’t hold breath.)

  26. Ed says:

    You cant see this, but I am miming the words “clever post”.

  27. JUST BUY A ZUNE!

    Just checking in! I see you people are still having a LOT of problems!
    Buy Vista!
    http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com

  28. Basically nothing notable going on lately. Pretty much nothing seems worth doing, but that’s how it is. So it goes.

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