I keep hearing this whiny-assed crap from no good Mac-using bitches that are sitting at home in their parents’ basement wondering when the Cyber Apocalypse is going to affect them.
Well, game on, my multi-sided-dice-rolling Cheeto-snarfing HyperCard-using evil-goat-worshipping cream puffs.
Because word on the street is Steve Wozniak just got turned into a robot.
“Oh, noes! Not teh Woz!” sez my little LOL kitties. “I can has Woz?!”
No! You can, uh, not has Woz! Give it a try! You’ll be all “Oh, Woz, you’re the funny and personable Apple co-founder, what with your dating of noted comediennes and penchant for cutting your meat with a business card and disinclination to fire people at the drop of a hat! Give me some sugar!”
And he’ll be all “CRUSH. KILL. DESTROY. CRUSH. KILL. DESTROY.”
And don’t say we didn’t warn you, my nasty hoes. No, since day one (literally!) we’ve been the only Apple site to give you the straight poop on this so-called “Woz” and how he’s a threat to the youth of America. And a brain-sucking zombie.
Why, check out this criticism of Woz we offered over a year ago:
Wozniak is probably the most fluffed Apple celebrity there is. While Jobs gets more praise, he also gets a lot of criticism. Wozniak is uniformly treated like a great big teddy bear that is just so snuggle-ums and wuv-ums wherever he goes.
Indeed. And now he’s a psycho killer robot. Advantage Crazy Apple Rumors Site.
So, look. I don’t want to hear a lot of namby-pamby crap about how the Cyber Apocalypse don’t affect you.
Let me put this in terms even the dimmest Mac user can understand.
Steve Wozniak is coming to destroy you and everything you hold dear.
Your best bet is to try to dump him into a vat of liquid oxygen in the hopes that you can shatter him in such a manner that his liquid metal composites will not be able to reform the WozBot.
Go see if any of the other so-called Apple news and rumor sites are giving you the 411 on the great threat posed by the WozBot.