For those of you who might have missed our posting earlier today, CNet’s Tom Krazit was kind enough to quote me in a piece on the whole Mac vs. Windows thing you may have heard of once or twice in the past 17 years. While we were pleased that Krazit sought the opinion of such a respected Apple publication, the piece misses several salient points of the debate, which I will now elucidate.
- PC users usually smell like dirty sweat socks. Mac users always smell as fresh as a summer rose. If only because so many of us use Summer Rose Feminine Deodorant Spray.
- PC users iz stoopid. Mac users iz teh smart.
- While one often hears about how Macs are gay, simple statistics dictate that because there are more Windows users, there are more Windows users who are gay. Even if gay people are more inclined to use the Mac simply because they have a better sense of style, statistically, more gay people use Windows. So, who’s gay now? Why it is you, the Windows user who is gay. On the other hand, you do look good in those chaps. I couldn’t pull off that look, but you make it look good. Do you work out? Not that I’m hitting on you or anything. I’m not. I’m just saying if I were gay…
- It’s a well-known fact that Windows crashes all the time and that Macs never c
- I heard that Bill Gates spent the summer of 1978 killing hookers in Albuquerque and, if you listen closely, you can still hear their screams every time Windows boots up. Well, that’s what I heard. But it’s also possible it’s just the screams of the people who have to use Windows. Most of whom are corporate hookers which kind of brings the whole argument full circle. QED.
- For the last time, Mac users do not believe that Steve Jobs is god! Ha-ha-ha! Don’t be foolish! That would be absurd! Preposterous! We simply believe – and this should be fairly obviously true to everyone based on the evidence at hand! – that he is Der Ubermensch, a perfectly evolved individual whose indomitable will will bring about a utopian society where Mac users and iPod users alike will live in perfect harmony with nature and their fellow Mac and iPod users. And, yes, Windows users must be purged in the flames of perdition as the leeching vermin that they are. But believing he’s god? Ha-ha! That would be silly!
- Humorous names that Steve Ballmer has called Bill Gates include Nerdie McSweatervest, Slouchy McJuicebox, Frumpy McScrawny, Foureyes McFloodpants and Donnie Dorko. I don’t really have a point here, I just think it’s funny.
So, from the perspective of this site, we are clearly ready to leave the old Mac vs. Windows debate behind. We are so over that. Live and let live.
As long as we get the last word.