27 Dec 07Oh…

We’ll be back on the 2nd.

Or 3rd.

Sometime before Macworld.

Or not.


In the comments, let’s hear what you got for Solstice.

I’m sorry. Buddhamas.

Wait, that’s not right either.


Well, the thing with Charlie Brown and Frosty and Rudolf.

Oh, and hey, did everyone know that Rudolf was all about puberty? I’m serious. What. The. Hell? If you haven’t seen it in a while, watch it again. I’m telling you, puberty. It’s like a great big early ’60s morality play about puberty. Puberty, puberty, puberty.

Isn’t that weird? Do you think the people who made it did that deliberately or was it some post-’50s repression thing?

And I don’t think I have to tell you what Freud would say the giant snow monster means.

No sir.

Of course, he said that about everything.

Anyway, hope you had a happy Pube-mas.

38 Responses to “Oh…”

  1. Aveeno says:

    Sweet First… Happy new yearQ

  2. monkeys says:


  3. iMoo says:

    What’d I get? Ummm, I’m not sure… It’s clean, and clear and white… and grey. There’s an apple on it and I like it very much.

    Oh and thanks, Huh?

  4. buthidae says:

    I remember my first Pube-mas, I was five, and my dog ate the hair he left on the cookie plate.

  5. Pony RD says:

    5 Golden Pubes!

  6. Apple Lopsider says:

    Top N! etc.

    Also, something to do with the year 1007.

  7. Ace Deuce says:

    The gifts I received are indescribable, except by using the word “indescribable.”

    My gift for Mr. Moltz was having the Blazers whup the Sonics on Christmas. In your face!

  8. coolhandluke says:

    My gifts were lame. Except for the gigantic hard drive i got for my powerbook. HAH!

  9. Top ten!

    And I got a sweater with an Apple logo on it. THANKS FOR NOTHING, CARS!

  10. Lee says:

    Well I think that 11 is just fine. Nothing bad with 11.

    And I got a trip … whoa!

  11. Chris says:

    Forgive me if I am wrong, but are’nt you a RUMORS site? This is prime rumors season, and you are shutting it down for 2 or 3 weeks? What a joke….

    Oh, wait… nevermind.

  12. Tom says:

    Rudolph Hess?

  13. scared monster, also known as Living Proof Of Something, Surely, says:

    I didn’t receive anything.
    I didn’t want to, too.
    I giveth, and doest not wait something back.

    And I am on top 14.
    I hope.

    Did Apple give you some fake money to fake-shut-off ?

  14. Klayman says:

    you got it all wrong, John; Rudolph was about gay rights. Red nose? geddit? And ashamed to “come out”? See? And then gets to lead the sled? And since Santa as we know him is an image designed and imposed by Coca Cola, that’s also quite significant.

    Do the thinking, make the connections, is all I’m saying.

    Cuz I don’t see any…

    Happy friggin’ 2008 to you all, mates. Thanks for a long year of good laughs.

    Signing off ’till next year

    PD: Yeah! Top 15!

  15. Nxxx says:

    I had the best preessie ever!
    A statue of John Moltz mounted on Rudolph.

  16. Buck the Clown says:

    I wanted a moaner, but all I got was a sweater.

  17. Just me says:

    If you don’t come back, you’ll never get your Think Secret buyout.

  18. Now that CARS is the premiere Apple rumor website, the entire staff and readership is invited to attend the 23rd annual MacWorld SF Netter’s Dinner on Thursday of MacWorld.

    It used to be restricted to people who could successfully configure their 1200 baud modem, locate and connect to a local BBS where they could hear other morons lie about upcoming hardware (ooo, a 1MB MacPlus) and software (Lotus Jazz!). Now, thanks to the Net, just about anyone can find CARS and hear lies about upcoming sexbots and iMacs, so it’s now restricted to people who can cough up the $18 for a hot and spicy buffet meal in a cavernous room lovingly referred to as the “Mac Cave”.

    MacWorld 2008: Sexbots – This time for sure!

    Oor maybe the iTablet. You never can tell.

  19. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Having gone through puberty in the 60s I’d have to totally agree with Moltz on this one. It is about puberty. Big, red, glowing, swollen thing sticking out in front of you and all. Puberty. Yep. Pimples. Big, red blots on your face that everyone can see and you can do nothing about.

  20. I got an iPhone for Solstice and a complete set of DVDs for Pottermas.

    Merry Kwanzaa, everybody!

  21. J0n says:

    Since everyone else seems too scared to say it, allow me:

    Merry Christmas!

  22. Dr. Ron says:

    That’s “Joyous Kwanzaa,” [1], not “Merry Kwanzaa”, Mister Beep… you psychotic Jesus-loving cracker! [2]

    [1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kwanzaa#Popularity
    [2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kwanzaa#History_and_etymology

  23. Antiplanner says:

    Rudolph was invented in 1939 by Montgomery Wards.

  24. Ace Deuce says:

    Funny, I thought there was only one Montgomery Ward, the love child of Burt Ward and Montgomery Burns.

  25. Rip Ragged says:

    All I got for Ripmas was my two front teeth. Of course, that’s all I wanted. It’s been so long since I could say, “Sister Susie sitting on a thistle.” I don’t have any sisters for one thing. If I did, I don’t think I’d be able to say that without laughing until I cried anyway, so the extra two teeth will just be kind of a bonus. Although I’ll have to relearn how to drink with a straw now that I don’t have that big gap anymore.

    Next year I want my own girl’s soccer team.

  26. FilmPhotoWeb says:

    Worked through the Summer,
    Worked through the Fall,
    All I got for Christmas is a pair of overalls.
    There ain’t a thing for a poor man in this world.

    – Old Crow Medicine Show – my 33rd most favorite group of 2007

  27. Who's this, then? says:

    And I got an iPod touch! And… I’m touching it! A lot!
    But for my enemies… only Zunes, mate. Only Zunes.

  28. Nxxx says:

    Forgot on my last post that Christmas is a twelve day festival so
    On Boxing day a John Moltz and Steve Jobs mounted on Rudolph
    27th, a statue of Rudolph pulling a sledge containing John, Steve and the Woz.
    28th, Not sure who the fourth guy in the sleigh is, possibly Schiller
    29th, Very worried as these are full size Portland Stone carvings and the floor is beginning to creak. Hark! The door bell. Must be the postman. Good Morrow my good man what have you today. Ow bloody hell I can’t……………………………

  29. Huh? says:


    I’m not even sure I could possibly come up with something to fit into this morass.

    I’m taking my iPhone and going somewhere else for a bit.

    Happiness to all. Even you, John.

  30. Carbonfish says:


  31. Moof says:

    After moving to the middle of no-where (and several beers), I came up the the “Naro-Escape” 12 days of Xmas. Think of 50+ acres near Walton’s mountain … that’s in Virginia John-boy! (you younguns can Google πŸ˜‰ 180+ year old house that was not lived in for several years and a 200+ year old cemetery … I do have room for my pony whenever Jobs gets off his ass and ships it.

    On the twelfth day of Christmas,
    the Escape ghost sent to me
    Twelve bug bombs,
    Eleven chigger bites,
    Ten wasp nests,
    Nine acres to cut,
    Eight dog paws,
    Seven boxes of ammo,
    Six packs of beer,
    Four snakes outside,
    Three field mice,
    Two snakes in the house,
    And one dead bird on the floor

  32. Seano says:

    happy new year 0111 1101 0111 + 1 = 0111 1101 1000
    or 3727 + 1 = 3730
    or 7d7 + 1 = 7d8

  33. Matt says:

    Happy new year old man.

  34. Gary Gygax says:

    Seano, I’m pretty sure 7d7+1 isn’t the same as 7d8. Where do you even get a 7-sided die anyway?

  35. Saikou Yuden says:


    Happy year of the mouse (or rat if you prefer)!

  36. This Is What My Comment says:

    …a big, bright, beautiful lump of coal. Hoping next year will be a greener Christmas.

  37. UhhhDude says:

    I got Peace on Earth Good Will To Menβ„’. Unfortunately, UPS said they lost it in transit.

    Idiots. I had to kill and rob many people to save up for that gift.