Apple announced today that Avon CEO Andrea Jung would be joining the company’s board as its 8th member and only woman. The move signaled a bold new direction for Apple that is expected to further boost Mac sales and market share.
According to Apple, Jung will help the company implement a new sales channel consisting of licensed representatives who will go door-to-door selling Macs, iPods and iPhones.
Senior vice president of worldwide marketing Phil Schiller said “They’ll also harass the hell out of co-workers by circulating catalogs in the office with passive-aggressive notes and exhorting them to buy something and alienate their friends by throwing “Apple parties” where the pressure to buy something will be incredible!”
“It’s going to be great!”
“Steve was initially excited about the thought of giving away a pink Cadillac to Apple representatives, Schiller said. “He was pretty disappointed when I had to tell him that was Mary Kay, not Avon.”
Already people are lining up to become Apple representatives.
“If I sell 15 iMacs, I get a percentage of each one and a free iPhone. I mean, I don’t need an iPhone because I already have two, but at least it’s better than Pogue’s incentive plan which is ‘your incentive is that I don’t fire your ass’.
“Seriously. That’s what my employment contract says.”
Announcing Jung’s appointment, CEO Steve Jobs said that Jung would also help bring a positive new demographic to the Mac: fabulous babes.
“Look at our current demographic: pimply, awkward geeks who live in their parents’ basement. We’re going to change that. Sure, many of these babes are trashy MILFs…
“But, hey, trashy MILFs. Am I right? Sure I am.”
No one seemed sure when Jung was going to start, but for some reason you can sign up to be an Apple representative right now.