Crazy Apple Rumors Site is on indefinite hyenas.
…
Wait, that’s not right…
Oh, no, it is. Upon closer inspection, these do indeed appear to be some indeterminable kind of hyena.
Man, it’s a good thing they’re asleep! Ha-ha! What with the fangs and all!
Ahh…
Anyway, more to the point, we’re also on hiatus.
FIRST!
cry
I’m sure you meant Hyannis Port.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyannis,_Massachusetts
Turd.
Four!
John, thank you for your many years as CARS curator and creative comedian.
– Joe
P.S. Four, five, six.
what a chance! What an opportunity!
(and even on hyenas, or coitus, or whatever, the “top” posters come out in full force. Gotta love the interwebs … and comments entirely enclosed in parentheses.)
Come back, soon!
Ho Ho 8
infinity sideways?
Um no, more like top 10.
After all that emotional outpourinig and love, no way will I post stack.
11?
Not this time…
ah, hesitate just long enough and the masses that be will hang ye out to dry. Oh well, can’t complain about a top-10 finish.
Or anything, really, with teaser posts to keep us drip-fed and alive while Moltz fritters away his masses of free time. Hey, I’ll take what I can get, thank you very much.
Really. Thank you.
She said, “My Vista needs a driver.”
He replied sadly, “Yahoo! My Zune won’t squirt.”
She shook her head, “Wow.”
Best article in days!
What a whore.
Two hundred and three comments on the previous thread, mostly singing your praises and thanking you for all the fish just wasn’t enough, was it?
You had to create an encore thread!
When the CARS RSS popped in Growl, my heart skipped a beat. “It WAS all just an elaborate joke!” I thought. Then I get here and find it’s just shameless begging for more adulation.
You’re pathetic, Moltz. I’m not even going to dignify this with a comment. And there’s ZERO chance you’ll get any more begging or adulation from me.
If you’re going, just GO already!
Please don’t leave me, John! I can’t go on without CARS!
Let’s keep the comments upbeat this time, people. #1034 was like reading an epitaph anthology. I thought maybe John had some sort of terrible terminal exotic disease or something. You know, like boneitis.
That’s right, I made a Futurama reference.
18.
Damn you, digitalcowboy.
I’m just waiting for the announcement where John tells us where he’ll be commenting from now. I suspect that someone is insane enough to actually pay for this stuff. Where’d Macalope go, CNET? Yah, I bet those guys are just crazy enough to actually pay Moltz.
When I look back on all the years I spent reading CARS, stockpiling canned goods in anticipation of prolonged robot warfare, basing my 401 (k) investments on its advice, etc., I mostly remember John’s Moltziness. Everything he did had a certain quality of… Moltz to it. Those who mimicked his style, his commenters especially, I’d often describe as Moltzian. Or just plain Moltzy…
…the gonzo journalism, the calculated spelling errors, the uncited quotations from industry unknowns; all were carefully constructed to exude a sense of carelessness; a standard of sloppiness John insisted all his work met…
…here’s to you, John, wherever you are in this crazy multiverse of ours. I hope it’s somewhere warmer than sodding South Dakota….
…I hope you don’t mind, but this passage from Keats really bought the whole thing into perspective for me…
There’s a thing on this side of the pond called a Hiatus Hernia.
I did tell you to get help picking up your wallet.
Goddamnitmoltz. Even with the forewarning of this post, i still got all twitterpated when my rss feed had a glowing 1 next to it. I still havent mustered up the courage to take it off my bookmarks bar. I dunno what to fill the space with now….
Sorry about that, Lopsider. I’ve got a twitchy trigger finger. Sometimes I fire two shots before another feller even gets off one.
Doc says they have pills now that can fix it but I don’t like messin’ with drugs. ‘Sides, sometimes the quick is necessary.
FWIW, Lopsider, I think comment #23 is Moltzy.
I’m probably gonna start describing anything clever as “Moltzy” and measure them in terms of “Moltziness.”
Sure, John will get all the superficial credit. But if it catches on, I’ll credit you in the Wikipedia entry.
“Migod, it is clean over here.
Couldn’t figure how to log into MacUser
so I wandered over here. I have cluelessness
down to a fine art.” – herbmyers
Could you buy a better testimonial than that? I think NOT!
That is quoted directly from a comment at The CARS Satellite Until Moltz Regains His Sense
It’s clean over there. Ace Deuce, huh? and Del are all there. Why are you still here staring at dry bones?
It’s dead. John’s moved on. You need to move on, too.
Or something like that.
No, leave the light on. I’m gonna stay awhile and just… think. I’ll lock up when I leave.
29!
Well THAT explains it! I saw Moltz looking decidedly ragged and just shrugged it off to the robot wars and the “We beat those bastard robots back this time” party and the SJ Reality Distortion Field doing multi-dimensional face warp.
He was really just practicing the part of playing the hyena, looks and all.
Goodnight John-Boy (I live close to Walton’s Mountain) … Have a good hyena, but those glowing green eyes at night remind me distinctly of evil goats.
A Moltzy young man from Tacoma
Had a passion for Virgil and Homer
When their prose he did study
He always got nuddy
And spun in hypnotic gyroma
Come on, people, I want to be number 42; you know like the answer to that question about life, the universe and CARS.
Sorry to see you go.
Oh yuh, that’s helping with the mourning. Our beloved sitting bolt upright in the coffin and taking a bow.
My jeebies are well and truly heebied.
How am I supposed to get closure, hmmm?
Not least of the coffin lid.
Separation anxiety my arse. I’ll be separating Moltz from the major source of *his* anxiety if he does that again.
*fnnrrrp*
*titter*
See what I did there? With the ‘source of his anxiety’ wordplay thing?
I’m wasted on this post.
That’s gold, Jerry, GOLD!
Oooh, ooooh. And Eleventy the Third for this post.
whose anus?
We are not amused.
But we sure have been!
I _knew_ it! Moltz = Miller.
Moltz isn’t miller. John Moltz is John Gruber. Their writing styles, self-referral, etc. are all the same. Plus, no one has ever seen them in the same place at the same time.
Either this place is dead or it isn’t.
Or it is undead.
That would be strange.
Moltz setup postings to occur while he is not using the site, just to make sure that the traffic still flows. Keeping track of the truly loyal.
You know, to get the brains from.
Brains.
Swaz hie gat umbe.
42 is getting closer……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
He’s just taking time to reinstall Ubuntu. It should only take a couple of months.
I think we should start a CARS larp in the meantime.
Oh and I get to be Masako. You guys can fight over the rest of the crew.
Maybe Rip can take over.
Thanks John! I heard the interview you did for MacUser! Nice! Also, did you see yourself in the new WTM trailer? Click on the media tab and there you are, raising an intelligent, well stated point (strange).
welcometomacintosh.com
Long live CARS!
And John Moltz!
But mostly CARS!
– Josh
No, the guys are more likely to fight over Masako.
I’ll take Howard’s place.
What? Like 5 pictures in as many years?
Now that’s a sweet gig.
Just don’t expect me to… Well, you know.
I’d rather take showers.
“Hiatus Hernia”
Yeah, that term is used here too. I was just trying not to use it here. High road, and all that.
Too late now…
Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia!
Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia!
Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia!
Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia!
Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia! Hiatus Hernia!
Hey, I’m on hiatus from making posts about…oh, damn, guess I’m back like Moltz…
us monkeys eat hyenas.
fifty.