01 Apr 08BREAKING NEWS: CARS Not Acquired By Microsoft, Still Just On Hiatus.

The Apple web community was singularly relieved to learn that Crazy Apple Rumors Site was not acquired by Microsoft today like so many other sites, and is still just on indefinite hiatus.

A fact-finding team consisting of Glenn Fleishman, Jason Snell and Paul Kafasis ventured to Tacoma to confirm that the site was indeed just no longer publishing, had not been scooped up by the Redmond giant and that the whole thing wasn’t just some kind of misunderstanding or technical glitch.

“John’s not the most technical guy in the world, so we thought maybe he was still banging the post button every day with a bottle of Jameson’s and not really realizing nothing was making onto the web,” Fleishman said.

“Barring that, we were concerned about him after the events leading up to the site going on hiatus. I’m sure it was hard having the rug pulled out from under him like that and I’d hate to see him do something intensely stupid like sell out to Microsoft, like so many sites seem to do on April 1st every year. Because that really is intensely, monumentally stupid. All these sites that get sold to Microsoft every year on April 1st? Really dumb.

“And, um, also we went down there because he owes us money.”

According to Fleishman, the site has not been sold to Microsoft and is, in fact, still just on hiatus. Editor-In-Chief John Moltz was found face down on the floor of his Tacoma home, surrounded by empty boxes of Screaming Yellow Zonkers, snoring loudly and mumbling softly about Jennifer fricking Connelly.

“After rousting him, we were able to confirm that the site had not been sold to Microsoft and was still… uh, just on hiatus. I want to make that point perfectly clear. Not sold. Hiatus. Also, he said he would pay us back next Tuesday, assuming he manages to sell some old hardware to ‘this dude he knows’.”

Some members of the Apple community were rather unfazed by the news, however. Daring Fireball‘s John Gruber simply shrugged and went back to alternately doodling “Mrs. John Gruber Jeter” and “Mrs. John Gruber Kubrick” on the cover of a notebook.

Rich Mogull, meanwhile, could not be reached for comment as he was being chased from the Apple community by an angry crowd.

Apple declined to comment, having taken the day off to celebrate its 32nd anniversary.

114 Responses to “BREAKING NEWS: CARS Not Acquired By Microsoft, Still Just On Hiatus.”

  1. D0c Wolfram says:

    And it was a pallindrome as well!

  2. Nxxx says:

    I was lucky, no damage, fell on my head.

  3. Ace Deuce says:

    I took the tunnel.

  4. D0c Wolfram says:

    At least the lisping disease hasn’t struck here yet.

  5. Ace Deuce says:

    Thpeak for yourthelf.

  6. Nxxx says:

    Is it a typing or a reading disease?

  7. Ace Deuce says:

    Yeth, abtholutely!

  8. D0c Wolfram says:

    Looks like it only affects people whose names begin with a vowel.

  9. D0c Wolfram says:

    It appears that not only am I immune, I am also isolated.

  10. Ace Deuce says:

    We’ll let you out as soon as the virus is identified and eradicated.

  11. Nxxx says:

    Eradicate D0c?

    Well, why not?

  12. D0c Wolfram says:

    Nah, I’m not infected; I run a Mac.

  13. SteveBallmer says:

    Everybody is eventually acquired by MS!

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