Hiatus? They *loved* us!

Crazy Apple Rumors Site is on indefinite hyenas.

…

Wait, that’s not right…

Oh, no, it is. Upon closer inspection, these do indeed appear to be some indeterminable kind of hyena.

Man, it’s a good thing they’re asleep! Ha-ha! What with the fangs and all!

Ahh…

Anyway, more to the point, we’re also on hiatus.

478 thoughts on “Hiatus? They *loved* us!”

  2. Damn, missed that 42. Ah well, you can’t win ’em all.

    I mean, Einstein got it wrong as well, didn’t he, with his cosmological constant, so ok maybe it’s 43. Or 52, which I can still make.

    Anyway, all good things must come to an end; so this is it. Anyone fancy a trip some paralle universe? I’ve rented the Tardis, and it’s all heated up and ready to go.

    Oh no, wait, what’s that blinding light (with a warm glowing touch)?

    Ah, it’s just you, hi Steve.

  3. I’ll not believe your gone until the site is closed!

    Then I’ll break in … like when they closed that store I used to go to …

    Perhaps I’ve said too much?

  4. I have to make this Dîner d’adieu, then.
    We’ll start with
    Tartare de Saumon sur roquette
    Bouchée à la Reine aux ris de veau

    then
    Foie gras de canard et sa gelée de figues
    Consommé d’endives

    then
    Carré d’agneau au chutney d’Aubergines
    pommes sarladaises

    Différents fromages

    Finally
    Mousse au chocolat blanc et nougatine.

    Champagne, Pouilly Fuissé blanc, Château Cadillac, Haut-Médoc Cru Bourgeois, Champagne again.

    With the coffee, some Armagnac.

    Then, the evening can begin.

    Be seeing you.

  5. Scared Monster,

    welcome aboard the Tardis, this is Steve.

    The kitchen is over there.

    Doug.

  8. OMG today was my first visit to CARS in over a year and a half. Since I had a boring internship two summers ago…. And the place is closing down. Spoooky…..

  9. YML is saying John died. If that’s supposed to be humor, I don’t think I find it funny. Unless it’s on a new Beatles album you have to play backwards.

  10. I heard that if you play Will Farrell’s beer commercial backwards
    it says that the Entity is John Gruber’s father.
    Or that flaming squirrels eat tacks.
    Or something.

  11. If you’re going, lock the threads. Then please add a page that counts and lists the posts by visiting apple pozers. The highest score gets a mousepad,mug,shirt, etc…?
    (not me of course…)

  13. 63 is 11 times 5.727272727272…

    So in other words, nothing special. I do like those repeaters though.

    Had to re-stock on whiskey in the aftermath of last weekend’s wake. My usual Bushmills 10 yr old single-malt was out of stock, so I gave the Yamazake 12 yr old single-malt from Japan a try. It’s good! May have to re-stage the wake just to stay in practice.

    Scared Monster is in charge of th menu. I’ll bring the drinks.

  15. Damn! comacnut is using your toothbrush!

    That’ll learn ya to be lazy, John.

    blank, the only good whiskey is Bourbon. It’s made in Kentucky. It’s aged in charred oak barrels and they’re only used once. When they’re done with them, they sell them to people that make Scotch or those crazy Canadians and whatever they purport to do with fermented grain. Seriously. You can check it.

    Your Bushmills was probably aged in a used barrel that originally held Bourbon.

    I have no idea what the Japanese are even doing in this conversation. Is it some kinda single-malt sake, rice-enstein?

  19. Moltz is on Hiatus?

    Is that them name of the Evil Goat, or something?

    Most likely “or something”

    I get 69!

    696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969

  20. 707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707070707

  21. BITCH,BITCH,BITCH,BITCH,BITCH,BITCH,BITCH,BITCH,BITCH,BITCH,…
    Too much already, so John is having second thoughts about abandoning a enterprise that has brought so much fame notariety.
    Or… maybe his is just “F”en with us. Damn , never mind. ˆ

  22. [THE INTERIOR OF AN EMPTY OFFICE IN THE ONCE-BUSTLING BUT NOW TRAGICALLY VACANT TOP-SECRET CARS HEADQUARTERS. THE LOCKED DOORKNOB BEGINS TO CLICK AND JIGGLE AS IF BEING PICKED. THERE IS A SINGLE SUBTLE SNAP SOUND AS TUMBLERS FALL INTO PLACE. THE KNOB TURNS SLOWLY AND UNEVENLY, AS THOUGH HELD IN A SLIPPERY GRIP. THE LATCH RELEASES WITH A CLICK, AND THE DOOR OPENS SLOWLY, ALLOWING A STRANGE MIXTURE OF EXOTIC SCENTS — SEAWEED, FISH EGGS, FINE DARK CHOCOLATE — TO SEEP INTO THE ROOM. THE ODORS ARE FOLLOWED BY A LOW, BULBOUS SHADOW, CAST BY THE LIGHT SHINING FROM THE HALLWAY. THEN A SLIMY PINK TENTACLE CAUTIOUSLY SLITHERS INTO ROOM, FOLLOWED CLOSELY BY ANOTHER JUST LIKE IT. FINALLY THE SOFT, SQUISHY MASS OF AN CEPHALOPOD-LIKE FIGURE FURTIVELY OOZES THROUGH THE DOORWAY, ITS GLEAMING PINK SKIN PERFECTLY SMOOTH BUT FOR THE OCCASIONAL SCAR FROM AN OLD MONGOOSE BITE. STALK-LIKE PROTUBERANCES WITH EYE-LIKE TIPS EXTEND FROM UNEXPECTED PLACES ON ITS BODY AND FLAIL ABOUT LIKE HANDS SEARCHING A PITCH-DARK ROOM FOR A LIGHT SWITCH. THE CREATURE PAUSES HALFWAY THROUGH THE DOORWAY, AND THEN HESITANTLY EMITS A FLUTTERING, GUTTURAL UTTERANCE THAT SOUNDS HALF LIKE A VOICE AND HALF LIKE A FART.]
    “Moltz?” It pauses for a moment, waiting for a reply that does not come. “The Entity?” Another pause, also unfulfilled. “You guys in here? It’s me — Tentaculous. You guys remember me, don’t you?”
    [TENTACULOUS VENTURES FURTHER INTO THE ROOM MORE CONFIDENTLY, REVEALING OTHER TENTACLES HIDDEN BEHIND HIM WHICH HOLD VARIOUS ARTICLES TAKEN FROM NEARBY OFFICES AND PRESSED INTO SERVICE AS MAKESHIFT WEAPONS — A DISCARDED USB FLOPPY DRIVE, A PARTLY DISASSEMBLED HALOGEN FLOOR LAMP, A SLIGHTLY CHARRED RED SWINGLINE® STAPLER.]
    “I was just passing by on my way to Barnard’s Star and I thought I’d just drop in and pay you guys a…”
    [ONE OF THE FLAILING APPENDAGES ACCIDENTLY STRIKES THE LIGHT SWITCH, SUDDENLY ILLUMINATING THE OFFICE AND REVEALING ITS STARK, SOULLESS EMPTINESS. IT TAKES ONLY A MOMENT FOR THE IMPLICATIONS OF THE SCENE TO SINK IN TO THE BEAST’S PLIANT BRAIN; WHEN IT DOES, TENTACULOUS DEJECTEDLY DROPS BOTH HIS “WEAPONS” AND HIS TENTACLES TO THE FLOOR AND HEAVES A SIGH THAT, THIS TIME, IS ENTIRELY INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM A FART.]
    “What on Tentaculon…!” Tentaculous squelches, his speech this time resembling a stomach gurgle. “What happened here? Or perhaps more accurately… what’s not happening here? Where ARE they?”
    [IN THE SOFT PINK FLESH JUST BELOW ONE OF THE FLAILING APPENDAGES A SUBTLE RIFT APPEARS, AND A THIN, SHINY RECTANGULAR OBJECT EMERGES AND SLIPS SLOWLY FROM IT, AS THOUGH BEING REGURGITATED. AN OTHERWISE UNOCCUPIED TENTACLE SWEEPS DEFTLY BY TO CATCH THE IPHONE JUST AS IT TUMBLES OUT OF THE RESEALING RIFT. YET ANOTHER IDLE TENTACLE BEGINS TAPPING AWAY AT THE DEVICE’S SLIME-PROOF-SKIN-COVERED SURFACE. THERE IS A SLIGHT PAUSE AS THE MULTI-DIMENSIONAL-WIDE WEB DOES ALL IT MUST TO DISPLAY THE LATEST CONTENTS OF THE CRAZY APPLE RUMORS SITE. TENTACULOUS LURCHES BACKWARD IN SURPRISE AT WHAT HE READS.]
    “Hiatus?” burbles Tentaculon, his voice now sounding like bubbles being blown from a straw in a half-filled, 8-ounce glass of rich, chocolate Ovaltine®. “Hiatus?!” he repeats, as the Ovaltine bubbles ominously take on a much more indignant tone. “I come all this way to battle for the fate of Mankind…” Tentaculous — now literally steaming — seethes, as the overhead lights in the room and the lights in the parking lot outside begin to pulse in unison with the beast’s increasingly deep breathing. “… and the so-called champions of this pathetic “race” just up and take off on a frikkin tequila-fueled bender? How could they DO this to me?!”
    [ELECTRIC ARCS BEGIN TO FLICKER AROUND SOME OF THE WALL OUTLETS, AND THE WINDOWS QUICKLY FOG UP WHILE TENTACULOUS’ SKIN STARTS CHANGING COLORS: COMMENCING WITH AN ENVIOUS GREEN, SHIFTING TO AN OUTRAGEOUS PURPLE, AND TEMPORARILY STABILIZING ON A MAUVE-Y SHADE OF PINKY RUSSET. IN CONTRAST TO THE FRIGHTENING DRAMA DEVELOPING AROUND HIM, THOUGH, A CLEAR (BUT STILL SLIMY) LIQUID APPEARS AROUND THE EYE-LIKE TIPS OF THE NOW-QUIVERING STALKS AND DRIPS UNASHAMEDLY TO THE FLOOR, LIKE THE TEARS OF A LONELY WARRIOR ABANDONED BY HIS COMRADES.]
    [SUDDENLY, THE IPHONE, STILL IN THE EVER-TIGHTENING AND POTENTIALLY CRUSHING CLUTCH OF ONE OF THE TENTACLES, EMITS THE KIND OF FEEBLE PEEPING BEEP THAT YOU MIGHT EXPECT IT TO MAKE IF IT WAS BEING CHOKED WHILE PLEADING FOR MERCY. DISTRACTED FROM HIS TANTRUM, TENTACULOUS SUDDENLY TURNS HIS ATTENTION BACK TO THE IPHONE WHILE HIS SKIN RE-PINKS AND THE REST OF THE SCENE RETURNS TO ITS PRIOR STILLNESS. TENTACULOUS AGAIN RESPONDS WITH SURPRISE TO WHAT IS DISPLAYED ON THE IPHONE.]
    “Oh, my!” Tentaculous squiggles, a little embarassed. “I almost forgot my dinner meeting with Enderle and Thurrot.”
    “Hmm,” he adds thoughtfully, “maybe they know where Moltz and The Entity went…” Almost instantly thereafter, Tentaculous chuckles like a very happy pig in a particularly sloppy mud hole. “As if!” he chortles.
    [CLEARLY AMUSED WITH THE RIDICULOUS THOUGHT THAT HIS DINNER COMPANIONS WOULD KNOW ANYTHING BUT EVIL — WHICH IS WHY HE’D ARRANGED THE DINNER MEETING IN THE FIRST PLACE — TENTACULOUS TRUNDLES DAMPLY BACK TOWARD THE DOOR. HE PAUSES FOR A MOMENT AND PERFORMS A MANEUVER THAT ONE COULD REASONABLY INTERPRET AS LOOKING BACK OVER HIS SHOULDER.]
    “We will meet again, Moltz, and when we do, there will be glory!” he says.
    {TENTACULOUS RESUMES HIS DEPARTING POSTURE, SLOUGHS HIS WAY OUT OF THE ROOM AND PULLS THE DOOR SHUT, LEAVING BEHIND HIS WOULD-BE WEAPONS AND A SIGNIFICANTLY SCORCHED AND SOGGY OFFICE. THROUGH THE CLOSED DOOR IS HEARD A STRANGE, WET, SHIMMERING SOUND AS TENTACULOUS TELEPORTS TO THE FOUR SEASONS HOTEL IN PALO ALTO.]

  23. Nice product placement, there. I particularly like the “malted milk” flavor of Ovaltine®.

  25. I think I shall look for reasons to insert the word “tentacle” into conversation more often. Such a delightful word, and so underused.

  28. 39! Excellent Tentaculous post! I would have though it was related to a Grue until he hit the lights and left his appendage flailing for all to see.

  29. @Nxxx: It’s called a “legacy,” and it’s not uncommon. Remember, for example, that we have Presidents’ Day to celebrate… dead presidents. And we have MLK, Jr., day, which he wouldn’t have had when he was alive. On the other hand, we have Easter and Christmas to celebrate the birth and resurrection of Christ, but He was able to resurrect Himself, so He was a sorta’ special case.

    John won’t able to resurrect himself if he happens to be dead, in which case it’s entirely possible he’ll get a day named after him.

    Any suggestions for which day of the year? And why? Please be sure to use the knowledge of what you’ve learned during your CARS stay in your answer.

  31. Nxxx carelessly queried:
    How come Moltz is more popular when he isn’t here than when he is?

    I’m sure you’re not new here. Are you drunk? High? High’s cool with me. It’s not my thing, but many people that I respect like the ganja.

    I think what you meant to ask is, “Why is Moltz more popular in his absence than I’ve ever been anywhere that I actually WAS?”

    Nahh. That was probably just my envy speaking. Sorry about projecting my insecurities on you, Nxxx.

    Forget Moltz. He’s dead. A corpse. It’s over. He’s gone.

    (*whispers* He’s an AW!)

  33. Please see comment 217 of the last post for the real reason Moltz left. If was in front of our faces the whole time, but our tears got in the way.

  35. After Tentaculous has his dinner meeting with his “buddies” he can go up against his new arch-enema FSM, more commonly known as the Flying Spaghetti Moltz.

  41. It’s just a filthy lie. A dirty, rotten rumour. I spoke to them just the other day and they were talking about all the plans they had for a missions trip to northern Armenia. Wait a minute. Just a minute. Hang on. I just received a report that the transporter isn’t working. It’s horrible! Men are returning in ties and suites. Women are coming back wearing tasteful but classic skirts and blouses. Children are respectful. Ahhhhhhhh…. I’m …. I can’t ….. Stop! Please! Oh, nooooooo…..

  44. Moof,
    Turn your display upside down and shake.
    If that doesn’t work, try hitting gently.
    If now feeling a trifle miffed, try rhythmically beating computer on an anvil.

    Hope that helps.

  45. Moof,
    Turn your display upside down and shake.
    If that doesn’t work, try hitting gently.
    If now feeling a trifle miffed, try rhythmically beating computer on an anvil.

    Hope that helps.

  46. Nxxx, you’re stuttering again!

    Well, it must be true. Moltz has to be on hiatus (hyenas?) because there was no Friday Help Desk!

    BEST FRIDAY HELP DESK EVER!

  49. hi a tus n., pl. -tus es or tus. 1.an empty space; gap; space that needs to be filled. 2. a slight pause between two vowels that come together in successive syllables or words. There is a hiatus between the e’s in preeminent.

    Not being absolutly sure of the meaning of hiatus, I pulled out the old dictionary (it is old, published in 1968) and the above is what I found. The first definition seems to work except it implies non existance (at least in our plane of existance) and since he didn’t go with the Entity he should be around somewhere, so I take it, it must be the second definition, Old Moltzy is hid out between two vowels that come together in successive syllables or words. Now, we just need to find out what word(s).

  50. 99 was really having an affair the whole time with the agent in the mailbox. With Max it was just business.

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