Crazy Apple Rumors Site is on indefinite hyenas.
…
Wait, that’s not right…
Oh, no, it is. Upon closer inspection, these do indeed appear to be some indeterminable kind of hyena.
Man, it’s a good thing they’re asleep! Ha-ha! What with the fangs and all!
Ahh…
Anyway, more to the point, we’re also on hiatus.
301! Tired of loading long pages!
All hail the jump! Huzzah!
Poppin’ fresh.
Acres of white. Like a fresh fall of snow, unless it is off the roof and it hits the back of your neck.
Moof, you don’t know long pages. Back in the day, we had to wait for hundreds, sometimes thousands, of comments to load on *ONE* page. Sniff. Those were the days!
Oh, and we walked six miles to school through the snow drifts, uphill, both ways.
Sorry I’m late — the clocks were lying.
Oh! … the halcyon days of CARS.
There was time to brew a good cup of coffee… humm where did i store that Povoni?.
sniff… gone those days are…. forever.
AND i miss the trek to school… saddling up ole Bessie for my sister Sarah…the long descent off the mountain… the way the old 30.30 winchester would slip in my increasingly sweaty hands as i stared back the mountain lion, who was eying breakfast…
?? !! . . . Youngsters have it too easy these days!.
Tired of loading long pages indeed…
Slow down.. .
enjoy the redolent wafts from the coffee… no need to chug-it…
realize you only have a fixed integer of minutes.
It’s like running windows…
you never know when you will get that BSOD…
but it will be too soon… whenever it is.
Last time I got a BSOD I took my PC out and blew it away. Don’t think I would do that with my Mac though. My satellite connection this weekend was downloading (when it was up) at an abysmal rate. Worse than a 9600 baud modem it was.
Not as bad as my old Ventel 75/300 baud modem though, so I’ll just shut up.
And D0c, we must have grown up in the same neighborhood and gone to the same school. The blizzard of ’69 was a bad one.
Mr. Moof, Sir,
You are correct. The Winter and Spring weather of 1869 was indeed atrocious. On one memorable day, I found difficulty in getting my horse to move only to realise it had frozen to death standing up. Of course I had the groom taken out and stoned to death at dawn as it was so cold, the barrel diameter of the muskets shrunk so much, they exploded when fired.
The comment about children being over protected is also true. At the age of three, my daily household chore was climbing, sweeping and polishing the chimneys, whether the fire was lit or not. It did me no harm as my rank will confirm. Spare the chimney and spoil the child.
Disgusted Col Retd.
Well Cunnel (we rebels say it that way;-), when you decide to expire instead of retire, I have a 200+ year old family cemetery on the property that you would be comfortable with. Ripe with Civil War history, so you’d feel right at home. Quiet neighbors too!
As a related true sidenote, “The Colonel”, my German Shepherd is named after Colonel John S. Mosby, a famous Civil War colonel who supposedly hid out at my house (it was built in 1830 something) after having the AUDACITY to steal the Union gold reserves in Richmond. Damn rebels!
Now if I could only find where the gold he supposedly buried is hidden! We could use it to enhance the Fallout Shelter for use against the impending robot invasion! Either that or get the still going.
Mr. iMoof, Sir,
Much as your offer is appreciated, it cannot be accepted as the location of the winter was omitted and I cannot abide foreigners. The adventures referred to took place in Pathan Country, the North West frontier of India and as such I am entitled to burial at either the Poona Military Cemetery or the Soldiers’ Corner at Westminster Abbey. As space is limited at the latter venue, it requires an upright interment but as poet and playwright Ben Johnson has not complained at similar treatment, no problem is anticipated.
I am surprised at your leanings, as all rebels should be taken outside and shot at dawn, if not immediately.
Long live The Queen
Disgusted Col Retd
Mr. Moof, Sir,
Would you please be more explicit. No reference to either gold bullion removal or indeed a mint or financial storage facility at either Richmond, Yorkshire or Richmond, Surrey has been found. Admittedly Richmond, Surrey was known as Sheen prior to the building of the Royal Palace, no record of theft from the previous nomenclature exists.
Disgusted Col Retd
It’s a local legend. Someone even wrote a book about it… Mosbys Gold. I first heard about it 40 years ago or so. Some local old timer’s grandfather was supposedly one of Mosby’s raiders. The rumor is they buried some of the gold here and some other place a few miles down the road. It is a very well known tale amongst the locals here.
Even then they were concerned the Union was secretly controlled by robots even though they had no idea what those robot thingies were. And everyone in the South know those Yankees lie and supress historical facts so they don’t look bad!
We are falling behind the FINAL post!
Everyone to the trenches!
Where can I get my hands on one of those steam-driven robots used in the US Civil War? The kind with a Gatling gun on the head?
Ace, alas only one steam driven robot with the Gatling Gun head was made, being a proto type. The robot’s head kept melting after ten to twenty rounds were fired. My great grandfather did have one like Lee used at Gettysburg, muzzle loader arms and grape shot chest cannon. But the boiler was cracked and he had to junk it. (replacement parts are hell when you lose a war)
Once the final post is posted, the fat lady sings…!?
Who wants to hear the fat lady sing? No one here i hope.
Hummm… Did i see that strange fat robot over in the corner?
wonder if it sings? Ukkk, robot songs…
Why must it always be a fat lady?
Because it was stipulated in Wagner’s contract.
Is that Robert Wagner?
That’s the guy. He wrote some great operas and wore the eye patch in the Austin Powers flicks. A regular polymath and renaissance man.
Wagner was nothing but a friggin thief. It Takes a Thief to know one. He probably stole his compositions from some fat lady, felt some remorse… maybe his eye patch was just itching him … and attributed the music to her.
Second Post! (today)
Happy Birthday to me!!!
Sorry iMoo, just split my last decent reed.
Hey, it’s Einstein’s birthday too!
Anybody else starting to get the impression that the hyenas got Moltz? Maybe I should go up there and check, but then the hyenas might get me too… Darn it, I’m worried, but not that worried.
Or maybe they just ate his keys. Yeah, that must be it.
MARK
Every Friday, the losers who still hang around CARS blatantly steal old Friday Night Help Desk articles in an attempt to maintain our sanity until John comes to his senses and comes back and / or the sexbots finally get out of beta.
Today, Crazy Apple Help Desk helps Apple executives with their problems!
APPLE CEO STEVE JOBS: It’s Steve. Let’s do this thing.
A: Steve. Steve. Steve.
JOBS: Look, I don’t even know why I’m calling you. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m sure there’s something wrong with you, but there’s nothing wrong with me.
A: Steve, Steve, Steve. “Nothing wrong†with you? Nothing?
JOBS: Well… maybe… maybe one thing.
A: Mmm-hmm. Let it out.
JOBS: It’s just… it seems that, I’ve had people tell me that… I… I…
A: C’mon, Steve. You can do it. Open up.
JOBS: I might be addicted to firing people.
A: There. There! You said it! You took the first step on a journey of recovery. Was that so hard?
JOBS: [sigh] Whew! Feels good. Feels… powerful. Although, everything I do feels powerful.
A: Uh, yes. But the next step is to begin a 12-step program toward recovery. You’ll never be fully over it. You’ll always be a firer. But through the program you’ll learn to say “No. Today I will not fire anyone. Today I choose not to fire anyone.â€
JOBS: Hmm. Well, you know what? I don’t really want to do that.
A: Um, well, Steve…
JOBS: That’s my thing. That’s what I do. It’s a great motivational tool.
A: Steve. Steve. It’s tearing you apart and everyone you love!
JOBS: … No it isn’t.
A: Oh. Uh… well then. Carry on.
JOBS: Wait… how did you get on my schedule for today?
A: I’d rather not say.
CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER PETER OPPENHEIMER: I have a problem I hope you can help me with.
A: Well, that’s what we’re here for.
OPPENHEIMER: It’s embarrassing…
A: No, no. We all need help from time to time. What’s your problem?
OPPENHEIMER: I… I love too much.
A: Love too much?
OPPENHEIMER: Love too much.
A: Love too much.
OPPENHEIMER: Mmm. Too much. Too much love. I do it too much. I overdo it on the love.
A: Too much. You love too much.
OPPENHEIMER: Mmm. I do. I mean… who knew that not everyone likes long hugs?
A: Long hugs? That’s how you love too much?
OPPENHEIMER: Mmm-hmm.
A: Well… how long do you hug people?
OPPENHEIMER: Well, I… I don’t know. Twenty, thirty minutes.
A: Twenty or thirty minutes?
OPPENHEIMER: Is that… is that too long?
A: Pff! No! You go right back out there and keep hugging people for… twenty or thirty minutes! There’s nothing wrong with that!
OPPENHEIMER: Well, that’s what I thought!
A: You’re not the one with the problem. They’re the ones with the problem.
OPPENHEIMER: You know, it’s nice to hear that from someone else! Give me a hug!
A: Oh… uh… no, um… I don’t… uh… well… um… you’ve got me now…
OPPENHEIMER: See, isn’t this nice?
A: Uh… did you… happen to see what time it was when you started hugging me… ’cause… I’ve got a dentist appointment…
OPPENHEIMER: Shh…
CHIEF OPERATING OFFICER TIM COOK: Uh, yeah, I hate to tell you this, but that wasn’t Peter Oppenheimer.
A: What?
COOK: Yeah, apparently there’s been someone going around impersonating Peter.
A: Uh, so any idea who he is?
COOK: Just some big sweaty lunk who likes to hug people.
A: Wow. But wait a minute. Then why did he kept whispering monthly iPod inventory levels in my ear?
COOK: Oh. Huh. Well, maybe it was Peter…
Following the Help Desk confessions, I have decided to come clean.
My counsellor says I have one and only one fault, over modesty.
Aaaaag! It’s all upsidedown and backwards. My melting are brains! Aaaaa!
Also, steampunk gatling gun robots are awesome.
First!
(Happy Ides of March!)
Ahh! Ides of March!
I get lots of ideas in my head on the ides.
Mostly about frolicking with non-robotic sex bots.
Must be almost spring.
Must be Moltz out frolicking too!
Good for him… we all need a good frolic now and again!
If comics have taught me anything, it’s that hyenas only eat dead things.
Does that mean I’m in danger?
Keep moving and you’ll be okay. Playing Twister will do it for sure.
Seventy-one years ago, Amelia Erhardt set out on her attempt to fly around the World.
Anyone know what airline she chose as I’m not flying with them.
Robot Air. Controlled by Microsoft Windows (or is that widows) NF (Non-Flying) version.
Odd thing is, her luggage showed up as scheduled.
Did you you hear the one about the flying ninja sex-bot leprechaun?
I thought not!
But she probably died of a virus. Or worms.
I heard rumors the Robot Airlines planes were plagued with Blue (Wind)Screen of Death back in those days.
342…. dogs rock!
And posting trails off…
I guess we did need the Moltzian serendipity drive….
no wondering whales. no 42…The world sucks, then they put in a freeway….
Entity is probably trying to find the end of the universe coffee shop… Neutron Starbucks
“COOK: Oh. Huh. Well, maybe it was Peter…”
I think there are only two, possibly three people around here that get the deeper meaning of that line.
What do you think iMoo?
What does “deeper meaning” mean?
Huh?… it keeps me up giggling at night.
If it WAS Peter, then where are Paul and Mary?
Or more importantly (or not) Micky Dolenz and Davy Jones. We can use some Monkeys to get on Moltz’ case.
Godverdomme!
You lost me. I haven’t a clue.
It was Colonel Mustard in the Library with a lead pipe.
That’s Clue!