It’s not much, but then they tried to pass Iowa off as heaven in that movie with that guy and Darth Vader.
Hey, you told me to get a hobby. Said that I should get out of my parents’ basement and try to make something of myself. That I should learn to live before all I would learn about was dying.
Remember?
And then I said “fuck off” and did a podcast instead, with the lovely Jon Deal. Remember that?
Yeah, you’re damn right you do. That’ll learn ya to stick your nose where it’s not wanted.
Say what you want, at least it’s shorter than all the other podcasts.
Silly human! Carrots are for rabbits.
I’ve been asked to inform the group that the law firm of Dewey, Cheetum and Howe is joining in on the legal team for Silly Rabbit.
When asked why they have offered their services to this court case, Howe is quoted as saying, “It only seems fair, this poor rabbit has been trying for decades to get some Trix and after all this time he’s only been arrested for soliciting an undercover officer. It’s pretty sad really. What? Breakfast cereal? This is about a fucking breakfast cereal??”
The law firm has yet to rescind it’s support of Silly Rabbit’s lawsuit, but appears confused as to what the issue is. Cheetum is later quoted as saying, “Hey, we thought this was about street corner girls and stuff, but at least it’s a tasty cereal, isn’t it? I don’t know, I’ve never ate the stuff myself. But if this Silly Rabbit is willing to chase down one lousy bowl of this shit for decades, then we want some too!”
Moltz for President, providing he has a policy of breakfast cereal for all.
Don’t tease the silly rabbit. You know he can’t have cereal.
SILLY JUSTICE — PART 1 of 2
FADEIN
EXT. — GRASSY COUNTRY FIELD RIMMED BY TREES — NIGHT
The view pans across a pastoral setting until a small hole in the ground appears through the wind-blown grass. The view zooms in on the hole, and then moves into it.
INT. — SPARSELY FURNISHED RABBIT HOLE, LIT BY CANDLELIGHT — NIGHT
Silly Rabbit is seen from behind as he works intently at a kitchen counter. The view pans across the countertop, which is strewn with a small burlap bag, a lovely red ribbon, a gift card, some art supplies (including markers), a few open and empty tins of tofu, and a couple of open bottles of food coloring.
The view swings around to show Silly Rabbit from the side, and revealing that he is shaping something out of the tofu. He slowly but surely molds the stuff, occasionally adding a streak of food coloring here and there. He stops to happily inspect his creation, which now comes into view, and which looks remarkably similar to a rabbit carcass prepared for cooking. Silly Rabbit first smiles contentedly, satisfied with his handiwork. His smile then takes on a more wicked sneer, and he reaches for one more ingredient to add.
Cut to a view of two boxes sitting side-by-side on the counter, both containing long, slim, cylindrical objects that are red in color. Silly Rabbit reaches into one box and pulls out one of the menacing-looking rods, and places one tip at what would be the neck of his ersatz rabbit.
RABBIT (Darkly): So she wants to cook up some hasenpfeffer, does she? Heh, heh, heh! Well, what she’s gonna get is “Wild Rabbit Surprise!â€
Silly winces empathetically as he carefully crams the rod down the artificial throat of the dummy bunny. When halfway done, he stops and looks directly at the camera.
RABBIT (With a silly smile): I learned this little trick from a cousin of mine!
Silly Rabbit re-focusses his attention on placing the rod, which slides in smoothly without leaving a trace of it’s presence. He grabs the burlap bag and carefully slides the faux coney into it. The bag can now be seen as being labelled “Elmer’s Fresh Wild Rabbit†with a recipe for “World’s Best Hasenpfeffer†clearly printed on the back. Silly closes the neck of the bag with the lovely ribbon tie, and affixes the gift card to it. He inspects it all one more time from every angle.
RABBIT (Smiling with great satisfaction): “Hmmf!â€
Silly turns away from the counter. The view pans to his living room. On the coffee table is a small sewing kit, some fabric scissors, and some scraps of bright blue cloth. Laying on the couch is a neat cap with a colorful patch on its front and a short but neat jacket bearing a matching patch.
Silly walks over and dons the jacket and then the cap, taking pains to hide his ears entirely. He checks his appearance in a nearby full-length mirror, snapping to attention and smiling smartly to get the full effect.
The view now follows Silly as he walks back to the counter, picks up the bag, and strides determinedly to the hole in the wall that is the exit. He departs, leaving the brightly flickering candles lit for his return.
EXT. — TOP OF RABBIT HOLE — DAWN
A pair of rabbit hands reach out of the hole and place the bag on to the grassy edge. Silly Rabbit then emerges from the hole, dusts himself off, picks up the bag, and steps out to head for the Big City. The view from the hole shows Silly getting smaller against the broad horizon as he heads off into the red sunrise.
FADEOUT
SILLY JUSTICE — PART 2 OF 2
FADEIN
EXT. — SUE’S HOUSE, FRONT ENTRY — DAY
A close-up view shows a white, furry hand extending a white, furry finger to press the doorbell button. The view dollies back to show Silly Rabbit standing at attention and looking sharp. The front door opens and Sue appears, looking surprised.
SUE (Surprised): Can I help you?
RABBIT (Snappily): Goooood Morning, Ma’am! Are you…
Silly feigns having forgotten her name and looks at the gift card.
RABBIT (Looking back up at Sue): …Sue?
SUE (Suspiciously): Let’s just say for a moment that I am.
RABBIT (Extending the bag out to Sue as though it is a Major Award): Special delivery!
SUE (Still suspicious but now also curious): What is that thing?
RABBIT (Brightly): I believe it’s a prepared rabbit, Ma’am!
SUE (Now just curious): Really? Who’s it from?
Silly again looks at the tag in mock forgetfulness.
RABBIT: Huh?
SUE (Patiently): I said, “Who’s it from?â€
Silly looks at the tag again.
RABBIT: Uh,… Huh?
SUE (Growing impatient): Can’t you hear me?
RABBIT (A bit defensively): I can hear you just fine, Ma’am. I’ve got really big ea…, I mean, I can hear really well!
SUE: Then please tell me who it’s from!
RABBIT (Nervously looking at the card and then Sue): It’s from … Huh?
SUE (Angrily): What?
RABBIT (Sweating and swallowing hard): Er, no… Huh?
SUE (Exasperated): Give me that thing!
Sue snatches the bag out of Silly’s hand and with a stern look on her face reads the gift card.
SUE (With a look of revelation): Huh? Oh! Huh?! From Crazy Apple… Well! Isn’t that thoughtful! So he is going to stop by for dinner after all! And he even Brought His Own Bunny! That’s sweet!
Silly, who is facing away from Sue for a moment, makes a face like he’d just tasted something sickeningly sweet. Sue looks up at Silly, a little embarrassed and also a little impatient.
SUE (Shortly): Well, okay. Thank you.
Silly snaps back to attention and flashes a winning smile at Sue. He twiddles his fingers as though hinting for a tip. Sue sighs and turns to look inside the house. She comes back out and hands Silly a quarter.
SUE: Have a nice day.
Sue turns and goes back into her house with the bag, while Silly looks disappointedly at the quarter in his hand.
EXT. — WINDOW TO SUE’S KITCHEN — DAY
Silly sneaks up through the privet under the window and peers into the window.
INT. — SUE’S KITCHEN — DAY
Sue has prepared the phony rabbit in a pan and places it into her oven.
EXT. — WINDOW — DAY
Silly quickly drops back down into the privet. He excitedly covers his ears and closes his eyes, anticipating a big explosion.
RABBIT (Quivering): Oh, boy! Here we go!
There is a long pause and no explosion. Silly slowly opens his eyes and uncovers his ears, and then gingerly creeps back out of the privet to look cautiously back in the window.
INT. — SUE’S KITCHEN — DAY
Sue is by her sink, preparing vegetables and humming a cute little tune that is probably about torturing rabbits by means of nutritional deprivation. View pans to her stove, which looks fine. View zooms in to the floor in front of the stove, where there is a growing puddle of red candle wax.
EXT. — WINDOW — DAY
Silly turns away from the window, looking terribly puzzled.
RABBIT (To himself, confused): Wax? How could there have been wax in the tofu? Did the wax snuff out the fuse on the dynamite? That couldn’t be… there’s so much heat that it wouldn’t need the fuse. How could the wax have gotten in there?
RABBIT (With a look of horror on his face): Unless…
EXT. — GRASSY COUNTRY FIELD RIMMED BY TREES — DUSK
The view pans across a massive crater where Silly Rabbit’s hole once lay. Silly stands by the giant hole looking crestfallen. He sighs.
RABBIT (Dejectedly): Not again!
Silly slowly turns and shuffles off to find himself another hole to reside in. The view remains at the crater as Silly disappears into the sunset.
FADEOUT
Wow. I’m impressed. Thanks for not killing me off.
Just one question. Who’s on first?
By the way, still no Trix for you.
Oh hey, sorry about your hole, man. Why not come by my place tonite….about sevenish? I’m having a few friends over for dinner……
Kill you off?! Nah! I could never do that! You’re just too… too… you’re just so… so… Sue!
As to your question, the answer is, of course, “Yes!”
And finally,…
Yeah, yeah. I know. [Siiiiiigh] Never mind. [Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle]
REEAALLLY?! DINNER?! YOU MEAN IT?! GEE! I… I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! I…
….
HEEEY! WAAAIIT A MINUTE!
…
Forget it, Sister! I may be Silly, but I’m not Stoopid!
Be that way. Anybody have a number for a pizza place that delivers?
Hey, and my favorite is available for me to take! 57th!
btw, Silly Rabbit, that was really good, but I couldn’t find the video on YouTube. Am I misspelling the keyword “hassenpfeffer”?
Oops. I guess that’s what happens when onee has kids. At least I can have some Trix!
*sigh*
Well, I guess he really IS a Silly Rabbit.
Now about that pizza…
Has anyone told Silly Rabbit about Warreners?
Whether candles or dynamite, that Silly Rabbit leaves a large carbon footprint.
You’re back? Here I was expecting to visit an old boneyard of a website and I find this Web 2.0 thingamabob?
Color me, well, kerfuffled.
He’ll be back again next week.
WWDC wouldn’t be the same without the CAARAAZZZEEE CARS blow by blow coverage.
Or is TWS all we’ve got to look forward to now?
Man we’re all fucked!
Yep.
Don’t say it too loud though, some folks haven’t noticed. Let ’em have their denial while it lasts.
is the redesign just a tease?
It’ll be good to see his posting and the place come alive again. At the moment, it just feels like Elm Street. All it needs is John to complete it.
Meanwhile, it’s raining on our parade.
My soup is cold. Moltz posted without telling me. Somebody told me there are things written on the internet than aren’t even true. Oh, this day is shaping up just fine.
Sit up straight, young man. And if you must play with your food, play some Pink Floyd.
Thank you.
There aren’t many young men named Floyd anymore, especially those who can play the pinks as well as the blues.
So, play your heart out, Floyd. And tickle those ivories while you’re at it. Just make sure the walrus is asleep first.
Did the Beatles tickle the ivories with “I am the Walrus”?
Ah HA! I get it now!!! I’ve been using honey, whisky and lemon to quiet my cough… silly me. Whisky, check. Sexy, you better believe it.
*Off to get some fresh technology*
*snicker, snicker*
Fresh technology, *wink* riiiight.
At least you didn’t question the ‘sexy’ part… you’re up kinda early.
Well, it’s five o’clock somewhere…
It is. So stop bloody shouting. Some of us are trying to sleep.
Sorry. It’s afternoon here.
Rip said there was a new post… and cake. Well, maybe not the cake, but it turns out that there’s only this week-old post.
Damn, and I really wanted the cake!
Shouting?
Boy… Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the pond this morning….
blank- The cake is a lie.
Whoo hoo!!! 5 o’clock!!!!
Limoncello anyone?
Why should one put citrus fruit in one’s violoncello?
You Americans are strange.
Yes, yes we are, and no mistake, but limoncello was invented in Italy. Sorrento to be specific.
Booze that tastes like drinking a lemon-meringue pie… mmmmmm!
… and is blissful mixed with Vodka and cranberry juice.
Sheesh… A bunch of alcoholics around here.
I’m gonna go make a margarita….
I always wanted to make a Margarita, but my wife dissuaded me.
That terrible old one about
‘All my life I’ve wanted to dress nattily.
Natalie lives in the flat upstairs.
Seen yesterday on a vintage car for sale:
“Must go! Girlfriend pregnant,
Wife mad!!”
Well it’s good to see that some things never change… Moltz ≠predictable.
Ninety-two!
Well, I don’t feel like posting whole jokes, so here are some punch lines. Enjoy…
Rectum?!? Darn near killed ’em!!!!!
Excuse me, where’s the bar tender?
A frog in a blender.
Twelve, if you slice ’em thin enough.
No stupid, those are for the OTHER side of the house.
No soap, radio.
I can see your house from here.
Nine. Eight. Seven…
If I could swim I’d come out there and kick your ass.
They can’t ALL be barefooted.
Hold my beer and watch this.
Why the long face?
Green side up.
It wasn’t my hat it ate, it was yours.
No, too boring, back to sleep.
Pinoccio?
Yeah, get this guy off my ass!
No, no… that’s TENTACLE!
I prefer one-liners to punch lines, since thinking is optional.
I bought some snow tires and they melted.
*sigh*
ok… I’ll play along:
“ouch”
“moo!”
“how”
Bob
Matt
Art
There are some things even rats won’t do.
Ninety-nine.
What comes after ninety-nine?
Noooooooooooooooooooooo!
One! ……… hundred……..