28 Dec 09Apple Tablet To Redefine Another Industry

According to published reports, the Apple tablet will be wildly successful and a miserable failure. By the laws of logic governing this universe, both cannot be true, so what we are left to conclude, is that one of these two assumptions is wrong.

Or are we?

Highly placed Crazy Apple Rumors Site sources now indicate this may not be the case. According to one source, in the same way the Mac redefined the computer industry, the iPod redefined the music industry and the iPhone redefined the cellular phone industry, the Apple tablet will redefine the quantum mechanics industry.

“The Apple tablet creates a quantum singularity that acts as a focal point for multiple universes,” said the source, who declined to come out from the box he was hiding in. “This is how you can have rumors of it being 7 inches and 10 inches, $400 and $800, a hit and a flop. It is all of these things and many more.”

Upon first interacting with the device, whether at a physical Apple Store, through the online puchasing process or even through a reseller, the customer will experience a quantum shift that will cause them to experience the tablet in all universes at once.

“This is very exciting,” said technology analyst Michael Gartenberg. “The quantum mechanics industry is an immature and stagnant market, ripe for shaking up.”

Gartenberg admitted he himself was baffled at the myriad of points of view on a device that, as far as anyone really knows, doesn’t even exist and was relieved to be able to finally put some logic to it.

“Apple may be having power management issues on the device,” Gartenberg suggested “Since its quantum mechanical effects are already influencing people who haven’t even purchased or seen one.

“Either that or it’s just that none of these morons writing about the tablet has any idea what they’re talking about,” he said.

“But I’m so tired of that being the case that I’m really hoping it’s the quantum singularity thingy.”

65 Responses to “Apple Tablet To Redefine Another Industry”

  1. Nxxx says:

    Have you no Stale Curried Possum Shops in The States?

  2. Huh? says:

    Erm… no.
    What would a suitable replacement be?

  3. Nxxx says:

    Well, that’s one of the disadvantages of leaving The Great British Empire. BTW:-Stand up and salute as you read that.

  4. Ace Deuce says:

    Imperialism is so out of fashion these days — no one wants to submit to subjugation anymore. Woe is me!

  5. Brother Mugga says:

    A Great British Empire replacement for Stale Curried Possum would be Stale Curried Cheese-eating-surrender-monkey. Or ‘play-possom-frog’, as the Prussians know it.

  6. Steve G. says:


    We’re American, not French.
    We’re the ones who celebrate their national holiday by getting drunk and playing with multiple forms of fire (grilling meats and setting off fireworks (and in some cases, firearms)).

  7. Nxxx says:

    A perfect definition of the French or us, veggies excepted.

  8. PonyRD says:

    … and anyway, who wants to submit to subjugation with a plethora of sexbots running around?


    me (submit to subjugation with a plethora of sexbots…) mmmm…

  9. iMoo says:

    @ Huh?-

    I’ll ship the opossums ASAP. (You didn’t think to ask me?)

  10. Huh? says:

    Hey, you’re right… There would definitely be something like that in your neck of the woods….
    What did you think of the new mini-fluff?

  11. […] the hiated Moltz has already said all there is to say about the tablet rumors, we bring you instead our predictions for everything else that is likely to […]

  12. Klutz says:

    I think it will be better than a chocolate chip

  13. Mike says:

    It’s going to be 1984 all over again.

  14. Mike says:

    It’s 1984 all over again!
    Sweet apple.
    Very sweet

  15. Согласен с предыдущим оратором.

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