Stark Expo Hires Paul Kent.

In a stunning blow to IDG, Stark Expo has hired away the man widely credited for keeping Macworld Expo afloat since Apple stopped attending the conference after last year.

Stark Industries CEO Pepper Potts, who sits on the board of Stark Expo, explained the move.

“After the events of Stark Expo 2010, we need someone with Paul’s experience in rebuilding confidence in a conference,” she said. “As you can imagine, it’s a little hard to get exibitors to sign on for Stark Expo 2011 when their pavillions were all destroyed by automated battle drones controlled by a Russian maniac bent on revenge. Paul brings a proven track record of being able to accentuate the positive in a difficult situation.”

For his part, Kent was melancholy about leaving Macworld Expo behind, but excited about the opportunity presented to him.

“I’ll miss the people of the Apple community who I’ve worked with for so long,” Kent said. “That truly was the best thing about putting this show on every year. The people.”

“But, holy crap, is Stark Expo paying me a lot of money! I mean, I threw out a number that was so big astronauts could see it from space and they added a zero to it! I should have switched to defense industry conference planning years ago. No offense, but so long, Mac suckers!”

Composing himself and wiping the tears of laughter out of his eyes with a crisp $100 bill, Kent said “No, but seriously, I’m gonna miss you.”

Kent does have his work cut out for him. So far the only two exhibitors signed on for 2011 are Stark Industries itself and Xe Services.

“I’m pretty sure that, with the help of my obscene entertainment budget and the Stark Industries luxury box at Yankee Stadium, I’ll be able to sign on some more big-name exhibitors this summer,” Kent said. “I dunno, does anyone make cases for weapons systems? People like cases.”

IDG CEO Bob Carrigan issued a prefunctory statement expressing his personal disappointment while wishing Kent all the best.

Carrigan was later seen at a Boston drinking establishment crying while sipping a crantini.

73 thoughts on “Stark Expo Hires Paul Kent.”

  1. Well, there must be some war-sexbot connection hiding somewhere.
    Fourth ? Never been that high before !
    Now I can get down.

  2. Hey! What if Stark bought Apple? I bet we’d get some pretty cool lookin’ M-80s then, huh? Am I right? Huh? I think I’ll take my glock in bondie-blue.

  3. I prefer my hundred-dollar bills soft and velvety, especially when using them to towel off.

  4. @James: Try Dalmatian instead. It’s the new(old) Bondi.

    @Ace: I cant agree more. A crisp $100 bill will practically put your eye out. Even faster than a Red Ryder BB Gun (with a compass in the stock and a thing that tells time).

    @iMoo: Oh, that’s right. You haven’t posted yet…

  5. iMoo didn’t even get twelfth! These are troubling times, if only because my Pants™ seem to be developing an unhealthy obsession with space travel.

  6. @buthidae: Pants™ developing an unhealthy obsession with space travel should be expected, and to some extent, supported.
    When your Pants™ show an interest in time travel… well, find another creative outlet for them.

    Trust me. And my Pants™

  7. Stark Expo exhibitors who get nervous just because their pavilions are destroyed by automated battle drones really just need to find a new line of work.

  8. Surely he should be able to sign up Cyberdyne Systems? Or Tyrell Corporation? I think I have their numbers somewhere….

  9. b, I would prefer to keep the warbots and the sexbots separate. Wouldn’t want to confuse the two in the dark. That would be painful.

  10. Listen, a Stark Expo without rampaging battle drones would be like a Macworld Expo without a Steve Jobs keynote. It would be like a MacBook without FireWire. It would be like a WWDC without Mac Design Awards. It would be like…

    Oh, crap.

    Iron Man 3 is really gonna suck, isn’t it?

  11. Steve, I was going to suggest : the war-bots in Flower-Power and the Sex-bots in Dalmatian, but you said “in the dark”. Well, I guess that there’s going to be some bargain playing… Kind of ‘try to find out who I am’ and that kind of stuff…as long as you keep your notes crispy…

  12. @ Huh?- Sorry, I was busy having a life… and how dare you tease me with the possibility of color coordinated firearms!

    @ buthidae- Don’t listen to Huh? the support should be in the form of belts and tacky suspenders only.

  13. Well, as for me, I’m looking forward to the conference track on adapting iApps to weapon system design. (The brochure says the title of the series of talks is “From iLife to iDeath: A New Perspective on Killer Apps.”). And I understand that Steve himself has a presentation that describes proven methods for using Keynote for fire control in high-threat environments.

  14. J turn and a tyre rolled. It was exciting lecturing and demonstrating anti hijack techniques.

  15. “Kent does have his work cut out for him. So far the only two exhibitors signed on for 2011 are Stark Industries itself and Xe Services.”

    Well, I doubt Hammer Industries will be back next year.

  16. @Steve,

    With regard to any company coming to market with sexbots anytime soon, it may interest you to know that my Japanese cousin (an EverFocus EQ 350 installed in the Kawasaki Industrial District) just sent me some footage he took recently. He says it’s of a meeting between a Product Line Manager from Apple and an Android Engineer employed by the tech company he works for over there.

    It shows the engineer demonstrating to the manager a problem they’ve been having with their latest model fembot. Apparently this is the exact same problem Apple has been trying to overcome for years now, and it has been the one thing that has prevented them from completing and bringing to production their own design for a truly marketable sexbot.

    It seems that both companies have independently discovered a fundamental limiting principle of fembot design which threatens to defeat the whole purpose of building sexbots in the first place. Stated simply, that principle is basically this: the more a robot is made to look like a woman, the more it wants to interrupt you and talk over anything you try to say. Apple engineers call this phenomenon the “Drescher Effect,” while the Japanese have adopted the term “心構えキラー” (“kokorogamare keerah,” or “mood killer”). As you can easily see for yourself the phenomenon is clearly evident in the linked video.

    It’s also fair to point out that the engineer and product manager, being typical men, obviously have no trouble ignoring everything the fembot has to say, important as it undoubtedly must be. If I (as a mere camera) may venture an opinion, I would say that this bodes ill for any future improvement in communications between the sexes ever resulting from this sort of technology.

    Nonetheless, we can only hope that the two development teams coupled together can come up with a solution to this seemingly impenetrable, and perhaps insurmountable, problem.

  17. Right. So Cameron backs down over the 1922 committee and *still* no new post from Moltz.

    And he calls this a *news* site.

  18. A mate of mine took Miss Diaz round London for a day.

    Very nice, apparently.

    ‘took….round London’ isn’t a euphemism, by the way.

    More’s the pity.

    And it means he was born with a silver yacht in his mouth, Ace. His family traded it for his chin.

  19. BroMu,
    Noticed that you had ‘Any Questions’ down your neck of the woods yesterday.

    Any riots?

  20. No, although I made sure I was ‘packing tin’ that night just in case it all kicked off. A couple of my students did in the front row, however (Master ‘Checked Shirt Lumberjack’ and the basket case next to him, over whom’s ear the camera hovered for most of the show). I must say I’m a bit disappointed neither of them decked Piers ‘Endangered British Troops for an Ego Trip’ Morgan. Carpe Diem and all that. Gravesend is actually my home town: I only moved to Higham this year. To get away from it, clearly.

    Gravesend Kent, by the way, oh transatlantic chums. Not Gravesend NY. Which I once visited (just up from the Coney Island DMZ). Nice!

  21. Students? Impressive!

    Fell asleep and thankfully only saw the last bit, if only it was.

    You have embarrassing students, I have embarrassing old boys. Can you beat Kelvin Mackenzie?

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