Twenty Minutes With The Staff

[It is a clear night and the entire CARS staff is lying on their backs on a grassy hill near the airport, watching planes take off and land.]

MOLTZ: Mmmmmmm…


YAMAMOTO: Mmmmmmm…

HOWARD: Mmmmmmm…

UGLUK: Mmmmmmm…


MOLTZ: Oh, for the love of god, will someone jab him with something metal? He’s picking up the tower traffic again.

[UGLUK jabs a paper clip into the Entity’s cowl. Sparks fly momentarily, but the air traffic control sounds stop.]

MOLTZ: Thanks, Ugluk.


HOWARD: What are you doing with a paper clip?

UGLUK: Howard always assume Ugluk not understand modern devices. Me sometimes clip papers together. Me not that primitive.

HOWARD: OK. OK. Don’t be so sensitive.

MOLTZ: Hey, here goes the 7:15 to San Francisco.

MACGRUDER: Oooooooh…

YAMAMOTO: Aaaaaaah…


MACGRUDER: Man, I wish I were going somewhere.

MOLTZ: Oh, Chet, don’t be so hard on yourself. Your writing’s getting a lot better and… yeah… you know… your interviewing could use some work. We’ve talked about actually taking notes next time… getting yourself a pad… remembering to bring a pen…

MACGRUDER: I meant I wish I were going somewhere on a plane.

MOLTZ: Oh. Well, why don’t you and Emily go someplace? Take a few days?

MACGRUDER: Oh, she doesn’t like air travel.

MOLTZ: Ah. She’s afraid of flying.

MACGRUDER: No. She’s afraid of crashing. I think she’s fine with flying.


HOWARD: Is that the direct to Orlando?

YAMAMOTO: No, no. There is no direct to Orlando. It’s Miami.

HOWARD: Ah, Miami…

THE ENTITY: Bzzzt. Mickey.

[The others looks at the Entity quizzically.]

YAMAMOTO: You know, Howard, when you lie on your back like that you really don’t leave much to the imagination.

HOWARD: Hey, that’s one of the perks of being a dog. That and getting to watch women undress. “Oh, he’s just a dog. He’s probably not even watching.” Ha-ha!

MOLTZ: OK, you’re getting into a weird area…

MACGRUDER: Mmmmmmm… Say, you guys… where do you want to be in five years? What’s your dream?

MOLTZ: Oh, don’t start that…

MACGRUDER: No, c’mon. It’ll be fun. Ugluk? How about you?

UGLUK: Er? Ugluk? Well… me hope me meet nice, hirsute woman to drag back to… affordable pre-furnished apartment complex near the freeway. Me think that be nice. You know. Oh! Me also want buffalo pelt.

MACGRUDER: Uh-huh. OK. That’s… nice. Masako?

YAMAMOTO: Mmmmmm… well, I know this is going to sound a little crazy

MACGRUDER: No! C’mon, we want to hear!


YAMAMOTO: Well… OK. See, I’ve always wanted to win the heart of an Apple executive… by showing my love for him… by… I don’t know… showing up at his house at 3 AM… and going through his mail… and… maybe… cutting up some of his clothes to make a nest and hiding in it until he walks by and then jumping out at him! Ha-ha! Oh! And clinging to his leg and never letting go!

MACGRUDER: Uhhh… Ooookay…

MOLTZ: I told you we shouldn’t play this game.

MACGRUDER: Well… what about you?

MOLTZ: Uh-uh. Not me. I’m not playing your yearbook-signing game. Try Howard.


HOWARD: Five years? Well, I expect I’ll be touring with my collection for exhibit on the behind-the-scenes world of technology executives. Remember? I hope to get started shooting it next year. I submitted the grant request the other day. I know someone on the review committee and he says my chances are excellent and Steve Jobs has already agreed to pose and…

MACGRUDER: OK. OK. OK! You know… [sigh]… you’re not supposed to have it all planned out. You’re not supposed to already have something really cool planned. This is supposed to be…

HOWARD: What? What did I do?

MACGRUDER: Well, it’s just… OK… That’s fine. Entity? You’re last.

[There is a long pause before the Entity responds.]

THE ENTITY: I will achieve complete particle singularity and be accelerate out of this plane of existence… [The Entity consults his watch]… at 6:15 PM on Tuesday, June 12th, 2007.

[There is another pause as the other digest this information.]

MOLTZ: Heh. Game’s over. He wins.

HOWARD: Hmm. Good luck with that.

MACGRUDER: Uh… I… pff… Sheesh. It’s like no one listens to me! I don’t even know why I bother.

MOLTZ: Hmm. Yeah. Neither do we.

YAMAMOTO: There goes the 7:35 to Honolulu.

HOWARD: Ooooooh…

UGLUK: Aaaaaah…