Apple A Hoax.

Shocking news over the weekend has rocked the Macintosh community. In a series of devastating revelations posted to Slashdot and other sites, Apple has been revealed to be a hoax.

As the following pictures will reveal, the company, the staff and even the Macintosh itself are all an elaborate fabrication.

In this startling picture, obtained from Apple’s own web site, you can actually see the wires holding up the “Power Mac” and “Cinema Display”.

Around the “Apple” world today, users report tapping on the front of their “screens”, only to have them fall over, revealing them to be nothing but cardboard facades.

“I’m not sure why I never noticed that the ‘computer’ I was working with was simply a cardboard facade held up with wire,” said the San Jose Mercury News’ Dan Gillmor. “But I’ll admit, I was had.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go buy a PC.”

Further evidence comes from Mac user Matthew Reddick, who posted his findings to the Internet on Sunday. According to Reddick, he was startled when he walked into a local Target, looking to purchase a picture frame.

“I was fishing through a bunch of them and there, at the back, was a frame with pictures of all the Apple executives in it,” Reddick wrote, also posting the following image.

“Cleary the images on Apple’s site are stock footage taken from a store-bought frame. These ‘executives’ don’t even exist.”

Finally, calls placed to “Apple” today were met only with a message indicating the number was not in service.

While it is still unclear who has perpetrated this elaborate hoax, spanning decades and involving the great expense of trade shows and fake marketing campaigns, some point to well-known kidder Leonard Swinton of Montoursville, PA.

“I ain’t sayin’ he did it, but Lenny’s always pulling crazy stuff like this,” said Marvin Aikens, a friend of Swinton’s.

“Heh. That Lenny…”

30 thoughts on “Apple A Hoax.”

  1. The Chorincles of Reddick!

    No, wait… that’s Riddick.

    Never mind.

    Wait, I *did* thye Chorincles and not Chronicles. Maybe my brain is telling me something.


    It’s saying, “Get back to work, you slacker!”


  2. Wow, so you mean the pay that I have been getting every 2 weeks for 7 years from Apple was FAKE MONEY!!! Oh crap, I am so much trouble…….

  3. On the other hand, why the hell am I still sitting here! I am off to get a slurpee…

  4. In a shock development, Microsoft today revealed that their new operating system, ‘Dongporn,’ will be entirely suspended from cables and feature a new, proprietary type of cardboard facade.

    “We’re very excited about taking mock-computing to the NeXt level” explained Prancing Honey Monster look-alike executive Steve Ballmer. “This apparently sudden move to 64-bit pretend stuff has, in fact, always been part of our finely wrought game-plan, and is indicative of our commitment to innovation within the sham-company industry as a whole. Indeed, I myself have maintained close relationships with several imaginary friends on a personal basis for a number of years . . . until they stopped returning my calls…” At this point Ballmer flicked at some invisible flies and then suddenly started attempting to moon-walk (badly) before screaming “Check out my new moves – come on! Come on! Give it up for me!”

    As if responding to some unseen signal, several employees immediately ran over, stood in a circle around the gyrating Ballmer, and started clapping and chanting “Developers, developers, developers…” until finally being scattered by security personnel employing smoke and water cannon.

  5. [….until finally being scattered by security personnel employing smoke and water cannon.]

    Um…is that a smoke and water cannon, or smoke and a water cannon? I really gotta know.

    Or is it like some kind of cover and concealment? I wish I could get a job in computer security.

    Or at least soaking down Balmer when he gets out of line. That’d be a cool job.

  6. Of course you know “Of Mice and Men” was a thinly disguised piece of communist propaganda. In fact, if you tap gently on your copy of “Of Mice and Men”, it will fall over, revealing itself to be simply a cardbord facade.

    Behind which is a picture frame with a picture of Uncle Joe, some guy named Leon Trotsky, and seven other people with big red “X”‘s through them.

  7. hmmm Reddick…… what an interesting last name. I’m sure he was popular at school with the ladies with a name like that.

  8. Wait! I just tapped me and I fell over!

    Pretty soon, you’ll be telling us that the MegaPost is nothing more than a cardboard facade, too!

    [Does anybody know how to get that “c” with the funny little squiggle under it on a PeeCee? I needed that above to hold up the “c” in facade… wait, need it again. Where’s a Mac facade when you need… ooops. Need that funny “c” again.]

  9. The MEGA-POST is real!!!!!!

    I’ve been living there, unless the Mega-Post is really just a cardboard box. Great I’ve been living in a cardboard box. I guess that means that all my adventures there have been in my mind.

  10. Startling news today after a Kerry supporter tapped him on the forehead to find that he was merely a cardboard façade. Angry supporters claim that the cardboard candidate was put in place by the Bush administration in their attempts to keep Bush in for a second term.

  11. on a PeeCee you hold down the ALT key while typing 0121 to get a •.

    I have no idea how to get to the French Ç thing, but it’s like one of those ALT+0000 things.

  12. well, i guess the iMac was fake all this time too…now that apple finally admits you can’t even buy one…

  13. ç I found it, I found it!!!! And I didn’t even know about that whole alt + number thing!!! Trial & error…..

    Try Alt+135.

    PS I pushed my heavy 19inch crt…. Theres now a very big hole in the wall!!!

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