Jobs To Fight Rose After WWDC.

According to numerous paper notes being passed in sessions at Apple’s Worldwide Developers Conference, CEO Steve Jobs will fight Konfabulator co-creator Arlo Rose near the swings outside the Moscone Center after the conference concludes.

Jobs and Rose’s disagreement is the result of what many feel is the appropriation of Konfabulator’s functionality in Tiger’s Dashboard.

Rose is also rumored to believe that Jobs smells and he looks funny and he dresses like a dork and is a stupid four-eyes. Jobs, on the other hand, thinks Rose is a loser and the only reason he is whining is that he is a loser who doesn’t know how not to be a loser because he’s such a loser.

Sources at the conference were sketchy on what style of fight it would be, what rules would apply, who would be allowed to throw the first punch or how a winner would be determined.

But already chants of “Fight! Fight! Fight!” could be heard on the exhibition floor and clustered groups of developers, journalists, Apple employees and Mac enthusiasts were talking of little else.

“Oh, man, this is gonna be the best!” said the New York Times’ David Pogue. “Arlo is so gonna kick Steve’s ass!”

Safari developer David Hyatt disagreed, saying “Nuh-uh. No he isn’t. Nuh-uh.”

Jobs has already received unsolicited advice from several Apple executives including Chief Software Technology Officer Avie Tevanian who suggested “going for the nuts.” Jobs, however, claims to be able to beat Rose without resorting to “fighting like a girl. Which is what Arlo is. A girl.”

Rose responded that he is rubber and Jobs is glue, and that insults said by Jobs will bounce off of him, ironically sticking to Jobs instead.

Other notes currently being passed at the conference indicate that attendees think that iPod Marketing Manager Danika Cleary is cute and they wonder if Cleary thinks that they are cute, too.

Sources close to Cleary say, however, that Cleary does not think that attendees are cute and that she can do so much better than them.

36 thoughts on “Jobs To Fight Rose After WWDC.”

  1. Well, I’m not an attendee. So, by the logic of the article’s last sentence, she’s interested in me!

  2. Never me. I want First Post.

    Then I’ll hang it up on the wall will my first VEVO at As the Apple Turns. That would be sw33t!

    “ph34r my mithril” as seen here:

    And on another note:

    [Rose responded that he is rubber and Jobs is glue, and that insults said by Jobs will bounce off of him, ironically sticking to Jobs instead.]

    That’s the funniest thing the CARS folks have written since….um, well, uh, ever.

    I’m sure talkative today, guess it must be because them folks have put out the newest version of Labels X, so now I can label my folders to my heart’s content! Yeah!

    See? Wouldn’t that have been a great first post? Arrrrrrrrgggg!!!!!!

  3. THAT was a beautiful send-up of the situation! My hat is off to John…never laughed as much at a CARS item…

  4. Danika looks like she could really kick some ass too. (Hot, smart and tough but yet still feminine: a lethal combination.) That should be your follow-up story: Cleary to Help Jobs Kick Rose’s Ass, Will Take on Slobbering WWDC Attendees After

  5. Ummm… isn’t Danika the iChat manager, not iPod?

    Not that it matters. I’ll still do her homework for her. Even if she doesn’t do me under the bleachers like she promised.

    I sure hope she doesn’t turn out to be allergic to me, too, like Nancy Heinen discovered when it was time to do me in the band room after I let her cheat off my typing test. She said it was extremely rare, and she really wanted to do me in the band room like she promised, but she just started sneezing every time I tried to kiss her. Poor girl.

  6. > Avie Tevanian who suggested “going for the nuts.”

    Steve doesn’t need that advice. He’s a vegan.

  7. Sorry Bill but it’s not “a ass” it’s “an ass”.

    For Example

    Bill Gates is an ass.

    Bill Gates is an asshole.

    Bill Gates is an asswipe.

    Bill Gates is stupid.

    Bill Gates is really annoying son of a ……

    sorry I got carried away there. You get my point though.

  8. Abe, Abe, Abe. You were making your point and then you forgot the “an” in the last line.

    It should read:

    Bill Gates is really an annoying son of a bitch.


    Bill Gates is really an annoying ass.

    Bill Gates is really an annoying asshole.

    Bill Gates is really an annoying asswipe.

    I hope that helped.

  9. With writing like this I would SWEAR that you guys are 14-year-old school kids. Really, it is VERY authentic.

    Do you know a kid named Seymour Nutts?

  10. Right. Playtime’s over, children.

    Come on – back to lessons.

    Yes, that includes you, Moltz.

    And why do you appear to have a *dog* in school, pray tell?


    PS: No – really. I am. So do what I tell you or I’ll slap you in detention. And then – because that’s naughty – you’ll have to slap me…

    PPS: Okay, Danika may well be a robo-sexbot . . . but did they run out of bits or something? *Man* is she small.

    PPPS: Batrico – I’m *really* hoping that ‘the bleachers’ isn’t an anatomical term.

  11. If there ever ends up being a filler week or something and, say, you decide to do reruns, remember this post. It fights for the forces of awesome.

    Aaaaand, Arlo’s gonna fuck up Steve Jobs. Seriously, how can some vegan-boy who flies everywhere in his fancy jet take on someone who actually moves his own ass? No contest man, no contest.

  12. PPPPPS: Oh my. Just copped Danika ‘handling’ the iSight camera on that video.

    Is that wrong? Really, is it?

  13. Forget Steve vs. Arlo! I heard Danika’s about to fight Carly Fiorina behind the girl’s gym! Who’s coming with?

  14. From what I see, Danika’s most recent title is iPod Marketing Manager. She was iSight Line Manager last year but has been referred to as iPod Marketing Manager in 2004.

    Please cite your sources.

  15. Correct. She is indeed the iPod product manager. Hence, the picture of the iPod in her picture in the iChat demo. And also, hence ALL the google hits in her name as the iPod product manager. How do I know of such hits??? One may wonder…

  16. Danika had an unfortunate accident during the development of of the iPod Mini and got too close the iPod shrink ray. Thankfully, I was able throw one of the sharks with a laser beam attached to it’s skull in the path of the beam and therefore prevented her from shrinking to nothingness. She was so greatful that…. Oops, I promised her not to tell anyone.

  17. Hrunga Zmuda, even though you’re last name isn’t the same as Danikas’, and your email address seems to have a german domain.

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