Based on the tax filings of Apple and the major Apple rumor sites, a study conducted by Crazy Apple Rumors Site indicates that the combined income of the rumor sites is now greater than that of the company they cover.
While Apple made $3.52 billion last quarter, the rumor sites raked in the following:
ThinkSecret – $1.8 billion
SpyMac – $2.1 billion
Apple Insider – $322 million
Mac Rumors – $709,432
MacOS Rumors – $17.23 in loose change
Crazy Apple Rumors Site – one shiny buffalo head nickel
As it turns out, the Apple world now more fully revolves around the reporting of rumors of new products than the actual sale of those products. And Apple’s litigious nature in regards to rumor mongering has only made it more forbidden – more dirty – and therefore more enticing.
“When I first switched to the Mac, I wasn’t really all that into Apple rumors,” said Mac user Todd Abbott. “But then when Apple sued Think Secret, I thought, hmm, maybe I should check that shit out. That sounds nasty.
“Now I’m hooked. I’m hanging out on message boards, I’m pressing reload on SpyMac like every thirty seconds. It’s like a Macworld keynote for me all the time.
Suddenly shaking and glancing back at his G5 iMac as it idled on Apple Insider, Abbott said “I… I think I may have a problem.”
Apple’s attempts to starve rumor sites by firing employees who leak information has also only served to make people more curious.
“What are they hiding?” asked one poster on SpyMac’s message boards. “A tablet device? A cell phone? I know one dude who swears it’s atomic cake. Could that be it? Atomic cake? And what the heck does that mean, anyway? I mean… cake is inherently made up of molecules so, in a sense, all cake is atomic. So what the hell is ‘atomic’ cake?
“I think I’ll go make some mock-ups of brushed metal cake with a white Apple logo. I’ll post them here when I’m done.”
Some have expressed fear that the rumor sites may pool their resources and actually try to buy Apple, thus controlling the source of their most precious business input. However, sources indicate the rumor site owners have already blown most of their revenues on booze, cheap hookers and, of course, Macintosh computers and iPods.
1st
A close 2nd
Thoid!
I mean Thyroid!
I mean Third!
Fourth!
Hmm…nuclear pudding…shiny pie…my nipples get erect just thinking about the unspoken (unspeakable?) possibilities….
All clocks are atomic.
Cakes? Not so much.
Although they can be carbon-dated.
Cakes? Carbonated.
Meanwhile…
Hey, I want a shiny buffalo nickel.
All I have is the regular ones.
Oh, maybe sixth? (probably 7 or 8)
And we all know the CARS staff would never go and spend their money on “booze, cheap hookers and, of course, Macintosh computers and iPods.”
CARS staff are all respectible members of society…
Ahm….
er, but they are still funny!
Is atomic cake the same as yellowcake uranium?
If so, I can cut you a slice, if you want.
Could be a very small cake. That would suck.
Just in case….11th.
aand eleventh again!
And I did it all without even posting a booster post. Y’all happy now?!
Gee, you think MacOSRumors earns that much, even with all of their pop ups, flash, and other annoying ads?
John,
With results like that you should be asset stripping, how much for the sexbots?
Thrixnoonth.
I don’t believe that story one bit. That’s just a rumor.
IT”S Spymac, not SpyMac. Why can’t you get it RIGHT?@!???!?!???@#@#$!??#@?$?@#?%!#??!#@$?%
Hehe, I’m so funny, they think I’m mad about it…
*Looks up*
Uhhh, oh, I didn’t know this was still on….
Cullen
Guys,
I smell a rat, although it could be Howard.
Just a few days ago, John and his fellow executives were betting Quatloos on the relative merits of Mark, sorry Zimbabwe, or is it Briggs and, I can’t remember or be bothered to look, but accuracy is out of place and will probably be censured on this site.
Questions that need answering
1) Why is there such a small reported profit?
2) What is the current exchange rate of Quatloos?
3) Where did the executives amass their fortunes?
4) Why aren’t the audited accounts published?
5) The only assets CARS have is the Commenters, so why aren’t we paid?
6) The CARS executives have been offered considerable financial rewards for control of us Commenters by rival sites. Why were we not informed of our value?
We are what our UK Prime Minister refers to as ‘Stake-holders’ and as such , unless Mr. Moltz pays the Commenters, we shall be forced use our stakes to do a Buffy on Mr. Moltz and his fellow executives excluding Howard, as the animal welfare people play rough.
Please explode in a convincing manner.
Ask not what this site can do for you, but what you could do for SpyMac or Spymac or whatever because they seem to have more money. Maybe they would pay top dollar for “posters” or for pictures of poster’s sisters.
Hey, I resent that. I haven’t visited SpyMac since those obviously bogus Apple PDA stories way back when.
Let’s see, I visit CARS everyday, and MacSurfer, but the only site I reload every 30 seconds is As the Apple Turns. That’s been pretty unsatisfying lately.
Oh, and I never “switched” to the Mac. My first computer was a 512Ke back in ’88, and I’ve never looked back.
Tod Abbott (and check your spelling!)
I wouldn’t sully my fingers by posting comments on sites other than CARS.
That’s too “gutter” for me.
where can you get a hooker for a nickel?
Time travel will solve your dilemma GENERALBOB.
Psyko
Or maybe you can mail-order some.
Never mind, you wouldn’t be able to pay for the postage.
Time travel is the only option.
MARK
[meta comment; best post for this comment thread was the JFK “Ask Not…” speech. Great concept. I, for one, would pay good $$ for a poster of a poster’s hot sister’s poster of Alyson Hannigan. I mean, come on!]
MicroSort: We make our software without any open source impurities, except for some bits of Unix… Oh and some *early* MacOS stuff. Oh, and some of the Aqua and Quartz stuff, but NOTHING ELSE except good old Redmond “Brown” Coding. I mean, come on!
And finally; “Alyson Hannigan”, no wait… “Some have expressed fear that the rumor sites may pool their resources and actually try to buy Apple”
Is that a rumor in and of itself? If they report that the price with just go up for Apple. Hell, I could buy Apple right no with the money in my sock, but in doing so I would wipe out 90% of the ideas I appropriate. [Damn, I spell good]
Hey Psyko, where did you get a time travel device?
Did you get it off the internet? Did you remember to put the crystals in?
My own study has shown that people posting “first post” comments on Apple rumor sites are collectively making more money than the rumor sites themselves.
And they’re using it to buy porn.
It’s true, I would switch back to Windows tomorrow if they had decent rumour sites.
Never, not once has there ever been a single goat on wininsider.com.
Can you believe that?
Mmmmmm, Alyson Hannigan in spandex….. with a goat.
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