Creative And Apple To Rumble.

According to a press releases issued by both companies today, Creative – makers of an also-ran digital music player – and Apple – makers of the industry-leading iPod – have agreed to meet out by the swings after class tomorrow to rumble.

The arrangement caps months of posturing and, by mutual agreement, will supposedly settle their differences once and for all.

Some gleeful technology industry followers could barely contain their excitement.

“This is gonna be so excellent!” the New York Times’ David Pogue declared. “Apple’s gonna be like wham! And Creative’s gonna be like scudda-bwam! And then Apple’s gonna be like dooj-dooj! But Apple is so gonna kick Creative’s ass! Creative’s gonna be crying like a girl! Like a girl!

“Ha-ha! It’s gonna be so excellent.”

The Wall Street Journal’s Walt Mossberg disagreed.

“The fact that Creative holds a patent so similar to the interface used in the iPod,” Mossberg said, “and that the Zen player came to market first are compelling legal arguments that will establish precedent.

“And, um, Creative is so gonna whale on Apple. I mean, like, it’s totally going to kick Apple’s ass. Like, Apple would need to be spotted, like, some nunchucks or something just to, like, not get its ass completely kicked.

“‘Cause it’s so gonna get its ass kicked.”

Intel, Sony, Microsoft and several other technology companies were expected to gather out by the swings at the appointed time to watch. The entire thing may get called off, however, because IBM indicated that it was going to tell Mrs. McReedy about the fight.

34 thoughts on “Creative And Apple To Rumble.”

  1. Was Mrs. McReedy a reference to the children’s TV show Balamory?

    I think you’ll find Miss Hoolie with the impossible hair is the school teacher.

    Personally, I am waiting for the porno version.

    Coming soon – “Bal-’em-morey”

    Starring Miss Hoorie – guess how she supplements her meagre teachers’ income.

    Also featuring: Easy McCreedie, the travelling Internet Pornographer – check out her video collection and introduce yourself to Josie Jump, the girl who need no nickname.

    Extra – gay special – PC Plump gets it on with Spencer in Archie’s pink palace while Penny Pocket and Suzie Sweet live up to their names when they reveal themselves as brown rice lesbians.


  2. Eels? What’s so great about eels?

    Whenever I’m walking down the long road people are always stopping by me in their hovercrafts just to tell me they’re full of eels, “that’s nothing” I say.

  3. Stupid IBM. They’re always squealing on Apple and Creative. Buncha squealers.

    Besides that, if Apple and Creative used their products as weapons, the Creative’s heavy-ass mp3 players would be all over Apple’s wispy iPods.

    Not counting the 1st gen iPods, of course.

  4. C’mon boys. Who’s it gonna be?

    Mmmm all those sweaty ripplin’ muscles…

    When yas sort it out ah’ll be upstairs…ready an’ a waitin’.


  5. Wow, when my first gen iPod died, I was in dispare; I didn’t know what to do. Now I see… I can use it as a weapon, and learn to wield it with lethal force! Haaai-yah!

  6. Nobody likes people pointing out that people don’t like people pointing out what nobody likes.

    Especially my pants.


  7. IBM will never tell. That’s Microsoft’s job.

    I had a teacher called Mrs. McReedy. She taught gym.

  8. West Coast Story

    Sure, there was going to be a rumble, and then Avie met the Executive Secretary from Creative, her name was Maria….(start song here) ……





    I met an Executive Secretary from Creative named


  10. Don’t forget that Dell totally jacked Gateway at the bus stop last week. It was an excellent fight. Gateway hung in there for a bit but then Dell was like blam-blam-blam three in a row and Gateway started crying. That was it man. What a baby. Didn’t Dell get suspended for that? No, Dell got caught cheating. Dell’s bad ass!

    I’m still thinkin’ Apple’s gonna take Creative. Remember when Apple and Mozella got into over web browsers a while back? Man, Apple was all bap bap and Mozella did a doof but Apple took it and came back with loof loof loof and then Mozella tried to kick the sissy IT IiiiIIIiiisss and Apple pined it and started rubbing its face in the chalk along the 3rd base line.

    Man, that fight was classic. Well, more like OS X rather than Classic but I don’t mean the operating system layer or anything, just classic in a, you know, classic sense.

    Apple’s gonna kick butt. Watch.

  11. Ha! Just you wait. Once they bloddy each other up, I’m coming out with a new player that will kill both fo theirs! Hahahahahah!

    And it’ll have videos and all that. Nobody else has videos, right? Mine’ll have videos, all with that new technolgoy MPEG-2. Nobody else has that right? And we have a new audio format. It makes two hours of audio fit in a file 1K in size! Hahahaha. Just because it sounds like an AM radio from the 60s doesn’t mean it’s not innovative!

    Nobody expects Sony will win!

  12. I have it on good authority that Steve is going to take Sim out with a 1st-gen 10 GB iPod in a gym sock.

    Sources relate tales of Steve swinging it around his secret compound on the roof of One Infinite Loop. HR keeps sending folks up there for a “termination interview,” but all that comes back down is body parts.

    I expect there won’t be much left of Sim after the rumble.

  13. Word going round 3rd period Lit is Apple is planning busting out the dreaded “Purple Nurple”. Thought I’m sure as soon as this happens, Microsoft will claim it invented the “Texas Titty Twister” before Apple even thought of the Nurple. And Apple will be like “Nuh-uh”, and MS will be all “Did so”.

    You can imagine how it will escalate from there…

  14. My mac crashes whenever i search for “maria” in Spotlight, so Jet Stark is so very right.

    Oh, and we already told Mrs. McReedy, so it’s off. We also bought Creative.

  15. I’m showing up to watch the fight with a shotgun. I like to support the underdog in any fight by blowing away the winner with malice and hatred.

    I hope Apple loses …

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