First Ever CARS Poll!

In recent days, several sites have asked for reader input on who Steve Jobs’ eventual replacement should be. The only problem with the polls put forth by these other sites is…

The lists of potential replacements?


I mean, who’s this “Tim Cook” guy? I think that’s a fake name. I don’t think he actually exists. Some guy with a southern accent who works at Apple? Does that even make any sense?

And, yes, we know, love, respect and party with Phil Schiller, but Phil simply cannot replace Steve. Why? Because he’s already committed to a world-wide tour of his one-man play Phil! for the next two years and then he’s supposedly cast to play John Carter in John Carter of Mars.

So Crazy Apple Rumors Site has compiled its list of serious candidates to replace Apple CEO Steve Jobs. These candidates were selected for their technological acumen as well as their vibrant personalities.

CARS will compile your responses to this poll and do absolutely nothing with them.

Gisele Bundchen

After appearing in one of the most recent Get A Mac ads, Bundchen has Apple marketing experience. And talk about someone you’d like to groom for CEO! I mean, I’d do her bikini wax, if you know what I mean.

OK, that’s not really a double entendre…

Space: 1999’s Tony Verdeschi

Surely the cream of the rather poor crop of heroes of 1970s science fiction television. And look at the size of his head! Holy crap! He’s got TV-anchorman head! His head is way out of proportion to the rest of his body. And that hair… ooh… that hair… You know, I don’t swing that way, but if I did swing that way…

Uh, well, the point is I don’t. Also, the Commlink is the clear precursor of the iPhone, so the guy’s already got the chops to cut it in the technology world.

Boba Fett

Yes, yes, I know. He just fell into the Sarlacc. But, really, that’s more the fault of George Lucas’ lack of imagination than it is a fault of the Fett. Plus, if you believe the comic book is a true story line in the Star Wars universe, then he killed the Sarlacc from the inside, crawled out of it and continued to be a badass.

Frying bacon

What has more sizzle than frying bacon? Nuthin’!


Gigantor literally is technology. Plus he’s a fricking 30-foot-tall ass-kicking robot. And the remote control that Shotaro used to control him had like two buttons on it, a model of design simplicity well suited to Apple’s standards.

Now… take the poll!