Happy Holidays!

We’ll be back next Wednesday!

Don’t play with the radio while we’re gone.

Seriously. If I come back and it’s set to a Spanish channel or something, I’m going to be really angry.

I spend a lot of time programming those buttons…

71 thoughts on “Happy Holidays!”

  1. Seventh! First time to break 10!

    What was the story about? Oh yeah, radio. I tweaked it to play Uzbekistan National Anthem. Now go back to your writing table Mr. Moltz and write something funny for the holidays! Something with less cussing and more crazy…

  2. OMG.
    Friday, two days before Christmas, and NO HELP DESK?
    What if we can’t follow the assembly instructions?
    What if a part is missing?
    What if the manual is in Japanese?
    How do I get rid of this Dell logo on my MacBook?
    If I open it before Christmas will it void the warranty?
    What does the Bible say about running Windows on a Mac? Does the Pope agree or is that just your opinion?
    Does 7-11 have the right batteries for my ipod?
    I got this brown ipod thingeee that I can’t figure out how to connect to iTunes. Can I leave the prn on it? Oh, and it’s click wheel seems to be stuck.

    Hey we did NOT touch the radio. It must have been Santa. He must have been the one who drank all the drank all the single malt.

    But our MacBook with the Dell logo seems to have this virus called “Vista.”..

  3. And who’s gonna help us prepare for Christmas if there’s no help desk? I mean help us, who don’t celebrate Christmas. Or do you think that when you’re doing crazy rumours for a living, you can just skip the political correctness?


    and top ten, by the way

  4. Wha? I get the dozeneth place here too?

    I wish I was in Tijuana
    Eatin’ bar-b-qued iguana
    I hear the talkin’
    Of the DJ
    No comprehene what did he say?
    I’m on a Mexican radio

    Ah, I loved Wall of Vodoo.

    We’re so totally messing with the radio while you’re gone AND using your toothbrush.

  5. I wouldn’t be able to read the site anyway. I’ll be too busy warming myself around the Kwanzaa fire, reminiscing about singing the beautiful Kwanzaa songs from my youth.

  6. Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all; plus a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual orientation of the wisher.” (Disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.

  7. We have the Hannukah tree all decorated with Kwanzaa symbols. And on the eve of the Winter Solstice, we’ll exchange Boxer’s Day presents.

    Then later we’ll sacrifice a virgin goat in the pentagram, nibble deep-fried green beans, and watch A Charlie Brown Christmas.

    Ah tradition.

    Don’t forget: Use a coaster.

  8. I’d be lost without the Friday Help Desk except for the fact that I live with an 18-year-old daughter, a wife, and my 68-year-old mother.

    Between them, they know everything I need to know.

    I’m going to get a piece of cardboard and a Sharpie (R) and make up a sign that says, “Will work for carbohydrates.” I’ll be in front of the mall. Be kind.

  9. Fried, baked, boiled, grilled, barbecued, skewered, flambé, raw, steamed, poached, glazed, sprinkled, fricasseed, sautéed, broiled, in a perky pesto sauce, shirred, scrambled, over easy, over medium, over and out, braised, stewed, ground, au gratin, grated, mashed, en fromage, strained, al fredo, al dente, a la mode, a la king, alma mater, alley oop, alabaster, you can call me Al, I don’t care — as long as it has processed grain, starch, or white sugar.

    And yes, I do want fries with that.

    Deviled egg?

  10. Deviled egg, deviled ham, devil food cake, angel food cake, ambrosia, honey, honey-baked ham, baked Alaska, Boston-baked beans, New England Clam Chowder, Maine lobster, Baltimore crabcakes, Cajun shrimp, shrimp cocktail, Sex on the Beach, From Here to Eternity, eternal damnation, the devil, deviled eggs.

    Pass the ketchup. You only have catsup? Well, I never…..

    My that is a pretty walnut you have there

  11. Not only reset all the buttons to the same station, we’re gonna leave the wipers on, move the mirrors, and put some sticky stuff on the wheel.

  12. Exploding radio?

    We’ve only got as far as digital radio transmission in the UK.

    Life in America is so exciting.

  13. Eating twelve eggs while the twelve bangs of the bell ring…
    Oh…that’s for the new year’s eve…
    What am I going to do with those eggs ?

    Comer twelve uevos …¿ Donde estàn servicios ? Dos tequilas, por favor.

    Never could speak spanish. That could be some new year resolution. Or not.

  14. When speaking Ex Cathedra, I declared, windows the evil spawn of hell.

    So I don’t approve, even with VMWare, let alone Boot Camp. Though Parallels is okay if used with a digital condom. Real condoms, of course, are out.

    o-Nay ex-Say ith-Way a ondom-Cay or ou-Yay ill-Way urn-Bay in ell-Hay.

  15. Oh Hey. igpay atinlay. No way today.

    A hard of hearing laundry attendant tries to help Monica Lewinsky with a stain….

    “Get this stain out.”
    “Come again?”
    “No. Mustard.”

  16. Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a beta Lesbian Ninja Sexbot.

    …Take it from there everyone….

  17. Mustard!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
    That was beautiful, man.


    When out on the lawn, arose such a clatter,
    I dropped my iPhone to see what was the matter..

  18. Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.

    Almost every Friday, the readers of Crazy Apple Rumors Site take up the slack and answer common help questions based on our vast experience with reading Crazy Apple Rumors Site.

    Q: I got my kid an iPod nano for Christmas…
    A: What seems to be the trouble?
    Q: That is the trouble…
    A: Uh…What?
    Q: My family isn’t supposed to have Apple thingies…
    A: Uh…
    Q: I kinda work for these people Apple don’t like…
    A: IBM?
    Q: What? IBM and Apple aren’t enemies any more, IBM made the chips in Macs once.
    A: Oh yeah. Well maybe they are again since Apple ditched them for Intel.
    Q: Sure, whatever. You’re not the regular guy, are you?
    A: No, the regular crew are off getting drunk and fat.
    Q: Oh.
    A: Yeah, so I’m taking up the slack.
    Q: I see…I don’t come here often you know.
    A: To the Mac blogospere?
    Q: Yeah.
    A: Why not?
    Q: I, uh, I’m Steve Ballmer.
    A: Say, why didn’t you give your kid a zune (See, I use your hip no capital at all thingy)?
    Q: Duh, they suck.
    A: Oh yeah…Just think of that every time you’re worried about the fact that you bought an iPod.
    Q: Okay, thanks.

    Q: Hi.
    A: Uh…Hi.
    Q: Is this the site which sells sexbots?
    A: Oh, no. They just talk about them a lot.
    Q: Rats.
    A: Yeah. So, while you’re here, you got any Apple products you want help with?
    Q: No man, don’t eat fruit.
    A: No, Apple Computer, the company…And you don’t eat fruit?
    Q: Oh, them dudes that make iPod. Nah, I’m pretty set thanks. And no. My friend eats nothing but, but he’s all zen.
    A: …
    Q: Yeah. You got any iZombies?
    A: No man, not out yet.
    Q: Damn…Best looking zombies ever.
    A: Yes.
    Q: You wanna hear a joke?
    A: Um. No.

    Q: Hey, do you realize who that last caller was?
    A: Bill Gates?
    Q: Dude, naw.
    A: Sorry “dude”, kinda tired. Been up all night watching videos on my iPod, catch my drift?
    Q: I don’t wanna know. Anyway, haven’t you ever seen Pirates of Silicon Valley?
    A: It’s only like my fifth favorite movie.
    Q: Okay, who does that last caller remind you of in it?
    A: Steve’s girlfriend?
    Q: No!
    A: His daughter?
    Q: NO!
    A: You tell me then, jerk.
    Q: Wozniak! Jeez! The last caller was Steve Wozniak!
    A: Oh, yeah. So it was.
    Q: [sigh]

  19. No CARS?!?!?!?!? AAAAAAAaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh! Dang. I think I injured my uvula.

    No chocolate milk for me. If God had wanted milk to be brown, he would have made Microsoft a lot sooner.

    Who brought the dog?

  20. If the Oompa Loompas working at Infinite Loop don’t get a vacation, then neither should you. Shame on you!

  21. Be serious.

    Oh, no. Wait. That’s over at MSN you have to do that.

    The Zune International Tech Support Line says they can’t do anything about brown. They can however estimate the odds that you will be in the same room with another Zune-owner, with his Zune, interested in getting some music of your favorite genre, so that you can squirt.

    The odds are roughly equivalent to the odds that lightning will incinerate all three winning lottery tickets in your left hand while you sing High Mass in Latin, Key of E-flat.

    Last post for the moment.

  22. Just like Moltz to leave his readers in the car while he sods off for a week. We really should call Reader Protective Services on him. I’ll be he doesn’t even put the readers in car seats.


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