Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.

You know, I’d feel bad about us not getting a post together tonight, but I know for a fact that you just come here for the comments anyway, so it’s no big deal.

Anyway, you’ve got the whole weekend ahead of you and a wad of cash in your sweaty little fist (which is all covered in Cheeto dust), so maybe you could dump a little of it on one of our fine advertisers.

There’s Rogue Amoeba. They make good stuff. Although Kafasis tried to kill me that one time.

Well, there’s also Delicious Monster. The things they can do with an iSight camera. Tell you what. Although Shipley did call me a… well, let’s just say he said I like to do something to dogs that I don’t. Totally. I mean… really. I don’t even know how that would work.

Anyway, that brings us to our new advertisers: Shiny White Box and Many Tricks. They also make boss software and so far neither of their CEOs has tried to kill me or accused me of being into bestiality.

Of course, we’ve only just met so…

I should probably give them some time.

…

Do you think Gruber has this kind of relationship with his advertisers?

2,949 thoughts on “Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.”

  4. Aahh, the smell of coffee in the evening …

    Wait, that’s not coffee; it’s caffeinated steam!

    With a side of carbonated strawberries.

    …

    I’ll take Merv Griffin’s Most Successful Game Show for $130 million, Alex.

  8. As the US Cricket Authority has been suspended by the International board for failing to re-write their constitution, all crickets must be removed from the tunnel system.
    Details of the distinguishing features of crickets will be prominently displayed on laser display boards, bits of scrap paper, tunnel paintings and dirt floor drawings.

    I’ll take all butterfly nets for one guinea, Alex.

  9. So I went and saw 23 this weekend. I was a little disappointed. I was expecting the movie to be about Dr. Pepper, but there wasn’t one Dr. Pepper in the whole film. I think I should get my money back.

  11. Was Mr. Pibb in it?

    I think this is another situation like they had with Antz and A Bug’s Life, or Capote and Infamous. Two studios are trying to tell the same story at the same time and there is a competition for rights and resources. The studio with 23 was able to get the title but not Dr. Pepper, so they put Mr. Pibb in, thinking no one would notice. The studio that has the rights to Dr. Pepper probably had to find another number similar to 23.

    Although there are no numbers quite like 23.

  13. When I turned my monitor upside down, all the numbers and letters fell onto the desk and the trashcan emptied. Now I have all these files jumbled up.

    Flea-market rejects for 8-trakc tapes for 3 8-track tapes and a headless Barbie, Alex

  14. Mr. Pibb wasn’t there either! I heard there were creative differences and he walked off the set. I know a lot of people think Mr. Pibb is as good as Dr. Pepper, but really I find him no substitute. I’d rather have the good Doctor any day. Of course you have to pay more if you want the real thing, but IMHO Dr. Pepper is worth it.

  15. I agree with Del, Dr. Pepper is much more substantial than Mr. Pibb, must be the years of extra education or possibly the internship that he had to suffer through. To get to be a Mr., all you have to do is live long enough. (Not a huge trick this or last century)

    I’ll take carbonated beverages for $10 $2 and $4 Alex. (lets see someone get 23 out of that)

  16. Mr Pibb is nothing more than a wannabe Simpson’s Dr. Nick Riviera. Dr Pepper is more like Dr. Hibbert, dark and funny tasting but competent.

    I’ll take beer, beer and more beer for $23, Alex.

  19. Doc, I should have known not to challenge the tunnel dwellers. Nice use of a fraction. Obviously an educated man.

    I’ll take a piece of that humble pie for $1.50 a slice Alex.

  20. Wait, that humble pie has been in the refrigrator a long time — it’s the refrigerator from Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency.

  22. Like I believe anyone opened that fridge to put in humble pie. In fact I can still see the tiny hair I stuck across the door opening so I could see if anyone was stupid enough to open the thing.

    Maybe we should get rid of it and get a new one.

    Also is it bad when you take driving advice from Dirk Gently?

  23. Thanks for the warning about the pie, just like Alex to try and pass off an expired piece o’ pie. I just say no to crows, Ace, the feathers get hung in the back of my throat and I end up coughing most of the night. And we shall not talk about the exit. It’s really great that we look out for each other down here, and I will also look out for Vit. F., that headless barbie thing bothers me a bit too.

    I’ll take Unnatural Attractions for a bottle of Clozapine Alex (it’s a gift for a friend)

  24. Hey everybody, what’s shakin’??

    Just thought that I’d see how the digging was coming along… Man, you guys have got a nice hole going here. Couldn’t help but notice that the sexbots look like they’ve worn out those “Little People” though, and the ponies look like they could use more pudding. Otherwise, things look great! Really love the green shag carpeting over to the left there…

  25. Funny, that green shag carpeting smells suspiciously like mold. Methinks the janitorial service has been slacking.

    Hey Carbonfish, you dropped your wallet! Carbonfish?

    Oh well, I’ll put it in a safe place until he (or she) returns.

    I find those unisex names vexing. Carbonfish, Pat, Kim, Jackie, Del, Marion, Fifi, Testosteronaldo, Venus, Henry-Etta, Ivana-ho, Lady Lancelot… I’m sure they are perfectly nice gals (or guys), but I wish I could tell the gender from the name, otherwise I’m not sure how to address the thank you card. Ms, Mr, Miss, Mrs, Sir, Your Royal Highness, Your Holiness?

  27. Is Charles Atlas a flexbot?

    Now that things have settled down somewhat in the tunnels, I hear from my golem spies that Rip Ragged and Psyko have been kidnapped.

    But who would do such a thing? And who would pay the ransom?

  29. Maybe we should ask Alex, he has paid out a lot in these tunnels. I bet for a few hundred, we could actually get some answers that are not in the form of a question.

  31. Ya gotta watch out for Alex, always wants something in return, never gives it up for free. Ya have to wonder why a guy would hand out all the goodies down here for the crappy answers in the form of a question we give him. (who ever thought of that anyway) I mean, where is he geting all of this stuff, we’re not taping his show down here. Ya know, now that I think about it, he might be the one who kidnapped Rip and Psyko.

    I’ll take Rip & Psyko for letting you out of the tunnel,.. alive, Alex.x

  32. Who ever kidnapped them will pay us to take them back after a while, if not I’m sure we can genetically engineer something to go after them. I’m thinking maybe an ardvark + and octopus.

  33. aardvark+octopus. I think that is a no go. I am visualizing either calamari that tastes like roadkill or a waterproof dustbuster.

    I think a better combo would be a beagle+snake. Our more recent genetic escapades have left too many tunnels off-limits to only the strong of stomach and weak of common sense.
    Hey I think I know where Rip and Psycho are.. Let’s go the Wichita tunnels….

    Alex, nevermind, I didn’t want it anyway

  35. Hey, watch where you’re walking over there in the Fresno-Duluth tunnel. I slipped on a patch of elephant shit and dropped right through an unmarked wormhole to a parallel dimension where Steve Jobs is an accounts receivable clerk for Dell. Then I had to take my friggin’ G5 to the shop. It wouldn’t restart after the lights blinked. Turns out my UPS is hosed up. Then it turned out that they had to replace a board in my Cinema Display and my optical drive was hosed.

    Oops. Gotta go. My daughter wants her MacBook back.

    I’ll take Inexpensive Loaners with Buttloads of RAM for $20, Alex.

  36. Okay, maybe my golems are not very reliable informants. But they vacuum better than a Roomba.

  37. Hey! Have any of you guys seen my wallet? It seems to have fallen out of my manly trousers and I can’t find it anywhere. It is approximately 4″X 5″ and about the same color as a badger. The brownish gray parts, not the white stripy parts, or the pointy teeth parts.

    Anyway, if you see it, could you please drop it up a non-linear worm hole so that it is forwarded back to me?

    Thanks.

  38. I’m suing. Tripped over this wallet and broke my leg.
    Given it to the FBI, in the FBI tunnel, as the notes are forgeries.
    Carbonfish, Public Enemy No. 1.
    Elliot’s cloned grandson is on your case, with his pack of aardvark-octopi sold to him by Del.

  39. Ha! You’ll never take me alive coppers!!

    Now, I’ll just duck down this nicely carpeted tunnel… slink around to the left a bit here… and hide behind these beehives. It’s a good thing it’s dark in here. In full sunlight these bees would be dangerous. Their droning buzz is very calming though… perhaps just a bit of a nap…

  40. Excuse me. There’s is an elephant in the Bakersfield-Scottsdale tunnel lobby wanting to know where the “frigging everclear is,” and also if Del is available to do “that dance” again. He wouldn’t be more specific. He flashed a rather impressive stack of what appeared to be foreign currency, or possibly car wash gift certificates.

  41. Can we connect the Bakersfield-Scottsdale tunnel to the Bakerloo Line London Underground tunnel, enabling those with London Freedom Passes to watch Drag Racing without having to face the traffic associated with British Meetings? Of course seeing a fuel rail being driven by an aardvark-octopus, would be an added attraction. And Del doing that dance.

  42. Rip, there’s a drunken mastodon lodged in the tundra of the Trans-Siberian tunnel. I suspect that is where at least one everclear hot tub is located. Most of the the tunnel tubs here in the Pacific Northwest are filled with craft beers or Nancy’s Yogurt.

  44. I don’t know Doc, why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow? (What ever that is?)

    Alex, I’ll take all you’r money and credit cards for showing you the way out, you’re a bad influence down here..

  46. Hot Chocolate + Everclear coming up. If that doesn’t cure what ails you I don’t know what will.

    A few more drinks of this stuff and I’ll be ready to do the dance again.

  49. Will if we divert the tunnel towards Daytona through Georgia corridor, I think we can get an everclear pipeline. I hear Waltrip will make “special speedy deliveries”. Ever since the locals had an elephant BBW, the pachyderms been a little skittish hanging in the Southern tunnels.
    And Dels special dance explains the hoopla in the Las Vegas tunnel during All-Star weekend.

    Hot chocolate and Everclear- thought the was the recipe for a BrownNote.

    Alex, I will take St. Charles Place and Park Place, for 2 get of jail free cards and the little shoe token

  50. So Schiller and I have been doing Jager bombs and Mind-erasers all day. That Schiller can sure drink.

    It was weird though I showed Schiller that Apple Logo Tattoo that I have and he FREAKED because my clothes normally cover it. He went and cut holes in all my clothing so that the Apple logo always show.

    Alex, I’ll take me into the Hot Tub for $1.00

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