Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.

You know, I’d feel bad about us not getting a post together tonight, but I know for a fact that you just come here for the comments anyway, so it’s no big deal.

Anyway, you’ve got the whole weekend ahead of you and a wad of cash in your sweaty little fist (which is all covered in Cheeto dust), so maybe you could dump a little of it on one of our fine advertisers.

There’s Rogue Amoeba. They make good stuff. Although Kafasis tried to kill me that one time.

Well, there’s also Delicious Monster. The things they can do with an iSight camera. Tell you what. Although Shipley did call me a… well, let’s just say he said I like to do something to dogs that I don’t. Totally. I mean… really. I don’t even know how that would work.

Anyway, that brings us to our new advertisers: Shiny White Box and Many Tricks. They also make boss software and so far neither of their CEOs has tried to kill me or accused me of being into bestiality.

Of course, we’ve only just met so…

I should probably give them some time.

…

Do you think Gruber has this kind of relationship with his advertisers?

2,949 thoughts on “Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.”

  1. Hey, I haven’t been this squeaky clean since that childhood incident at the laundromat!

    However my fingertips have gotten all wrinkly.

    …

    Uh oh, approaching whirlpool … goodbye, world!

  2. Uhhh, guys… Are there anymore bleach resistant suits? My clothes seem to have been eaten away.

    MARK

  3. What in the name of Roosevelt D. Roosevelt is going on in here. It looks like a toilet explosion at a KKK meeting, and smells like a hotel swimming pool. I step out of the tunnel for a little while to pick the peanuts out of my soles, and you people go absolutely bonkers. And now the whole damn place is overrun with drunk white elephants. Somebody get Psyko a fig leaf or a washcloth or something — and a hat. Geez.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m on my lunch break.

  4. Those sexbots are rubbish when it comes to aqualungs. They fitted me up with oxygen/helium mix and my voice has gone all squeaky.
    How am I going to pull, it sounds like I’m undergoing puberty?

  7. Whoa, Psyko just floated past. It looks like he’s gonna need a lot more iPod Socks to cover his assets. Or maybe a nice pantsuit.

  8. OK, everything’s clean now, but soaked.

    How do we turn on the air-dry cycle (warm air, please)?

  9. You’ve done it this time Del. Unless you have another iPlug or some way of draining the tunnels completely, the Sun and Moon will subject us to a subterranean tidal system.
    Publish and distribute relevant tide tables immediately.
    Another problem, the fauna and flora swept into the tunnels, have become transparent owing to the bleach. I have just fought off an attack by a Great Transparent Shark, a relative of Jaws. Not an easy thing to do. Well to be honest, it was my pet killer butterfly that drove it off.

  11. I don’t have any more iPlugs. Maybe someone should ask the leprechauns to fix it. I’ve heard they are good with tools. Or is it that they are good with O’Toole?

  12. Del,

    While you’re rounding up some leprechauns, please talk to your doppelgänger. She’s doing “that dance” and inciting the elephants over by the everclear vats.

    Actually, rounding down is just as good as rounding up at 0.5.

    As you were.

  13. Hey, isn’t the TP running the latest build of Leopard? If so then we should have Time Machine backups going, right? Could we please go “back in time” a bit and give this another go? That is if somebody turned on Time Machine.

    Please somebody tell me they started Time Machine…

    MARK

  14. Meanwhile, back at March 9th, 2007 at 2:36 am

    Clifford Brown is blue, which is understandable since he died back in 1956.

    Which reminds me of the time Frank Sinatra, having read Alex Haley’s genealogical tome, did some family research and discovered that some of his ancestors were brought over from Africa in the slave trade. That’s what inspired his comeback album, “Ol’ Blue Eyes is Black.”

    Hey, these tunnels are awe-inspiring. I just rode a Harley all the way from Portland to Denver without once having to go outside. Harley wasn’t too happy about it, but hey, he lost a bet and had to pay up.

    Alex, I’ll take Other People from Canada Named Alex Trebek for a baker’s dozen donuts and a piggyback ride back to Portland.

  15. I will fracture this time warp by refusing to comment on Portland Road, South Norwood.
    Damn it, just have.

  16. It’s deja vu all over again for an additional time like the one before but different in that it’s deja vu all over again for an additional time like the one before but different in that it’s deja vu all over again for an additional time like the one before but different in that it’s deja vu all over again for an additional time like the one before but different in that it’s |ZAP|

  17. Oh great. Somebody installed a random number generator in the time machine. Now Big Country is playing on iTunes, my closet is full of polyester shirts with big collars and

    *&^%**

    No Carrier

  18. Having just watched the Australian Grand Prix, wonder whether we should invite Bernie ‘Grab the money and run’ Ecclestone to run the Tera-Post Tunnels Grand Prix?
    It could mean changes as those wimp F1 drivers might object to elephants sharing the track.
    Maybe NASCAR?

  19. But where would the spectators sit. And who gets the beer concession? And the broadcast rights?

    What committee was this again?

  20. I have an idea. If we’re going to invite NASCAR, let’s make them race counterclockwise. Just for variety, I want to see rednecks turning right. Also, no yellow flags for elephant shit.

    I’ll concede. Beer.

  21. Nice tempter, Rip.

    The Good Ol’ Boys turn left normally but never politically.
    During time-continuum-slippages, counterclockwise might appear as clockwise to some folk and alternative universes.

    We could try midgets at CERN.

  24. I don’t know if you keep up with the news, but there is a lot tainted cat food out there. The forces of Evil may be trying to get rid of the kittens. There was one flaw in their plan, the Kittens would never eat anything with Corn in it.

  26. Hi guys, back from the secret mission, sorry I can’t tell you about it. (I’d have to kill all of you, and that would be difficult since I don’t know what any of you look like, and I don’t know Del well enough to ask for the kittens) Glad to hear the kittens are untainted though. Ace, I talked to the Warner Brothers (Bill and Mergatroid) as I was entering the tunnels, said they had some papers for you about some copyright infingement.,

  27. So, after my failed attempt at iPrairiedogs, I’ve decided on a new venture.

    The iLlamaâ„¢.

    Yes, that’s right the iLlamaâ„¢.

    All the Llama-y goodness you’ve come to expect from the average llama, but now with an Aqua interface!
    The iLlamaâ„¢ will be fully compatible with the entire i-Life suite, and all Mac products with Firewire interfaces.

  36. Thank you Doc. I surely couldn’t leave Subaru’s fabled rally number to somebody else.

    MARK

  37. Wow, the tunnel all fresh and cleaned. A few things look to have shrunken. And all the white elephants in the room. Will anyone speak of them?
    Will the iLlamas be shrink resistant and will we need to use color-safe bleach?
    And I am glad the kittens have discerning tastes, a tunnel full of dying assassin kittens is a recipe for chaos.

    I will go turn on a couple of blowers, still a little damp around here.

  39. J0n,

    The kittens need to eat something. Bear is quite tasty, even if Psyko’s sugar coating has worn off.

  40. What exactly will be the funtion of the iLlamas? Companionship, security, transport, protien, clothing. The compatability with iLife could be useful, but will they need to be upgraded when OS X 10.5 comes out, or even OS X 10.4.√-1. |

  42. The iLlamaâ„¢ will be an all-purpose… thing.
    OS X 10.5, as well as iFlame compatibility are already there. Water proof to 500m, also.
    The iLlamaâ„¢ is not harmed by bleach, and are indeed, shrink-resistant.
    I haven’t found a psychiatrist yet that will touch them.

    They will co-exist with both ponies and roller ponies, but there are not any current plans for a roller iLlamaâ„¢.
    The iLlamaâ„¢ also looks damn good in Pantsâ„¢.
    There is only one small, teeny, tiny problem….

    We’re still having trouble with the kittens.

  43. These tunnels have made me insane. Elephants, iLlamas, sugar-coated bears. I need a break. I’m going out to the lanai to listen to Gloria Gaynor’s Greatest Hits and swill Piña Coladas until I piss pure coconut milk.

    Waiter. Shrek please.

  45. Let’s try again.
    The iLlama, is it an animal that’s been i’d or is its head honcho a Dalai with a typo, only one ‘l’?
    Oh no. You’ve invented an iDalai iLama haven’t you?

    post script:-Subaru’s Rally number is not 555, it is a brand of State Express cigarettes, their title sponsors. As the tunnels are a non-smoking zone, ‘Young Johhnie Moltz’ must remove the entry, unless the bleach did.

  46. 555 is not Subaru’s actual team rally number, but the Impreza 555 was Subaru’s debut Impreza rally car. Thus 555 in ingrained in Subaru’s rally history. While it is true that Subaru picked the name “Impreza 555” so they could put State Express 555’s advertising on the side of the car*, that is not where the number’s significance lies. The number is synonymous with Subaru’s rally car successes.

    In fact, 555’s rally importance to Subaru was great enough for them to even name their limited edition rally inspired Impreza of 1998 after it; the 22B STi. If you write 555 out in binary you get “1000101011” which is 22B (0010 0010 1011) in hex.

    555 is Subaru’s “rally number.”

    MARK

    *Cigarette advertising was not allowed in most of Europe at the time. This way they would just be displaying the car’s name and not an advertisement for cigarettes. It didn’t work.

    MARK

  48. I’ll let you know later. I just had my 55th birthday and so made an emergency appointment with my numerologist. They were able to squeeze me in at 5:55 today.

  49. Sorry Nxxx. It’s another i-animal.
    With two ‘L’s.

    And yes, there are TWO current flaws. The kitten compatibility.

    And the spitting.

    Nasty things.

    Um. Watch your step over there.

  50. No problem Huh?,
    I can gob better than them and they don’t like it.
    They’re not likely to ambush and drown anyone, are they?

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