You know, I’d feel bad about us not getting a post together tonight, but I know for a fact that you just come here for the comments anyway, so it’s no big deal.
Anyway, you’ve got the whole weekend ahead of you and a wad of cash in your sweaty little fist (which is all covered in Cheeto dust), so maybe you could dump a little of it on one of our fine advertisers.
There’s Rogue Amoeba. They make good stuff. Although Kafasis tried to kill me that one time.
Well, there’s also Delicious Monster. The things they can do with an iSight camera. Tell you what. Although Shipley did call me a… well, let’s just say he said I like to do something to dogs that I don’t. Totally. I mean… really. I don’t even know how that would work.
Anyway, that brings us to our new advertisers: Shiny White Box and Many Tricks. They also make boss software and so far neither of their CEOs has tried to kill me or accused me of being into bestiality.
Of course, we’ve only just met so…
I should probably give them some time.
…
Do you think Gruber has this kind of relationship with his advertisers?
Forgot.
Hippy Bathday, Ace.
You’re looking good for twenty-one.
And you are looking great for 576 Nxxx!
MARK
vitamin fortified, thanks for turning the blowers back on for a while. It feels much less humid in here now.
Del, I’m willing to give Roast Bear a try. Is there any left?
I’m really glad the iLlamas seem to be working out. We need some critters down here besides the kittens, I mean… you know I like felines and all but somebody really needs to clean out the litter box occasionally. Maybe Huh? could train the iLlamas to take care of that when the kittens are not around, though that is hard to tell(all that ninja training and all). Oh, by the way, who gave the iLlamas the chewing tobacco, that really was unnessasary. We may need to flush out the tunnels again.
WOW! I leave the tunnels for a short while to go pay some bills, and look what you all have done to the place. I like it, I LIKE IT!!!
Nice clean floors and bright walls. Ooohh, and look! pretty little elephants all aglow. My, shouldn’t we say something about them?… Or was that *to* them? Anyway, it’s much better than that Disco/70’s look that we had going on. You know, Disco is dead. Honestly. Officially, even. I read it on the Internet, so it must be true.
Doc, how’d it end up with that herd of tortoises? I hear they can be quite vicious. I hope everything turned out ok.
So, Del, I gotta ask… Is the tattoo on the upper half or the lower half of your body?
WOW! I leave the tunnels for a short while to go pay some bills, and look what you all have done to the place. I like it, I LIKE IT!!!
Nice clean floors and bright walls. Ooohh, and look! pretty little elephants all aglow. My, shouldn’t we say something about them?… Or was that *to* them? Anyway, it’s much better than that Disco/70’s look that we had going on. You know, Disco is dead. Honestly. Officially, even. I read it on the Internet, so it must be true.
Doc, how’d it end up with that herd of tortoises? I hear they can be quite vicious. I hope everything turned out ok.
So, Del, I gotta ask… Is the tattoo on the upper half or the lower half of your body?
WOW! I leave the tunnels for a short while to go pay some bills, and look what you all have done to the place. I like it, I LIKE IT!!!
Nice clean floors and bright walls. Ooohh, and look! pretty little elephants all aglow. My, shouldn’t we say something about them?… Or was that *to* them? Anyway, it’s much better than that Disco/70’s look that we had going on. You know, Disco is dead. Honestly. Officially, even. I read it on the Internet, so it must be true.
Doc, how’d it end up with that herd of tortoises? I hear they can be quite vicious. I hope everything turned out ok.
So, Del, I gotta ask… Is the tattoo on the upper half or the lower half of your body?
WOW! I leave the tunnels for a short while to go pay some bills, and look what you all have done to the place. I like it, I LIKE IT!!!
Nice clean floors and bright walls. Ooohh, and look! pretty little elephants all aglow. My, shouldn’t we say something about them?… Or was that *to* them? Anyway, it’s much better than that Disco/70’s look that we had going on. You know, Disco is dead. Honestly. Officially, even. I read it on the Internet, so it must be true.
Doc, how’d it end up with that herd of tortoises? I hear they can be quite vicious. I hope everything turned out ok.
So, Del, I gotta ask… Is the tattoo on the upper half or the lower half of your body?
WOW! I leave the tunnels for a short while to go pay some bills, and look what you all have done to the place. I like it, I LIKE IT!!!
Nice clean floors and bright walls. Ooohh, and look! pretty little elephants all aglow. My, shouldn’t we say something about them?… Or was that *to* them? Anyway, it’s much better than that Disco/70’s look that we had going on. You know, Disco is dead. Honestly. Officially, even. I read it on the Internet, so it must be true.
Doc, how’d it end up with that herd of tortoises? I hear they can be quite vicious. I hope everything turned out ok.
So, Del, I gotta ask… Is the tattoo on the upper half or the lower half of your body?
Nice one Psyko, coffee in keyboard time, again.
Had a quick natter with Dave Richards, we go back a long way, and he doesn’t remember it that way.
Anybody up for a game of badminton?
Me? Nice one what?
MARK
Badminton, you mean the game at Badders? No but if the walls are firm enough, anyone for squash, fives either Rugby or Eton?
Pysko,
Was referring to your 576 post.
Well done young ‘un.
With the iLlamas and the kittens at a standoff. I think we don’t have room for both squash and badminton unless we combine the two. We have to play by Belgium rules of course (or is it Biscayne rules). Whatever, if the ball lands in iLlama spit or litter box, point to the opposing team.
I think the sexbot dressed as the french maid can clean the litter boxes. I’ve taught the iLlamas how to spit into an old plastic pepsi bottle (BTW dont’ drink anything out of an already opened bottle). So things are staying nice and clean.
Plus the elephants love the new toilets I had installed. They work great for large animals. (And Psyko those are NOT 8 new swirly hot tubs. Get out now before an elephant tries to use them.)
I am imagining the kittens riding the iLlamas into battle at high speed caterwauling at the top of their lungs.
Ok. The lastest update to the iLlama brings kitten support.
This update does require a restart, and should not be interrupted while in progress.
One on one kitten/iLlama interactions should still be avoided, but two or more should be ok.
If we have enough players here, I think we should play a friendly game of 43-Man Squamish. For those of you who haven’t played in a while, here’s a quick description to remind you:
Participants
Each team consists of one left and one right Inside Grouch, one left and one right Outside Grouch, four Deep Brooders, four Shallow Brooders, five Wicket Men, three Offensive Niblings, four Quarter-Frummerts, two Half-Frummerts, one Full-Frummert, two Overblats, two Underblats, nine Back-Up Finks, two Leapers and a Dummy – for a total of 43.
The game officials are a Probate Judge (dressed as a British judge, with wig), a Field Representative (in Scottish tartan), a Head Cockswain (in long overcoat), and a Baggage Smasher (dressed as a male beachgoer in pre-World War I years). None has any authority after play has begun.
Playing field
Squamish is played on a five-sided field, or Flutney, and the game is normally played within seven 15-minute Ogres, or eight if it’s raining.
Equipment
* An Official Pritz (or ball) is 3-3/4 inches in diameter. It is constructed from untreated Ibex hide, and is stuffed with Blue Jay feathers.
* Each player is equipped with a Frullip; a long, hooked stick very similar in appearance to a shepherd’s crook. It is used to prevent opposing players from scoring with the Pritz.
* Gloves, a helmet, and flippers are also required in an official Squamish game. Any extra padding is suggested, but optional.
Gameplay
Before any game, the Probate Judge must first flip a coin, usually a new Spanish peseta, while the Visiting Captain guesses the toss. If he guesses correctly, the game is cancelled immediately. If not, the Home Team Captain must then decide if he wishes to play offense or defense first. Play begins after a frullip is touched to the flutney and the recitation “My uncle is sick but the highway is green!” is intoned in Spanish. Penalties are applied for infractions such as walling the Pritz, icing on fifth snivel, running with the mob, rushing the season, inability to face facts, and sending the Dummy home early.
The offensive team has five Snivels (equivalent to downs in football) to advance to the enemy goal. Carrying the Pritz across the goal line is a Woomik and scores 17 points; hitting it across with the frullip counts as a Durmish and only scores 11 points. Except in the 7th Ogre (and the 8th, if it rains), only the offensive Niblings and Overblats are allowed to score. In this case, the four Quarter-Frummerts are allowed to kick or throw the Pritz, and the nine Finks are allowed to heckle the opposition by doing imitations of Barry Goldwater.
The teams are to play a sudden-death overtime to break a tie, unless both Left Overblats are out of the game on personal fouls. If this is the case, the tie is settled by the teams lining up on opposite sides of the flutney and shouting dirty limericks at each other until one side breaks up laughing.
When an insufficient number of players precludes a regulation 43-man squamish match, a simplified version may be played: 2-man squamish. The rules are the same, except in 2-man squamish, the object is to lose.
Thanks for the offer (to play Squamish), Ace, but I’m more inclined to join Rip on the lanai consuming alcoholic beverages (he said he prefers Piña Coladas, but I believe I’ll stick to Amaretto Sours) and conversing with the women as they come by.
Ace, in no particular order, do mascots, alcohol, and cheerleaders fit in Squamish.
I will be on the lanai as well with Daiquiri-flavored margaritas as well.
Well thank you Nxxx.
Ace, that was a tad bit on the long side. Length is fine when it is absolutely useless, but you had good info in there.
MARK
Of course there are cheerleaders and groupies (drinking alcohol with the mascots), and giant foamrubber hands.
Sorry for the length, Psyko, but at least it wasn’t the cricket match play-by-play we usually get.
Following Bob Woolmer, cricket reports WILL get shorter.
Thank you for that.
MARK
PEELEDAPPLEUPDATEPEELEDAPPLEUPDATEPEELEDAPPLEUPDATE.STOP
Ace, I’d love to play Squamish but, well, the old attention span aint what it used to be. I only made it to the second paragraph I’m afraid (What? Who’s afraid? Me? Never!) so I’ll be playing the abridged rules.
Islamabad Express – Situations Vacant.
Cricket Coach – Pakistan, among the top ten cricketing nations in the World, an exciting opportunity is available for an enthusiastic self starter with experience in the cricket coaching World. A coach is required for the national cricket team and while failure will be tolerated, it will not be tolerated gladly. No Sir. Failure will be severely punished and possible loss of life may be expected. Oh deary me.
Bodyguards will be provided but no guarantee can be given that they will not be the fanatics ordered to kill you if Pakistan loses.
Benefits include having a self effigy burnt to the god Shiva each week and incense burning and prayers for your life by only the best shaman betting money can buy.
Bad jokes, I can take, see my Woolmer entry, but sheer ignorance, especially Antipodian nescience is egregious.
Pakistan is an Islamic country, Shiva is a Hindu God.
Don’t let GWB see this.
Now approaching mile marker 600…
Amaretto Sour is probably one of my favorite drinks!
I prefer an Amaretto Stone Sour (Amaretto Sour w/ orange juice), but it is all good.
Woo-hoo! Six hundredth!
(We’re inching our way toward greatness!)
And I’m not really lurking, just waiting to pounce on the cool-numbered postings.
Del, you’re welcome to join us on the lanai. I’ll ask the server to fetch an Amaretto Stone Sour for you.
It’s great to hear what sporting (or is it spurting) group we have down here in the tunnels. Squamish does sound interesting, but a bit too complex for my taste,… but with enough alcohol and a good view of the chearleaders I could go for a match. (I’d be the one throwing rocks at the mascot, they look so funny spinning around trying to find where the rocks are coming from)
Correct me Ace, but isn’t it the job of the Half-Frummerts and the Finks to throw rocks at the mascot?
I’ll have a Margarita, please. (2 shots Añejo Tequila, 1 shot ea of Grand Marnier, lime juice, lemon juice)
On the rocks, no salt.
I believe only the spectators get to throw rocks or expectorate.
Waiter, I’ll have a Short Island Ice Tea, hold the tea and ice until it melts in your hand. There’s a good boy.
605. What a lame number.
MARK
As a spectator here, I’ve learned to have great expectorations for the visiting teams.
Water please. Very dry. No ice.
605 isn’t THAT bad…
I’m waiting for the one after 909…
Okay Huh?, you win.
What is the number after 909?
Just recalled that Peugeot registered all numbers with zero in the middle for cars.
Porsche have all the other nine hundreds. Hmmm.
Your working on the iCar. What are you going for Indy, Le Mans or F1?
609.
TOTALLY pwned.
Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine.
Well Nxxx, to get to the one after 909, you’ll need to take the long and winding road and dig a pony and let it be.
I got a feeling you’ll get back across the universe and dig it.
He’ll probably need help. I’ll be in the octopus’s garden if anyone calls.
Will it help if I become a paperback writer even if you wont see me?
Help!
It must have been a hard day’s night for you, what with this being for the benefit of Mr. Kite.
You know, just the other day I was talking with Elenor Rigby, and she was saying how good it would be to be back in the USSR. I said ‘do you want to know a secret?’
Even the taxman knows tomorrow never knows. But, your mother should know.
Let it be!
I know she’s leaving home, think I’ll go with her, bit of a honky-tonk woman. Maybe take Jumping Jack Flash as he’s a street fighting man, good to have around when that little red rooster’s strutting. Hey, what’s going on, you know I don’t like brown sugar.
Well, at least we know you won’t be gathering any moss.
Well I certainly hope Nxxx will be gathering no moss, the local unit of The United Moss Gathers and Distributors Union (UMGADU) is a pretty nasty bunch when it comes to scabs.

MARK
Maybe it is just my imagination. But since I am single couldn’t turn to my girl for confirmation nor ask my papa, since he is a rolling stone. But it is getting a little dusty in the tunnels. I wish it would rain to wash away some of the pollen. The white elephants are having a time with their allergies, and you thought post-nasal drip is bad, try post-truncal. Not to mention how the dust is just ruining the iLlamas nice glossy coats.
I’ll be sitting at by the dock of the bay. Any day now I should be getting my check from Alex.