You know, I’d feel bad about us not getting a post together tonight, but I know for a fact that you just come here for the comments anyway, so it’s no big deal.
Anyway, you’ve got the whole weekend ahead of you and a wad of cash in your sweaty little fist (which is all covered in Cheeto dust), so maybe you could dump a little of it on one of our fine advertisers.
There’s Rogue Amoeba. They make good stuff. Although Kafasis tried to kill me that one time.
Well, there’s also Delicious Monster. The things they can do with an iSight camera. Tell you what. Although Shipley did call me a… well, let’s just say he said I like to do something to dogs that I don’t. Totally. I mean… really. I don’t even know how that would work.
Anyway, that brings us to our new advertisers: Shiny White Box and Many Tricks. They also make boss software and so far neither of their CEOs has tried to kill me or accused me of being into bestiality.
Of course, we’ve only just met so…
I should probably give them some time.
…
Do you think Gruber has this kind of relationship with his advertisers?
Ace, how’s this, Gus, haunted by the murder of Johnny, starts to slip away from sanity. He starts to develop a hatred for Delilah, thinking that she will just pine away for Johnny forever. He tries to kill Delilah, but in so much as she is not alive in the first place, finds this impossible. Here we have the beginings of a serial (or is it cereal) killer. He starts killing female birds of any type he comes accross. Fearing he will be caught if he stays in the same place, he starts to travel across country, killing along the way. Until, he reaches Kentucky, where a retired military officer recognizes the talent and intensity of Gus and gives him gainful employment suppling a nation wide fast food franchise.
Well, I know most of it is crap, but there may be a few useful pieces.
Like the drumsticks?
Kingtd,
Not believable, the portions would be too big.
After Kentucky, Gus flies away fearing that the retired officer now looking at Gus as more than a supplier but another addition to the menu. So we find Gus in upstate New York. Having flashbacks from Lexington, he cannot go through with full dismemberment. Cutting off only wings.
Hey if he’s in New York and he cuts off his wings he should be able to go to Jersey and go through that Catholic Church’s Arch and be forgiven. I saw it in Dogma so it must be true.
Gus, plagued by all the murders in Kentucky, begins to fester resentments towards the retired military officer, goes back to off him. Feeling rejuvinated, he believes he has found a new purpose. He starts stalking the other franchise icons, Jack, Ronald, the King (not me,or Elvis, but that wierd guy in the plaxtic mask on TV), laying his plans to end everyone’s pain.
Oohh I think he should have a Canary try to stop Gus. They could have an epic battle like the old Monster Movies. They could destroy Japan.
I might have to stop hanging around here. All this talk of bird ventriloquists and plastic drumsticks is undermining my faith in the purity of my lowfat yogurt.
Would somebody please find out what that tapping noise is? I’d like to sample it for my next album.
After eating some lowfat yogurt, I propose the sequel to Gus’s adventures be entitled “For Whom the Parakeet Taps”
If, as vitamin fortified suggests, parakeets can tap dance, why not make it a musical?
Do you think we’ll need stunt parakeets?
Wow, you guys have taken this to a whole new level! I was just writing a modest little story, and now it’s a tapdancing action thriller with exploding parakeet toys.
Exploding parakeet toys and lowfat yogurt.
And all the fault of Colonel Sanders.
btw Where is the Tunnel Branch as I’m a hungry vegetarian?
wtf is going on here ???
Nxxx, when you find a place to eat, save a spot. Being a vegetarian as well, getting kind a hard to find a good meal with all these bird carcasses lying around. Lowfat yogurt only goes so far.
And Exploding Parakeets also is a good name for a rock band.
Don’t mind the pigeons, they are auditioning for the roles of extras and crowd scenes
“Lowfat yogurt only goes so far”
I think I hear a song.
Wait. No. Sorry. I had chili for lunch. I knew I heard something.
I’ve been eating the bird seed.
Ace,
Maybe you should write a story about carrots and apples. Then us veggies would have plenty of Yummies to eat. It could be part of the story… the well meaning veggie crowd eats all the evidence before the plant police can arrive.
Del,
I am shocked by your ignorance.
The Plant Police bring the evidence with them.
Del,
I am shocked by your ignorance.
The Plant Police bring the evidence with them.
Sorry, stutter.
Must really find out how to slow the double click down. Go into System Preferences, Select Mouse and Keyboard, Strike forcibly with large sledge…………….
Is that better?
Nxxx, it looks fine from here.
BTW, the veggie angle has me salivating. Although I am not a vegetarian, a nice big plate of asparagus sounds good right about now.
Ahh, the smell of coffee in the morning…
Wait, that’s not coffee, it’s hydrogen cyanide and nitrogen dioxide. I’ve awakened in the mining district again. Must be that pesky sleepwalking. I wish for once I’d wake up in the girl’s dorm, but noooo…
I was hungry and I ate all the evidence the plant police brought. Since they are plants I ate them too. Now i’m on the lamb, no one would look for a veggie there.
Sorry guys, I can’t go with anthropormorphisms involving vegetables, unless they are mutant space vegatables like Day of the Triffids or Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or something. Maybe some mutant veggies from Chernobyl.
I’m glad Del is the one on the lamb, the mental images if it were anyone else would be disturbing.
Sorry guys, I can’t go with anthropormorphisms involving vegetables, unless they are mutant space vegatables like Day of the Triffids or Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or something. Maybe some mutant veggies from Chernobyl.
I’m glad Del is the one on the lamb, the mental images if it were anyone else would be disturbing. ,
Sorry for the double post, it wasn’t worth repeating, that’s Netscape 4.7 for ya.y
I beg to differ. That post was well worth repeating. So here it comes again:
Sorry guys, I can’t go with anthropormorphisms involving vegetables, unless they are mutant space vegatables like Day of the Triffids or Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or something. Maybe some mutant veggies from Chernobyl.
I’m glad Del is the one on the lamb, the mental images if it were anyone else would be disturbing.
I would quad that, but typing makes my fingers hurt.
Heck, copy and paste
Sorry guys, I can’t go with anthropormorphisms involving vegetables, unless they are mutant space vegatables like Day of the Triffids or Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or something. Maybe some mutant veggies from Chernobyl.
I’m glad Del is the one on the lamb, the mental images if it were anyone else would be disturbing.
Back from England. Hope you didn’t miss me.
MARK
In for a penny in for a pound.
Sorry guys, I can’t go with anthropormorphisms involving vegetables, unless they are mutant space vegatables like Day of the Triffids or Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or something. Maybe some mutant veggies from Chernobyl.
I’m glad Del is the one on the lamb, the mental images if it were anyone else would be disturbing.
Psyko,
Why didn’t you tell us you were coming over here?
We could have arranged a party or an arrest warrant.
Look on the bright side, you’ve escaped Our Tone, we’ve still got to put up with him for another month or so.
Okay, Del. The WSPA says it’s time to get off the lamb now. They’re threatening to inspect your farm.
Psyko, did you remember to drive on the wrong side of the road in England?
Ace,
Don’t be so silly. We are REAL men, we drive on both sides of the road.
Actually, Nxxx is right. They do drive on both sides where I went since the road is so narrow.
MARK
OK everybody, what’s the deal with all of those lambs I found down in the lower tunnels? Del, are you working on something, or is someone planning on having a party?
I don’t no mutton about it.
Can iLamb be next?
I would write something in iLambic pentameter, but I really don’t like poetry.
iLambic pentameter is an oxymoron.
Lambs have four feet whereas pentameters have five.
That’s why they are not recruited by the military, “Left. Right. Middle.” would make it difficult for bipeds.
Second thoughts.
Del,
You haven’t been experimenting again, have you?
I don’t know what you are talking about. Now I’ve killed the fatted lamb for easter and roasted the leg’s up for eating. I figure Ace, kingthedestroyer, Psyko, Huh? and Rip should each have their own.
I think the rest of us are veggies.
Speaking only for myself, I’m not a veggie. I’m just perpetually lost is all.
Although I think I found out where I am. The land is relatively flat and there’s corn everywhere. Plus I saw a redneck driving by the other day, so I must be in Iowa.
I *KNEW* I should have turned right at Albequerque.
Fortunately, I’m smart enough to stay out of the tunnels. Too disorienting, plus all the violent noises down there makes me nervous.
Del, if you’re still on the lamb can we call you mint jelly? Sorry, all this corn is starting to get to me.
Well, if nobody will claim the lambs, I’ll dig a pit, get some sheep dip, (it’s really good with wheat crackers) run’m through, shear’m, (usually at this point one is “accidentally killed by the shears, but not to worry it will not go to waste), sell the wool and buy some coasters for the card table I’m setting up near the Las Vegas tunnel exit.
I guess I’ve been away from television too long. I thought sheep dip had something to so with Olympic-style melon vaulting.
Also, we don’t crack wheat at this time of the year. The International Brotherhood of Wheat Crackers protects our pensions so we can advance our craft. Most of us are in advanced training and seminars from now until mid-July.
Insist on local wheat, cracked by union labor.
Peace.
Wheat Crackers–now with extra wheat gluten!
If removing wheat gluten and casein from one’s diet can reduce the symptoms of autism, does consuming them copiously make one a savant?
I need to know because I just spilled a box of matchsticks and I’m not looking forward to counting them one by one.
Ace,
What are you doing with a box of matchsticks? Spent matches are known as matchsticks, live ones as lucifers.
Got it, you are constructing a matchstick model of the tunnels including all the Michelin Three Star restaurants.
Got enough to model Del as well, or do you need us to send you more?
Ace, you sound a bit OCD. Is it really necessary to count the matchsticks? I mean, I can understand wanting to put them back in the proper order, cause you know they won’t fit correctly if you don’t.