You know, I’d feel bad about us not getting a post together tonight, but I know for a fact that you just come here for the comments anyway, so it’s no big deal.
Anyway, you’ve got the whole weekend ahead of you and a wad of cash in your sweaty little fist (which is all covered in Cheeto dust), so maybe you could dump a little of it on one of our fine advertisers.
There’s Rogue Amoeba. They make good stuff. Although Kafasis tried to kill me that one time.
Well, there’s also Delicious Monster. The things they can do with an iSight camera. Tell you what. Although Shipley did call me a… well, let’s just say he said I like to do something to dogs that I don’t. Totally. I mean… really. I don’t even know how that would work.
Anyway, that brings us to our new advertisers: Shiny White Box and Many Tricks. They also make boss software and so far neither of their CEOs has tried to kill me or accused me of being into bestiality.
Of course, we’ve only just met so…
I should probably give them some time.
…
Do you think Gruber has this kind of relationship with his advertisers?
I am bringing the soup. It’s our famous clean-out-the-refrigerator soup. Today it features sauerkraut, ravioli, sausage, dumplings, pumpkin, craisins, onion, garlic, chipotle peppers, in a mayo-sour cream-white wine sauce.
Oh, I almost forgot the chopped chicken Kiev.
Ace,
Dug out one of my ‘fake’ books and it’s got ‘Night in Tunisia’ in it. Can you cope with the Bird and Dizzy solos on your Flugelhoseaphone?
Got nice words for Del. Speed is marked as ‘Medium Afro’. Can you grow one?
Also got ‘I remember Clifford’. I always forget the tune and busk.
Well I’ve got enough hair for a massive afro if we can figure out how to get it to stand on end. Unfortunately my hair is extremely straight and about 4 foot long.
I think I’d prefer Afro Puffs if we are gonna put my hair up like that.
Hello everyone, been kinda brain dead lately, can’t think of anything amusing or interesting. So I figured if I started typing,… something would come to me,… uh,… nothing yet,…no wait,… no nevermind, that won’t work either,… no,… nothin here,… well maybe next week,
later
At least you tried. That’s the spirit!
Uh, I also got nothin’.
Afro Puffs?
Screw that. If somebody is going to mess with my hair, breakfast cereal isn’t getting it. I’m having a steaming, heaping bowl of COTFR soup. And let me have that last slice of pasteurized process American cheese on top. Yeah. The one in back with the corner dried, curled, and cracked. Scrape it off the shelf and let me have it. It’ll soften right up after it sits on top of the soup for a minute or two.
Doc,
I’m kinda wondering. Did someone throw out that box of General Tso’s Chicken from January that was in the back of the fridge? It would have been great in this.
Doc, if you have any extra Chicken Kiev that you didn’t put in the soup, I’ll have some of that.
And, is there any pie in there?
Uh, guys… There’s a Nabeshin at the door, and he wants his hair back.
Sorry to interrupt. As you were…
Great. A Nabeshin. Now he’ll probably want to know about the singing kittens, too.
Can’t a guy get any peace?
Well, not really ‘A’ Nabeshin. That’s what he says his name is…. I dunno…
I used his hair to make little sweaters for the singing kittens. They have sensitive fur and can have clothes made of only the finest Nabeshin hair.
The Chicken Kiev is gone; sorry! (Ringo ate it.)
The other chicken (General Tso’s) is still waiting for General Tso to show up and claim it.
Ahh, the smell of coffee in the morning…
Wait, that’s not coffee, it’s black gold, Texas tea. The pipeline has sprung another leak. Cleanup in tunnel 5!
Got it taken care of Ace, I threw a pallet of iSponges down into the muck in tunnel 5. The nanites incorperated into the iSponges will sop up the oil, congeal and seal the leak. Of course, then we will have to deal with all the seals, anybody have a club.
I thought all the seals were at the Apple Board meeting!
Hey, wait a second … didn’t my posts usually show up immediately after I made them? Where’s my last one, I just made it minutes ago?
Have I replaced Not Del as the unofficial recognized unspammer?
Pardon me while I puke – spam makes me sick. To the stomach, not in the head. I was already that way before spam was created.
Huh. Curious. Either this site has an issue with me mentioning oil, Saturday night dance club seals or the seal blood in my hair. I guess we’ll know soon enough, if they also suck this message into the ether of the unknown.
Maybe it’s the stellar explosion it doesn’t like me talking about.
Either way, there’s two posts I’ve made that have disappeared without a trace. Maybe I should call the police to look for them.
There’s another report of a tunnel collapse in Kentucky near Ft. Knox. Big hunks of heavy metal have fallen through and ruined the carpeting as well as the ceiling. Any cleanup volunteers will probably need hand trucks. And a wet vac. I’d go but I just had my nails done.
I was going to make a religious reference, but refrained.
Hey Ace,
Nails done? Wow. One more for the pad, ‘Have you met Miss Jones?’, can we convert Del to a bass-baritone? Probably played against the ‘Smoke on the Water’ riff. OK?
Okay, I’m ready for a bowl of Afro Puffs now.
Can someone explain the marmosets eating my shoelaces?
I sing bass, but I don’t look as nice as Del.
I prefer to sing tuna over bass.
Singing bass, is that one of those plastic fish mounted on a board that sings some redneck anthem, can’t be singing tuna, the only tuna you see down south are in a can, packed between the dolphin chunks.
KTD threw this out to the masses:
Damn you’re horrible. That’s some funny stuff right there, I tell you what!
Maybe I just broke my brain, I’ve been having one of those kind of days so far. But that really hit my funny bone hard. Anyone knows where I can get that repaired? My funny bone, not my brain (my brain is beyond repair at this point).
Maybe you could just trade in the funny bone for a humorous…
Better around town, and much more efficient.
They say you can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish. If that’s true, how would you know whether it’s a bass? And what happens if you catch a bass on a treble hook? Can that be done with any frequency? Do you have to be a Soprano to sleep with the fishes?
The tenor of this whole thread is fishy.
Sorry, today’s pun limit has been breached: may not proceed.
Ah but it is tomorrow already over here, so happy Lady Day.
I think that Rip used up about a week’s worth of puns on that one!
I had a few puns left, but I think Doc is right, Rip tore through a week’s worth at least, so I’ll save them for next week,…maybe,…yes, next week sounds better.
Damn Rip, that’s some punny stuff right there. My sides split open reading that and now my intestines are laying around my ankles, wanting desparately to trip me up. I can get them back inside me without a problem, but does anyone have a bandage to keep them from falling out again?
Just use some staples. You’ll be fine.
Walking Contradiction:
Too bad you’re not morbidly obese, because you’d be half way through a life-saving surgery.
I am heart-broken. Went to help shore up the Fort Knox tunnel fall. Only thing I had that could be used for digging was my saxophone.
Now it is ruined. Has this great lump of yellow metal stuck in the bell and I can’t get a note out of it.
Strangely the neighbours and the refuse collectors seem pleased.
By the way, the current CARS post reports on Apple having built a secret tunnel for Steve Jobs’ use.
As Nxxx pointed out, this is a clear violation of Tera-Post patents.
While we should be prepared for the lawsuit, perhaps we could strategize on acceptable settlement terms. How many sexbots do we need? (Well, OK, let me rephrase that: How many sexbots do we want?)
I think we can let the tunnel infringement go. After all, there was no mention of kittens, ponies, Fort Knox, or iSponges. If we sue, the tunnels will just fill up with troglodyte lawyers, and then where will we be?
Laywers = free kitten food.
Plus we can tape the feeding for Pay Per View and be RICH!
Hey, I’m up here on the lanai, and there are no more clean glasses. Whose turn is it to wash the dishes? Rip washed them last time, and I think I did it the time before. Come on… ‘fess up and hurry up! It’s hot out here and I’m “powerful thirsty.”
You know, we never had this problem at the Mad Hatter’s; there were always clean dishes available.
OK, I guess.
Do you think we could dig a connector tunnel to Steve’s Secret Tunnelâ„¢? We could invite him to some parties.
Ace, you only thought the dishes were clean.
The dishes had been licked by a certain smiling cat when you weren’t looking.
I too, am ready for a drink. I just rinsed them in everclear last time. The elephants seemed to be done with it. Of course, with all the marmoset activity hereabouts who can really be sure.
Once the dishes are done, let’s eat. Fish sounds wonderful.
I’ve resorted to using cast iron dinnerware.
That way a quick blast with the trusty iFlame, and they’re ready to go.
Didn’t work so well with the paper plates….
The trick to washing paper plates is to soak them in a solution of 5 molar nitric acid and Milk of Magnesia until all the beer is gone, and nobody is willing/able to go to the 7-11 for more.
Raw Benderly is a dork.
Speaking of beer, nobody’s ever told me what kind of root is used to make root beer. I hope no tropical rainforests were uprooted to make this beverage.
Are you sure it is not a misspelling and it is Boot Beer, in which case the derivation is obvious.
As I recall you use Sarsaparilla and licorice root for root beer. You can add a bunch of other bark/roots but those are the staples.
Aren’t staples the thing that hold bits of paper together?
Wouldn’t fancy that in my beer.
Mind you, it could have proved of benefit to some I’ve supped.
Nxxx, the staples just sink to the bottom of the bottle. They make a nice little rattly noise when the bottle is empty. Nice reminder that your bottle is empty in case your too drunk to notice.~
Thanks Del. Now I feel it’s safe to drink again. I was particularly worried that they made it from the square root of negative one, which would have a hallucinatory effect, I’m sure.
And I’ve gotten used to my current hallucination–I’m not sure I would like it to be supplanted.