Another Speed Bump Coming.

Just days after speed-bumping the MacBook, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that Apple will be deploying another speed bump this weekend.

Ironically, while all previous Apple speed bumps have caused things to go faster, this one will actually slow things down.

According to sources in Apple’s facilities organization, Cupertino road crews will spend Saturday and Sunday speed-bumping Infinite Loop at the request of COO Tim Cook to make traffic on the Apple campus safer for pedestrians.

“It’s no secret that we put this off for years because [CEO] Steve [Jobs] likes to drive at speeds approaching that of sound,” Cook said. “But now that we’ve finished the secret tunnel that lets him come and go as he pleases, we can address the safety of others.”

After an uncomfortable pause as the implications of of his statement sank in, Cook added “Well, he, uh, never really hit anyone. Hard.

“I mean, that guy’s already up and walking again. It’s just… it’s not a big deal.”

As is typical of Apple’s design philosophy, these will be no ordinary speed bumps. Sources say the bumps have been specially designed by Jonathan Ive and are made of advanced ceramics that will convert the pressure of the cars that pass over them into electrical energy that will help power the campus.

“They will also be gorgeous to look at,” Cook said. “Which will cause drivers to slow down even further.

“They will also smell like strawberries and champagne.”

Asked to comment about the speed bumps, Rob Enderle of the Enderle Group called them “reckless” and predicted that they would actually cause traffic to speed up on Infinite Loop.