Apple Just Gives Up.

After 28 years of attempting to make it in the technology business, Apple Computer announced today that it has decided to give up. The company will not disband or close it’s doors, but from now on it will simply not try anymore.

“Oh, what’s the use?” whined Apple CEO Steve Jobs. “We’re never going to stop everyone else from copying us in six months. We’re never going to get Wall Street to understand us. We’re never going to stop getting sued by small-minded people who… who… don’t understand the power of our vision.

“So, I’m just gonna… hang out in my office… and… and… do a really crappy job and… lie down… under my desk… from now on… ’cause… ’cause… yeah.”

A normally upbeat Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller sat despondent in his office, doodling idly on a pad.

He sighed heavily.

Then he returned to his doodling.

The entire Apple campus was full of meandering, aimless employees. One group appeared to be getting drunk, while another group was simply scratching themselves.

Meanwhile, iPod line manager Stan Ng was found sitting on a bench outside, staring blankly at nothing, his jaw slightly slack.

Ng refused repeated solicitation to comment on Apple’s new strategy.