07 Apr 04Oversold Switcher Switches Back.

After using the Mac for five months, switcher Dan Murkowski has decided to switch back despite continued entreaties by his Mac-using friends. Complicating the situation are Murkowski’s claims that he was oversold on the powers of the Macintosh.

“There was trouble from the get-go, Murkowski said. “I knew some of what [Mac users] Mark [Dresden] and Dale [Parker] said was probably exaggerated, but I wasn’t even getting some of the more basic benefits out of the Mac that they claimed.”

Asked what Dresden and Parker had promised Murkowski the Mac would provide, the 32-year-old sports news editor said “Well, chicks were probably the biggest thing I was looking forward to. Mark swore that I’d be fighting them off with a stick once I got a Mac. That hasn’t happened.

“And I should have known, because it’s not like Mark’s got girls dripping off of him.”

Murkowski did say that a girl in a coffee shop had asked him how he liked his iBook, but that she then added that her boyfriend really liked his.

“The other things should have tipped me off that they were just saying anything to get me to switch. Smoother, silkier hair? A stronger, more powerful erection? Alchemic powers over base metals? C’mon.

“Still… you know… if they were telling the truth…”

“We may have overdone it,” admitted Dresden. “But we just thought, once we get him to switch he’ll see the Mac is way cooler than the PC.

“I don’t know what went wrong.”

“I think it was telling him getting a Mac would erase the pain of childhood traumas,” suggested Parker. “That was probably over the line.”

“And maybe saying it would grant him complete control over those who had wronged him in the past,” added Dresden.

“Yeah,” Parker agreed, nodding sadly.

Overall Murkowski’s experience with his iBook was positive, but having been oversold on it has left him bitter with the platform.

“I like the interface and it’s been more stable than Windows, but… every time I use it I expect to have some sort of Matrix-like experience of oneness with technology.

“‘Where’s the Matrix-like experience of oneness with technology?’ I keep asking myself.”

Shaking his head, Murkowski concluded, “Nah, I’m done. I’m just gonna go back to my PC. At least with the PC my expectations are low enough to be met.”

“I stand by my Matrix-like experience of oneness with technology claim,” Parker said.

“That one’s totally… partly… true.”

No Responses to “Oversold Switcher Switches Back.”

  1. The Sea Captain says:

    Oh, yeah! first post! Heeeeloooo 1992

  2. and might I add, all your base are belong to us!

  3. Coombs says:

    I vote that this is the funniest site on the Web!

  4. Switcher in Ohio says:

    Actually, I’ve found the stronger, more powerful erection claim to be true.

  5. pdot says:

    Switcher, are you sure you’re not just watching more porn on your Mac? Shoot, that threw me off. Oh yeah, I promised a family that if they get a Mac, they’ll have all the important apps that they want, just like in Windows. Unfortunately, they weren’t very happy when they found out that they couldn’t get free copies from someone.


    switch to me

  7. turtle777 says:

    He really *DOESN’T* deserve a Mac anyways…

  8. Inviso-Winky says:

    The thing about this site is that you get these Onion-like headlines, and you think the story is going to be just sort of a mediocre story to support the headline like the Onion, but it actually turns out to be funny. Usually pretty funny. Sometimes scare-the-other-cubible-occupants-because-of-unexpected-nose-laughing-or-swallowing-sprite-down-the-wrong-tube funny.

    Keep up the good work!

  9. Anonymous says:


  10. EMan says:

    I’ve always like the ability to see through women’s clothes since I’ve bought my iBook.

  11. Jimbo says:

    You can see through women’s clothes since you bought an iBook? Durn. Knew I shouldn’t’ve bought the PowerBook…

  12. ZethoMarx says:

    EMan, I think that, once again, that’s just porn that you’re looking at.

  13. fuddes says:

    The ladies like my powerbook, and the fact that I can make farting sounds with my mouth.


    HA HA HA HA!

  14. Picking Nits says:

    “despite continues entreaties”


  15. John Moltz says:

    Uh… whoops. Fixed it.

  16. Oziguana says:

    yes you did! clever Moltzi. *pats on head*

    wanna bikkit?

  17. Spiro T. Agnew says:

    Stronger, more powerful erections as compared to what? I mean, where was the baseline for this comparison?

  18. Laemkral says:

    They are probably stronger and more fuller compared to an Intel created erection, which as we all know goes for the base line in distinction. Longer, longer, longer. However, actual volume between a Mac generated erection and an Intel one is roughly the same. So while a Pentium 4 user may be in possession of a 2 foot dick, they only have one as thick as a paper clip wire. A Mac penis is in fact much fuller and stronger and not likely to snap if the woman is a bit rough with it. And thusly, the end user experience is FAR more satisfying than with an Intel erection.

  19. Spiro T. Agnew says:

    Yes, but there are still more applications for an Intel erection.

  20. John Moltz says:

    I think that’s “bizkit” as in “Limp Bizkit”.

    Now who needs a correction, hmm?

  21. Spiro T. Agnew says:

    Stronger, more powerful corrections!

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