Jobs Kicks Buddha's Ass.

Swelled by the success of the iPod, the iTunes Music store, Pixar, his regeneration of the Macintosh line, and status as advisor to presidential candidates, Apple CEO Steve Jobs has kicked Buddha’s ass in three rounds of no-hold-barred ultimate fighting.

“Yeah, the Awakened One talked a lot of smack,” a visibly pumped-up Jobs said, “but ultimately he folded like a cheap card table.”

“Whoo! Yeah!” Jobs yelled, jumping up and down and punching the air.

Pointing his finger into the lense of a television camera, Jobs said “You’re next, Christ! Mohammed? I’m coming for you, baby! You’re all going down! Yeah!”

“Uh… that’s… not on…” a nearby cameraman said, but Jobs, unheedful, continued his blasphemous diatribe.

“Well… never mind,” the cameraman said, wandering off in search of a doughnut.

Controversy has already begun to swirl around Jobs’ supposed victory over Rightly Self-Awakened One.

“Naturally, I didn’t fight back,” Buddha said. “I’ve kind of got this whole peace thing going, you know? You might have heard about it… kinda seeking the unexcelled state of sublime peace… Ring any bells? No?

“Anyway, seeing him jump around like that… kind of makes me wish I had sucker-punched him in the back of the neck when I had the chance. What a dick.”

Theologians, meanwhile, expressed concern that Jobs does not apparently understand that his defeat of the Worthy One does not grant him any particular standing in theological world.

“Theology is not like a pirate ship,” said University of Puget Sound religion professor Jonathan Stockdale. “You don’t work your way up by beating up deities.

“Plus, it doesn’t help that he’s dancing around like he just caught a Hail Mary in the last fifteen seconds of the SuperBowl. What a dick.”

For all of Jobs’ bravado, he has continued to ignore repeated challenges from Shiva.

In his dressing room, wearing a robe emblazoned with “The Destroyer” across the back, Shiva issued a simple statement to Jobs, looking up only briefly as he calmly filed his nails.

“Bring it… bitch.”