25 May 04CARS Exclusive: Photos Of New iPods!

Sources within Apple’s new iPod division under Senior Vice President Jon Rubinstein have forwarded these stunning photos of Apple’s upcoming line of new iPods! Based on these photos, we predict 2004 will go down as the year of the iPod!

Apple’s new flash-based iPod!

The rumors you heard of a sub-$100 iPod are true! Apple hits the sweet spot with this flash-based doozy that will make the world’s best stocking stuffer come the holiday shopping season! You’ll be seeing these all over by early 2005 we predict!

[Editor’s Note: Uh, well, it looks like we may have been had on this one. Upon further inspection, this appears to be a Handspring 200 with a scanned image of an iPod stuck on the front. Still, we believe our predictions on the flash-based iPod are sound. They just… won’t be old PDAs with pictures taped to the front of them.]

The Multi-Media iPod!

What you’ve heard is true! Apple will deliver a color multi-media iPod that will integrate with iPhoto and show MPEG-encoded movies! This high-end device will be the ultimate geek toy!

[Editor’s Note: Yeah. OK, this seems to be a Newton 2100 with… again… a scanned image of an iPod stuck on the front. Normally, we’re really good about vetting these pictures. I don’t know what happened. I think we just got really excited and didn’t use our editorial judgement. Also, and this is not meant as an excuse, but I think there might be a gas leak in here.]

The Pro iPod!

Little is known about this tantalizing device, but its target market is pro users who need portable music, multi-media and data integration power. We’ll get more information to you as it becomes available.

[Editor’s Note: Um… that’s… that’s a ham and swiss on wheat sandwich with… a scanned image of an iPod stuck on the front.

I don’t…

I’m not…

I’m feeling… a little woozy…]

No Responses to “CARS Exclusive: Photos Of New iPods!”

  1. puddintane says:

    I hereby bequeath my first post status to The Fancy Chicken


  2. The Fancy Chicken says:

    1st post! W00T!

  3. John Moltz says:

    Does anyone read the stories anymore or is it all about the first post?

  4. The Fancy Chicken says:

    I read it, and it was very nice dear. But how often does a fancy chicken get given 1st post?

  5. Bart says:

    I dont read the stories. I do not read the comments either.

  6. The Mad Poster says:

    Damn, I missed first Post !!!!!

    What story ?????????

  7. Daddy Bartholomew says:

    Actually, under normal circumstances, I believe a fancy chicken acquires the coveted “First Post” status but once during it’s lifetime.

    That the “First Post” the fancy chicken usually acquires often looks more like an ordinary bloodstained stump, with numerous gouges on the upper surface, says more about the typical expectations of the Fancy Chicken than it does about today’s story.

  8. Citizen Of Trantor says:

    Stories? There’s stories???

  9. PoisedNoise says:

    Interesting. I saw a leaked picture the other day of a Pringles tube with a picture of a G5 stuck on it. Didn’t really think anything of it at the time, but maybe it’s the new 3Ghz machine. I mean, think about it, a tube-shaped enclosure would look really cool and also BE really cool – in the wind-tunnel sense.

  10. John, the process is nearly iniversal and described in detail in the 2nd edition of the CARS Readership Annotated Polemic (CRAP) – readers are to check often to see if a new article is put on the website. If so, readers are to next check quickly to see if any comments are posted. If yes, read the story then the comments. If not, go immediately to the comments and post a comment that you have made the first post.

    By the way, we are stil waiting for howard to illustrate with photos the latest version of CRAP.

  11. an architect of sorts says:

    Well, I guess it really does do everything except tap dance and wait on tables. But give Apple a few more years and we are sure to see a waiter with an Apple branded into his forehead clicking and clacking around the office.

    *shakes head as to say what has the world come to*

  12. Garnack says:

    I take it that it uses the cheese on the ham & cheese sandwich as the storage medium for the music and video storage. (John, who says we don’t read the stories?) Does the ham act as firmware?

  13. Gary says:

    I think the third one probably has something to do with the ability to make toast that Steve hinted Apple was working on in a recent conference call.

  14. Aaron says:

    Personally, I’d rather have an iPod with a scanned image of a Handspring 200 on the front.

  15. Wait! The site has stories?

    Wow…that’s like MacCentral. Today they have a story about Steve Jobs hacking a writer from Mac Home Journal to death with a new iPod prototype. His last words were…Steve, one last thing…”

    Either that or they were beta testing Postal 2 for Mac and things got out of hand in the office again..

    Have you noticed people talk a lot about cheese on here?

  16. Bellidancer says:

    John Moltz is a Genius…or crazy… I don’t know which anymore.

    I have in the past lauded John M. for creating a self-generating web site. With the addition of the comments section in this format, John and his staff can take a week off and the site goes on BY ITS SELF!!!!!! We all saw the number of site degenerated into silly, meaningless, and often obnoxious rants, but how was that really any different from usual? (In fact, some people keep posting in the so called “Mega-Post”) I admired John for a business model that could succeed WITHOUT any actual work on John’s part. Brilliant!

    However, I’ve thought more about the whole ideas and I realize the comments are also a way for John to get to to know his consumers. Most firms pay to find out about their customers, we respond to the site for free. (That is another point to John being a genius.)

    The problem is…John is getting to know us… his readers…and that can’t be a good thing, for him. Imagine John’s horror to find out today some readers didn’t even know there are stories on this site.

    Yes this IS CARS…but it is not just the rumors, also the CARS staff and the viewers {said with a sneer in the voice} are as crazy as the rumors! Truly the Asylum survives.


    [I promise to keep future screams to the “Mega-Post”]

    or not

    I may be crazy too….

  17. Peter says:

    I am apalled. CARS used to be a respectable rumors site. Now there are all this misinformation and doctored photos that get leaked before they are properly crossed referenced. I don’t think I’ll be able to take this site seriously if this kind of behavior continues.

  18. MacStansbury says:

    Worthless lie or not…that’s the only explanation for the iPod making toast that I’ve heard.

    Next thing you know, Comcast’ll be buying the site.

  19. Fabrizio says:

    hum, what’s with the fancy chicken stuff? After being exiled for a couple of years I may be missing common references, sorry…

  20. Fabrizio says:

    OK after looking at perversion tracker comments, I am guessing its related to that site, which I don’t care much for :p

    Good thing they don’t rate my software 😛

  21. Tenniru says:

    This had better not use FireWire 800. If it does, everyone who dosen’t have a new 17-inch TiBook, a G5, or a new PowerMac G4 is out of luck. Granted, you’d need either USB 2.0 or FW800 to reconfigure the molecular structure of the cheese drive. Curse my lack of money and my old-style iBook Dual USB!

    Knowing my luck, the NewtonPod and the HandspringPod will probably use serial or something equally outdated. Like ADB. Or- EL GASPO – SCSI.

  22. Brother Mugga says:

    I can’t wait for the WWDC, so that Mr. Jobs can flash up the third image and say ‘Now a funny thing appeared on our website…[blah blah blah]….there were three reactions; one was that it was too good to be true; one was that it was a mistake; and the third was that it was brilliant marketing by Apple. Well I’m here to tell you that it was a mistake . . . and . . . [big Keynote back banner saying ‘It’s True’] ‘it’s true.’

    [Wild cheers from audience, who have by now finished all the pies]

    Cue 50 minute analysis of the ‘Ham and Swiss on Wheat’ iPod, including ‘bake offs’ with a variety of roll/bap-based MP3 players.

    Brother Mugga

  23. Anonymous says:

    Only 3 hours left of Happy Flensing Day!

  24. Cyanide says:

    FIRST POST! WOO! WOO! WOO! WO…. $#%$

    I’m so alone….

  25. bogus says:

    By ignoring all my predecessors I declare this Post first.


    I Tricked You all!

    Not that there is anyone to trick here… still ignoring You all …

  26. Cyanide says:

    Hmm… it seems enough knives in enough backs would eventually give me first post by default… Let it be so. Muaha ha ha ha ha haaaa….

  27. The Fancy Chicken says:

    No-one Will Take MY FIRST POST!

  28. Bill Eccles says:

    Sorry, John, I don’t read the stories or comments any more. I’m still stuck in the so-called “so-called ‘Mega-Post'” and probably will be until it falls off the bottom of the page.

    That would make finding it more difficult.

    And I don’t like difficult.

  29. Cyanide says:

    LAST POST! until someone else posts, at least

  30. Kevin says:

    Second reference to some kind of cheese in the past couple of weeks. Coincidence? I think NOT!

    Plus, it’s fancy European cheese. Gruyere (or however you spell it) and Swiss? What’s next? Brie? Whatever happened to good ol’ American cheese? Or Cheez Whiz?

    Hoity-toity if you ask me.

  31. Cyanide says:

    damn you, kevin, you “last post” stealing “last post” stealer.

    Ahh… Puttting salt in unrelated wounds… Wincrap vs. Macincrap. Someday I will design the easiest OS ever. Easy on the eyes too. It will be a distro of linux for PPC that shuts your computer off as fast as it turns it on. It will be optimized for speed. It will be small as all it will have to do is immediatley turn off your computer. It will be coded in the glorious language know as real basic! And it will (of course) be shareware. . .. …. ……. This is all possible, right?


    Macincrap is less crap then wincrap!

    PS: obligatory “LAST POST! woo!” even though this may not be the last post

    LAST POST! woo!

  32. i would have thought apple would have learned about mixing food and computers after the collosal failure of the apple brand apple’s. i guess jobs just isnt one for giving up.

  33. ipodguy says:

    John, you always come up with funny stuff like this. What’s your inspiration?

  34. an architect of sorts says:

    I don’t know if it’s inspiration or a lack of things to do…like post a new story. It’s 2:30 here in Oklahoma! Where’s my story. I need my afternoon break.

    *hangs head weeping for a new CARS story to light up my work day*

  35. Adam Jackson says:

    please stop with the editor’s notes.

  36. “I dont read the stories. I do not read the comments either.”

    Posted by: Bart on May 25, 2004 11:18 AM

    i just don’t understand. it doesn’t make any sense.

    how did you know to respond to john about not reading the stories or comments if you… um… well… if you didn’t read the comment?

    i just… don’t… see… how…


    i got goosebumps.

  37. Thank you for sharing that with us!

  38. Lolita says:

    Just a test

  39. Lolita says:

    Just a test

  40. payday loans says:

    I don’t really think your thoughts are right. Maybe you need a loan?

  41. Car hire UK says:

    Hire a car to feel higher!

  42. news- says: