With the widely expected announcement of a 30-inch screen perhaps only moments away, Apple’s trend toward wide aspect screens continues unabated. At the same time, with the fashion and pornography industries trending toward thinner and thinner models, Apple’s displays present an ever-increasing viewing connundrum.
14-year-old Joshua Sellars complained, “Sometimes when I open up a JPEG I’ve just downloaded, like, let’s say one called hotnude.jpg… It doesn’t have to be hotnude.jpg… it could be luciouschick.jpg… or megababe.jpg. Whatever.
“The point is, all I see is her head. Or her knees. Or her… well… let’s just say I only see part of her body.
“That totally sucks. I spend my nights just scrolling up and down. It’s really starting to hurt my wrist.”
Sellars’ friend Stephen Folk said “No, dude, you’re doing it wrong. You shrink them down to the right height. See, look at me. I’ve got 750 Vogue models lined up across my screen.”
But excessive vertical scrolling by randy youngsters has become a problem according to many in the medical profession.
“We have seen a startling increase in the number of wrist stress cases since the advent of wide aspect screens,” said Dr. Raymond Thies of Harborview Medical Center.
“Of course,” Dr. Thies added, “there is a possibility that all the strained wrists are not so much due to the scrolling as they are due to… um… er… well… uh… all the… um… with the… ointments and… ah…
“You see, when a teenage boy loves a JPEG very much, he… uh… Well… here, I have this pamphlet on it…”
Dr. Thies produced a pamphlet entitled Self Gratification the Ergonomic Way (or, How Todd Learned How To Be a Switch Hitter).
Apple declined to comment for this story, but did let out an amused snort.