Using ancient arts of stealth and surprise known only to ninja assassins, Apple double secret surprise unveiled new iPods on yor azz today.
Appearing as if from nowhere, Apple ninja delivered press releases to the major and Mac-specific media this morning detailing the features of the new iPods.
“I was straight trippin’ when that ninja unveiled the new iPods on my azz, bro,” said MacAddict editor Rik Myslewski. “I was just sittin’ there typin’ and all of a sudden I see this flash of black! I’m like ‘AAAAAAHHH!’ and he’s like ‘HAAAAAIIII-YAAAAWWWW!!!’
“The next thing I know, there’s a press release on my desk and… poof! He’s gone!
“It was hella bent, yo.”
Macworld magazine editor Jason Snell told a similar tale.
“He was like ‘AI-AI-AI-AI-AI-AI!'” Snell said. “And there were fist flying and feet flailing and nunchuks and sai and that other thing that’s like a nunchuck but is more like a pole on one end and then one of those long spear jobbies with a curved blade on the end! It was buck wild, boi!
“And then… silence. The sound of dew dropping. Somewhere a dog barked. And a single sheet of paper floated down onto my desk. The press release.
“I’ve got a haiku I wrote about it if you’ve got a minute…”
It is thought that Apple has employed this double secret reveal at this crucial juncture as a means of showing that, despite the pre-announcement of September G5 iMacs, the company still has the moves to go all ninja on yor azz.
According to sources within the company, Steve Jobs activated his elite PR ninja strike force this morning, making a fist with both hands, crossing his arms and calling out “Lightning Ninja PR Strike Force Assemble!”
(Editor’s Note: Apple is currently being sued by Marvel Comics for copyright infringement on the Avengers.)
As the members of the Lightning Ninja PR Strike Force appeared, an unseen voice called out their names. “Aki! Ken! Yukio! Motor! Dicky! And, introducing, The Marmot!”
Jobs then handed out the press releases, stated his desire for them to be delivered “on them media azzes” and closed by reminding the strike force members to turn in their time cards at the end of the week.