20 Jul 04Jobs "Utterly Spent" After Introducing New iPods.


After yesterday’s introduction of the new iPods, Apple CEO Steve Jobs is reported to be “utterly spent.”

Shortly after what was described as “a really satisfying introduction,” Jobs leaned back and lit up a cigarette.

“Oh, man,” he said. “That was great. I am like a beached whale!

“Slipping a picture of the new iPod into Newsweek like that… then the big intro… Who’s your daddy? Who is your daddy!?”

Jobs then drifted off to sleep.

Apple spokesperson Cynthia McLaren said “I think it’s clear that this product introduction was good for Steve, but I believe it was also good for the media, too.

“I ain’t hearin’ no complaints, you know what I’m sayin’?”

McLaren, however, has apparently not spoken with several members of the media who were left unsatisfied by yesterday’s iPod rollout.

Your Mac Life’s Shawn King asked “That was it? Because that was… really quick.

“I don’t know, I was just expecting… more. I just… I didn’t really feel anything, you know?”

Newsweek’s Steven Levy’s complaints were less about the introduction itself than what was increasingly becoming clear to him as the very small potential for meaningful followup.

“It was nice and everything,” Levy said. “But… why did Steve have to rush off like that afterward? I thought I was special. I thought we really made a connection.

“Do you think he’ll call me? He said he’d call me, but…”

McLaren indicated that Jobs was very busy and did not necessarily have the time to personally call back every media outlet he uses.

Uh… to introduce new Apple products.

No Responses to “Jobs "Utterly Spent" After Introducing New iPods.”

  1. Firsty the clown says:

    I’m first!!!!!!!!

  2. Daddy Bartholomew says:

    In fact, His Steveness may be beginning to look like a beached whale. Shame on you for penetrating the RDF and telling on him!

    And, uh, SECOND!

  3. Tuchte Raie says:

    Me too!

  4. greenacres says:

    4th! Hey, it was good for me, too…

  5. greenacres says:

    (I like to watch…)

  6. Erm.

    Reminds me of the chicken and egg joke.

  7. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    How much money would it take to have Gates utterly spent?

    You could buy an awful lot of corn dogs, I’ll wager.

  8. Colonel Mustard says:

    I am unsure what other media outlets Jobs would use, possibly I am too busy murdering Mr. Boddy to keep track, but what other outlets does he use other then to introduce new Apple products?

    -Colonel M

  9. I am so happy and full of joy after reading another laugh-out-loud CARS episode! It would seem the editorial staff is back in form after a much needed break from stress and stimulants.

    Hold me?

  10. Maintenance Engineer says:

    I don’t know where this is heading┬ůthe media seems so high maintenance.

  11. Huck says:

    I think Steve will eventually end up swearing off all media outlets and switch to electrical outlets. Very low maintenance, you get a friggin’ bill every month, it couldn’t be easier. Also a bit livelier, ifyaknowwhatimean.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Why do I feel so….Dirty?

  13. John Moltz says:

    Possibly because you haven’t showered in days?

    I dunno… just thinking out loud…

  14. Steve says:

    And Stevo fell asleep with a lit cigarette! The dumb#ss is lucky he didn’t burn the building down! ­čÖé

  15. Aaron says:

    I’m sure Steve would switch to electrical outlets, but apparently the FCC has some kind of problem with broadband over power. Oh well.

  16. Bill Eccles says:

    John’s reporting: bad.

    Could it be fabricated?

    Steve would never smoke.

    (Insert PR release for the MegaPost, delivered by lesbian sexbot midget ninja robots in a flaming tequila bottle, here.)

    (Um, the PR release would be in the bottle, not the robot. That’s just unrealistic.)

  17. Ozi says:

    Well next time, i needs me some Fioricet, I know that… I SURE WONT BUY IT OFF SOME DODGY INTERNET POO-BOTTOM SITE WHICH SENDS OUT RAT POISEN MADE IN CHINA!

    *SIGHS*

    Anyho, I hope stevey boy is smart enough not to smoke. Also, I think “ninjas” are a bit silly. I mean, CARS is my daily dose of normal, down to earth news, and you come up with ninjas? deary, DEARY me.

    ~ozi

  18. Gag Halfrunt says:

    Did Steve take his pants with him when he left? ‘Coz otherwise, you know. Got any spare pants?

  19. Del says:

    Great plug Bill! Remember you can find the MegaPost at :

    http://www.crazyapplerumors.com/cgi-bin/mt/mt-comments.cgi?entry_id=230

    Ninjas unrealistic? I see somebody doesn’t watch CNN. Not long after 9/11 a Homeland Security person came on CNN to explain what the different colors meant. He stated that when the country goes to Orange alert that specially trained Ninjas would patrol our landmarks and other high profile areas.

    I about died laughing. NINJAS!!!!? The truth is stranger than fiction. Plus if you read AtAt you know that Apple has been employing Ninja task forces for years to deal with rumor sites. Job’s is just deciding to make them earn their money for the rest of the year when they aren’t harassing rumor sites.

  20. Steve Tupid says:

    Why am I here? I have work to do. What attracts me to this place and makes me want to stay. I’m leaving. I bet I come back again.

  21. Huh? says:

    In case anyone is curious, there is a HUGE box of pants over in the corner. I … uh… helped myself already.

    If they belong to anyone, let me know, and I’ll return mine…

  22. Cai says:

    Aha!

    Woooooo!

    We’ve reached 800 posts…..thats a big middle finger to all the doubters who said we could never get to 100, let alone 800……..

    so….lets all celebrate….remember to post in the Megapost and be part of the pre-1000 party thats bound to be happening…..

    because after 1000, you’ll be soooooo laaaahst year, dear!!!

    Hey Del, you cant do that with your linkage…I though you’d given us your e-mail link….because you know….you arnt getting the Megapost Exclusive Press Releases ya know*…..

    wooo……..be part of the Haiku madness thats going on at the moment….

    roll up, roll up…before Mr. Moltzy decides it’s all gone a bit too far….

    mind you….too late for that I think…..

    wooooooooooooooo!

    *Bill wasnt kidding

  23. Once again my cubicle walls have been misted by a half chortled spray of laffin.’

    Gross.

  24. Del says:

    I’m sorry Cai. I know I was being tricksy. I’ll do ANYTHING to trick.. I mean talk people into posting in the MegaPost.

    *suggestive wink*

    I’m even posting dirty limericks.

    I blame the morphine.

    Sweeet Sweeet Morphine.

  25. Huck says:

    Maybe we should get Steve to help, he seems to have a way with the media… oh, nevermind, he HAD his way with the media. Well anyway, combining Del’s and Steve-o’s suggestive winks could mean the converting of the masses, we could start a religion, we could make Cai wear a funny hat, we could dedicate our massive resources to cuttin–er, rubbing-edge Sexbot technology. And with that we wouldn’t just be a religion anymore, we be GODS, Gods I say! And the sexbots shall rain down upon the–er, the populace shall rain down upon the sexbots. Jeez I keep getting things mistaken and switched around…

  26. Del says:

    I thought Cai was already wearing a funny hat.

    To the MegaPost

    You go to have drunk midget

    lesbian sexbots

    http://www.crazyapplerumors.com/cgi-bin/mt/mt-comments.cgi?entry_id=230

  27. Del says:

    I heard a nasty rumor that Steve got the media drunk first, and he used a mixture of Viagra and Enzyte in order to be able to get through them all.

  28. The Cheese Man says:

    I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!!! YOU SEXY THING

  29. icky guy says:

    After one introduced new iPods from yesterday, the day of Apple

    CEOSteve is complete “and one says to it exhausted.”

    In the introduction on, which comes to it that “it is content in the

    small quantity with realness to be described” from meeting after and

    as a tobacco leans, Dawn.

    “humans of Ohio” spoke. “the society. Me, that into seashore load and

    the whale, which arranges is,!

    “by slipping with Newsweek as port-guessed/advised iPod the

    new…

    This large introduction of the time… Its dad arrives, that?

    Its dad only! ? ”

    The day fêz in instruction self induction coil this side type

    of case of the time.

    khin mote Oh the introduction of the product spokesman of McLaren of

    the Apple the danger of Steve was good, to be made free “goes it for

    exterior and thinks also for speaking for, danger of the means that it

    is good, but too much thing I believes.

    “goes for exterior sayin ‘? “thing I is discontent with hearin ‘ and

    its eats

    McLaren was not, but leaves satisfaisantement and clearly in

    any member of the average, the ages to leave through iPodrollout

    yesterday and in it did not speak.

    It was, their Shawn life of mac undertakes request “? … With

    realness within, because.

    “I or under the political party do not know… Compared with grudge of

    the strength. The dog i, which is legitimate… I do not feel degrees

    with realness possibly something, there am eat, which I for exterior

    ├ęparpille? ”

    Fewer by weniges followup heart meaning, danger by small

    potential energy completion in it freely made and this discontent with

    levy of Newsweek ‘ sSteven, of which, which concern a style of

    characters of the introduction, which was compared with the hostile

    age, see.

    “Joh of everything” spoke levy it. “grudge peels the Steve, but,

    because… Falls which and has themselves to finally send? , and by

    being been special me he meant come out. We me the lions with a meant

    realness.

    “├ęparpillera for exterior and and the permission, which will load from

    the thing and thinks? It is loaded, but… “are called and theyn, that

    spoke the thing of the place

    On the day ppu it is necessary completion, and each noon,

    which uses after Oh McLaren, indicated the clothes, which do not have

    the hour, where the official calls commercially with the person.

    Apple Uh., that the new product introduces…

  30. Huh? says:

    Thanks. My head just exploded….

    Good thing I have a spare.

  31. LD says:

    I think Steve is a Goa’uld. Just look at his eyes on the cover! This would actually explain a great number of things.

  32. Steve Tupid says:

    Here I am. Back again. Leaving. Waiting to return.

  33. Huck says:

    Yeah, well don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out! Or in, if that should be the case.

  34. pran says:

    there r alot of really stupid ipod accessories available.

  35. Robert Keys says:

    I hope he doesn’t smoke…