Legal trouble is forcing Apple to rename one of its premier technologies. According to Apple Insider, Rendezvous will be renamed OpenTalk as part of an conflict with Tibco Software.
Additionally, sources indicate that Apple has decided that as long as it’s renaming one of its technologies, “What the hell, [it] should just go ahead and rename them all.”
Highly reliable sources indicate the following changes will be made:
- In a sign that relations between Apple and developers are truly souring, Xcode will be renamed OpenInvitationToBiteMe.
- Automator will become Dashboard, and Dashboard will become Automator. The two will then switch every third Tuesday in months with an “r” in their name.
- QuickTime will be renamed Spanky. When asked why, an Apple source said somewhat argumentatively “Because we can!” Also, he seemed like he might be drunk. We get a lot of that.
- VoiceOver will henceforth be known as ShutYoMouf.
- Quartz is now Kyle Quartz, Private Eye!
- .Mac will be renamed GMailExcept$100AndWithoutTheStorageSpace. iCards will become CrappyMcCardCrap.
- 64-Bit is now 64-Bit Extreeeeeeeeeeeeme!!!
- Core will be Whore. Apparently much of it was coded by whores. Not some techno-geek “code whore” or anything… actual whores. We don’t really know how that’s possible but… Not that whores couldn’t learn to code, given the proper training… Uh… Well, let’s just move on.
- Spotlight is now the more accurate ProcessorWastingEyeCandy.
Sources also indicate that several other technologies will be renamed things that are unpronounceable. H.264/AVC, for example, will become a string of punctuation, Cyrillic and Asian Unicode characters followed by a poke in the eye.
Again, I am first.
Believe me, this is hard work.
Bedtime for the clown.
two?
“According to Apple Insider, Rendezvous will be renamed OpenTalk as part of an agreement with .”
Whoa! A bit of a brain fart there at the end, eh?
That is really impressive. You actually got the first post IN THE SAME MINUTE. That is freaky crazy go nuts.
Take a bow, Firsty.
3
5
dammit
Your three is but five.
I’m starting to think you’re all the same guy.
Brain fart has been wafted away.
(bows)
I also heard that AppleWorks will be renamed Microsoft Office 2004, just for confusion’s sake. No actual update to the software will be made.
First post.
For me anyway, ever. Yay CARS, this place kicks arse!
iPod is now Your Mom.
“Hey Bob, I have Your Mom in my BMW!”
“I can now push the buttons better on Your Mom.”
“Great! Your Mom can now keep going for an extra 4 hours!”
And I’ve been waiting a really long time now to set up playlists on Your Mom…
I’ve got my thumb on Your Mom’s scroll wheel.
Don’t forget, kids, if Your Mom isn’t plugged in regularly, Your Mom will run out of juice!
Now I gotta get Tiger…
WhoreImage… Oh yeah…
My nickname is “spanky.” I dont know why…. but yeah I think I was drunker than your apple informant on the night i got the nickname. But I dont remember what happened. I mean, like I care? *blushes*
Anyho, im now known as “Quicktime.” Also, what is “spotlight?” and how do i get it to chew up my processor?
Actually, I’m pretty sure that they’re planning on renaming AppleWorks “TheSweetSweetReleaseFromTormentThatWillNeverCome.” Note that its codename is still “ZombieWorks.”
The Haikus go on
the iPod gets an update
Your Mom still looks good
Damn it, Moltz. These fucking “time zones” are fucking with my mojo. I go to bed at 10 – and NO CARS UPDATE. Next morning, I wake up, and one is mysteriously present – and timestamped 7:37! just a time difference? NO. It’s all a part of a worldwide conspiracy to do away with Margarita Mondays, Two-fer-Tuesdays, Hump-day, Thirsty-Thursdays, and Forty Fridays my personal favorite….must be Old E, though.) Eventually, time will stand still! it will always be the same time! The same day!
Wait – you mean that it won’t interfere with my drinking? oh. Carry on with your global conspiracy then. Just leave a ten on the dresser and GET OUT!
i don’t wanna spoil the party but since “first post” is my favorite comment.. and i somehow get the feeling that some “hard work” could be the coding of some nutty script that checks a specific website every few seconds and reports back if it changes… of course i realize that i could have inspired a lot of lazy geek for a new first post war, but hey, you have to know your enemy to fight back.. (check your logs, moltz)
then again, changes are that some people have nothing to do but, duh, pressing the reload button every few seconds…
chris
John, do you have to encourage this kind of behavior? I propose 1st Post should be relegated to 1st Clever Post. All previous posts disqualified.
I come here hoping to read an entertaining article or at least a funny comments. Nothing today. See you all tomorrow.
Funny comments and
witty posts live in the Cheez
Whiz filled Mega Post.
Haikus run rampant
Limericks peak their head out
Help us please we’re sick
Uh. Those whores didn’t happen to be wearing pants, did they? Cause yesterday there was a whole box of pants in the corner, and now they’re all gone.
I knew I should have taken some….
I hear firewire was going to be renamed iFlame of Doom.
I finally wrote
A post without a haiku
Oh crap maybe not
Never mind the haiku…whose brain farted? Least you could do is light a match or something.
By the way, Your Mom is really hot.
Dude have you seen Your Mom. I heard Your Mom uses a wall plug-in to get juiced up.
I am very ashamed of you all.
However:
The amendment where which muscle comes quite after does and cyess the
thing it is visible in fact,:
Regarding the XcodeOpenInvitationToBiteMe and a name Apple and
developer space the relationship which it modifies it in order not to
deceive became sourly in indication.
The Automator the dashboard, becomes the Automator which becomes the
dashboard. Regarding 2 that time all 3rd Tuesday changes “inside month
of r” of name.
khwik The time is the Spanky and the name which it modifies. Our empty
tin-can! “Some it talks argument, he drinks to peel and why, you
inside sequence that, probably, in order when Apple origin” to demand,
seem in method. We are incorrect the many thing.
After being Iss with the ShutYoMouf, the VoiceOver.
Regarding a decision now the Kyle, it is a decisive personal use eye,!
The Mac is the name which it modifies in the CrappyMcCardCrap where
the iCards of the GMailExcept$100AndWithoutTheStorageSpace. becomes.
Regarding 64 bit now 64 bit Extreeeeeeeeeeeeme! ! It gave back at the
house which it spreads out!
The core is prostitution department. Regarding an appearance the many
thing by a prostitution department code it did. Intelligence who it is
not… Actual prostitution department it peels and what “the techno it
goes mad hereupon code prostitution department”. We are but with
realness to peel, as you… It is knowing and Ji Anh intelligence that
possibility and an ability regarding that prostitution department
which is not there is, code it… The Uh. which gives training which
is suitable will learn a fact.. Is good, it is exact moves.
Regarding the spot light now it is a ProcessorWastingEyeCandy which is
more accurate.
Love,
Your poor, poor mother.
Not to be pedantic or anything, but Spotlight is used for searching for files, so while it may waste processor time, “eye candy” doesn’t factor into it at all.
I realize that this post is not funny. Neither is your site.
Terribly sorry, I didn’t think yourmother.com would be a real website.
Again, terribly sorry for this error.
Also, I realized that the whole “translation” thing is only funny for three minutes — way past due!
My fault!
Your pal,
Not your mother
You confused Spotlight for CoreImage fools…
I have nothing of any value to add here.
I do like whores, though.
Those graham crackers and all the melty marshmallow and chocolate…
No, I’m not talking about smores. I’m talking about the Sunday special at the Bunny Ranch. Makes the girl sticky, though, which is not a bad thing.
See, I told you it was nothing of value.
I’ll stop now.
You guys are getting too jaded and cynical!
Lighten up!
Relax! Take a breath! Use exclamation points more often!
What!
THE CHEESE MAN IS NOW THE MILKMAID…BEWARE OF MY MAID-LIKE POWERS
LAUNCH SERVICES WILL BE KNOWN HENCEFORTH AS:
“THE METADATA SUBSTITUTE OF UNSPEAKABLE HORROR!”
FEAR IT!
CHEESE MAN, do you mean this milkmaid?
http://www.wlpcomics.com/adult/milkmaid/
your joke made funnier:
64-Bit is now 32-Bit Extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeme!
If we had whores, we wouldn’t be using them to write code, if you know what I mean.
Ho yeah!