27 Sep 04Macs Cheaper, But Gayer.


An analysis conducted by Linux Inside writer Paul Murphy indicates that, contrary to conventional wisdom, Macs are cheaper than PCs.

What Murphy does not note, however, is that Macs are also gayer.

In a scientific analysis conducted by PC user Ryan Wilkins, Macs proved to be 15 times gayer than comparably equipped PCs.

“I went into this with an open mind,” said Wilkins. “I didn’t know how much gayer Macs were than PCs. I was prepared to accept any result that was a positive number.”

Wilkins’ methodology involved first Googling the phrase “Macs are gay” and then Googling the phrase “PCs are gay” and comparing the results.

Wilkins received 132 hits for the first search and 9 hits for the second, leading him to an incontrovertible conclusion.

“By dividing 132 by 9 and getting 14.6, I then applied a process statisticians call ’rounding’ to determine that Macs are 15 times gayer than PCs,” Wilkins said.

Wilkins declined to offer any commentary on the implications of his findings.

“I offer my results purely as a scientific study of the relative gayness of Macs and PCs,” he said.

“If someone wants to go out there and use a gay-assed computer, that’s their problem. Not my problem.”

33 Responses to “Macs Cheaper, But Gayer.”

  1. Ozi says:

    And how. 😛 My Apple does all my interior designing for me. 😀

  2. Anonymous says:

    My Mac IS my interior designing…

  3. Ah, but you didn’t take into account the 409 results for “Microsoft is gay” ( http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&q=%22microsoft+is+gay%22&btnG=Search ) compared to the 28 for “Apple is gay” ( http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&q=%22apple+is+gay%22&btnG=Search ) . That makes apple about a million times less gay than microsoft.

  4. Third post, by the way. And fourth.

  5. PoisedNoise says:

    I feel the sexuality of all computers is a difficult subject. I mean, for starters, they’re horrendously promiscuous, all connected to each other like that. And given that really there are no distinguishing features, I conclude that all computers are the same sex, and thus all gay. So there.

    Oh, and at least in the UK amongst musicians there is a tradition that all Mac hard drives are named after women (I”m currently typing this on Hilary). So they’re lesbians. In fact, they could even be sexbots. What do I know.

    Fifth.

  6. Scott says:

    In addition to 409 results for “Microsoft is gay”, there are 146 results in Google for “Windows is gay” and since every PC (ignoring the Linux using minority) uses Windows you can add that to the list.

  7. Know-it-All says:

    Paul Murphy made a critcal error in his scientific survey. He searched “PCs are gay” looking for references to gay PC hardware. He then searched “Macs are gay” looking for references to gay Mac hardware. Unfortunately many people use “Mac” to refer to both hardware and software interchangeably.

    Every knows that “hard”ware is quite macho and butch, while “soft”ware is warm, fuzzy, and effeminate. Software is much more likely to be perceived as “gay” by customers than hardware. (I am not saying which is actually more gay, I think that is their business and they should not be ridiculed for their choice in computing sex partner).

    Thus, searching for “Windows is gay” is much more a correct comparison to “Mac is gay” than searching “PC is gay.” In fact I think Mr. Murphy’s whole research project is “gay.”

  8. Derek says:

    Try googlefight.com for doing this sort of comparison regularly.

  9. Explicit Lyrix says:

    Yes, macs are very gay, that`s true. But at least with them you don`t have to worry about viruses.

    And yes, I know it`s “virii”, but the gayishness of that expression is too much for me to take.

  10. Anonymous says:

    a process statisticians call ’rounding’

    ahahahaha

  11. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    …not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    BTW, it IS “viruses.” “Virii” is a word someone made up to be cool. People who use “virii” also call computers “boxen.” Get over yourselves.

  12. no scientist says:

    I’m beginning to have doubts about the study. “virii in boxen is gay” nets 14 responses in google, but Macs certainly aren’t gayer than that. BTW, like Explicit, I know it’s “gaier”, but I can’t go there.

  13. Pepperoni says:

    And if you take the latin ending, the plural of “virus” would be “viri”, so “virii” is wrong in any case. I guess we should all stick to “viruses”. End of lecture.

  14. Anonymous says:

    mmmm hot lesbian ninja sex boxen

  15. Anonymous says:

    more than you ever wanted to know about latin plurals:

    http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mplurals.html

  16. Explicit Lyrix says:

    Lesbian ninjii just seem to handle better my various penes than the two sexbotten I recently bought.

    But you have to feed them a lot of cheesewhizzens.

  17. Billy Ray Cyrus says:

    Mac’s are definitely female, which is why I have no absolutely no problem hooking two or more of them up and watching them ‘communicate.’ They been doing that since ’84. You ever see someone try to hook a bunch of PCs up? Now THAT is gay. (in a comedic ‘Will & Grace’ kinda way, except way more pathetic)

  18. shidekigonomo says:

    Well, “Windows is gay” has 145 hits, so I guess with the margin of error, all computers are gay!

  19. UhhhDude says:

    I suppose we should organize a “Mac Pride” Parade. All those B&Ws, especially. They could dress up and look just FAB-ulous!

    I think that’s what those PC gamers were saying all along about Macs since 1998. Of course anyone who now owns a purple Alienware box should really check themselves.

    And, I guess that’s why Microsoft tries to be so butch. After all, look at the company’s name. They had to get a lot of teasing and bullying in school.

  20. Anonymous says:

    So should multiple Gateway machines be referred to as “oxen boxen”?

  21. Garnack says:

    Well my Mac is(was) gay. While reading this article my G4 ‘Quicksiler’ came out of the closet. It then started rubbing my thigh and humping my leg. It was very awkward for a minute or so until my dog showed up and got pissed at my Mac for humping the leg he likes to hump. There were some words exchanged between them and then my dog pissed on the Mac and that was the end of that. Macs don’t work well after a golden shower. Now I just have to explain to my dog that the Mac came on to me. He’s very upset with me right now. I did promise to pre-qualify the sexuality of my next Mac.

  22. Brother Mugga says:

    I once preached in my church to the effect that, like Aslan’s breath, the Word of the Lord came down upon the people of Israel like “a golden shower.”

    But was perhaps trumped by a paddy R.E. teacher mate of mine who wondered why all the kids in his class started giggling when he recounted that Jesus was “jostled by the crowd.”

    We’re going to hell, aren’t we…

    PS: Following this article, I’ve dressed my G5 up in a bright red cod-piece, a mesh shirt, and a jauntily-angled leather biker’s cap. Is that wrong? Because it just looks so *right*…

  23. Tiny Tim says:

    I have to say, that my Flower Power iMac has always been good to me.

  24. Billy says:

    Daddy, pull it out!!!

  25. David Newberry says:

    The fact that CARS is now the top hit for both phrases has shot the scientific process to hell. Nice going, Moltz!

  26. Anonymous says:

    Well, this laptop is a pc…

    http://www.exonome.com/fj/phkl/

    if it is not gay, i don’t know what it is.

  27. Me says:

    I think this merely proves that PC users are 15 times more homophobic than Mac users. Although I assume this site wasn’t included in the sample…

    I’m going to stick to AtAT from now on. At least I can get polled there.

  28. Free babe stockings says:

    DIDN’T ANYONE HEAR ME?!? I SAID: “FREE BABE STOCKINGS”!!!

  29. bonaccij says:

    Esthetically speaking, Of COURSE Macs are gay! Look at how fabulous they are!!! Can you honestly compare a Sony Vaio to a Powerbook???

    DEFINITELY GAY!!

  30. SiCo says:

    Computers (Mac or PC) are definitely queer, anything, anytime, anywhere, and almost certainly all female.

    Why are they female?

    1. You still have to wait for them once they are turned on.

    2. Once a month they have a “problem”. (Morning primrose oil doesn’t seem to work for them.)

    3. They don’t need a reason.

  31. kevin says:

    well, i just personally asked the computer that i’m working on (which happens to be a mac) if it’s gay or not, and it said…”without a doubt, i am a flamboyant homosexual”

    so there it is…straight from the homo’s mouth