06 Oct 04Many So-Called Geniuses Nothing Of The Sort.


According to certified genius John Berman who has just completed a 10-city study of Apple Stores many Apple Geniuses are not, in fact, geniuses at all.

“Apple has been falsely passing these people – whose only real knowledge is based around a vast experience with the Macintosh – off as geniuses,” Berman said.

After hearing of the Apple Geniuses and being intrigued by the idea of speaking with people on his own level, Berman first entered the Oakbrook Apple Store in February with the intent of chatting up a Genius.

“First, he was totally uninterested in discussing synchronistic patterns of clustering behavior which is so hot right now. That made me suspicious. So, I asked him what the value of pi was out to the 20th digit. He couldn’t get to four digits! 3.1415! 3.1415! Genius? I think not!”

Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller was forced to admit that Apple Geniuses are not screened for an I.Q. that would indicate genius status.

“‘Genius’ is really more of a clever job title than an actual indication of hyper-intelligence,” Schiller maintained. “They are hyper-intelligent about the Mac, though! Ha-ha! Ahhhh…”

Still, Berman was unsatisfied by Schiller’s explanation.

“It’s a complete obfuscation. When you take away their Mac knowledge, they’re just ordinary people.

“Actually, quite frankly, some of them are sub-ordinary.”

Contrary to Berman’s results, however, Schiller asserted that Darlene Quinn, an Apple Genius at the Knox Street store was a member of Mensa.

“Also, Henry Ruiz at the Mission Viejo store is really, really smart. He knows a lot about fish. He’s really into fish.

“I’m also told that Stan Frith at the Crossgates store knows how to make his own mayonnaise. That’s gotta count for something.”

Berman has not decided whether or not he will initiate a class action suit against Apple for false advertising.

38 Responses to “Many So-Called Geniuses Nothing Of The Sort.”

  1. Mac Genius CT says:

    no, we’re not real-world genii, and, in fact, we often aren’t that smart about mac either

    oh, and FIRST POST w00t

  2. Hanji says:

    SECOOOOOND!

  3. michael says:

    The geniuses at my Apple store probably think pi is something they eat. Third!

  4. Anonymous says:

    Um, the fourth digit of pi IS 5. Pi = 3.14159265…

  5. Da man PAK says:

    FIFTH BOO YA

  6. Da man PAK says:

    sixth 🙂

  7. Da man PAK says:

    Seven!!!

  8. Da man PAK says:

    eighth……..-_-

  9. greenacres says:

    Pi!

  10. Da man PAK says:

    Ninthhhhhhhhhhhh YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. greenacres says:

    Pi + 1!

  12. Da man PAK says:

    what is Pi

  13. Da man PAK says:

    .

  14. greenacres says:

    Flour, water, butter mushed together for the crust. Some sort of fruit filling is sometimes used.

  15. Da man PAK says:

    ha ha funny

  16. Anonymous says:

    what IQ do you need to be come a genius

  17. Anonymous says:

    145 to 164 I think

  18. UhhhDude says:

    Forget the IQ stuff. Can we still fondle them?

    (Or at the very least, come on to them at the Genius Bar with lame opening lines like, “I need some help mounting my hard drive, if you know what I mean….”)

  19. MacStansbury says:

    oh they like totally stole that from yesterday’s comments about the Genius Bar and not being able to make a Mac and Coke

    STEALERS!!!! THIEVES!!!! iPod USERS!!!!!!!

  20. PoisedNoise says:

    Surely the plural is “genii”. And to the suggestion that to be a genius you must have an I.Q. between 145 and 164 – what happens after that? This is in theory an infinite scale, is it not? I mean obviously chances are you’ll never meet someone with an I.Q. higher than 164 (especially not behind the genius bar) but some must exist – what are they meant to be called? Freaks?

  21. Anonymous says:

    Once, when I was lost in the desert, I came upon an old bronze lamp. When I tried to polish it up a bit, a genii came out. I thought he would grant me three wishes, but instead he devoured my soul. Lame.

  22. Huck says:

    Good thing the Mac Geniuses don’t do that when I rub them, eh?

    Eh? Eh? *nudge* *nudge*

  23. mr. conspiracy says:

    MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmm! MAYONNAISE!!!!

  24. a mouse says:

    I like cheese.

  25. D. Colonia says:

    What would a member of Mensa know about being a genius? Why would an organization with members that claim to be genius called itself Mensa? The Spanish meaning of Mensa is a foolish person.

  26. I once went to the cinema to see “Pi: The Movie” but decided not to stay around for the end.

  27. Anonymous says:

    drilldrilldrill

  28. Brother Mugga says:

    Oh you should have done; it was great – ends up with a big pi-chucking fight at The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

    I love custard, me.

  29. bear says:

    Mayonnaise and Clausen’s Pickle Relish!!!!!! Yummmmmmmmmm!

  30. Anonymous says:

    Chicago-style Hot Dog!

  31. chris says:

    i actually know pi to 50 digit…

    3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510

    (sorry if there’s an error in there.. been a while…)

    unfortuntely i don’t qualify as a genius in pretty all other respects though.

  32. some guy says:

    Well yes, nameless fourth poster, you are correct that the 4th right-of-decimal-point digit of pi is 5, but if you’re gonna only gonna specify it to 4 digits, you should be rounding it. And since the next digit is 9, the 5 rounds up. Thus, you either either call it 3.1416 or 3.14159[..]

    So if you’re gonna be a pedant about it like Mr. Berman, um, yeah.

    yup.

  33. PoisedNoise says:

    Speaking of Restaurants at the end of universes – all you state-side peeps should be told if you don’t know already that the BBC are currently broadcasting on radio the tertiary phase of Hitchhiker’s Guide, which was actually mostly written by Douglas Adams (he did most of the adaptation from books 3,4 and 5 before he died). All of the original cast who are still alive feature, and even Douglas Adams himself is scheduled to appear as Agrajag apparently….

    available for streaming here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/radio4_aod.shtml?hitchhikers

  34. Anonymous says:

    35 yes god yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  35. Anonymous says:

    3.

    1415926535 8979323846 2643383279 5028841971 6939937510 5820974944 5923078164 0628620899 8628034825 3421170679 8214808651 3282306647 0938446095 5058223172 5359408128 4811174502 8410270193 8521105559 6446229489 5493038196 4428810975 6659334461 2847564823 3786783165 2712019091 4564856692 3460348610 4543266482 1339360726 0249141273 7245870066 0631558817 4881520920 9628292540 9171536436 7892590360 0113305305 4882046652 1384146951 9415116094 3305727036 5759591953 0921861173 8193261179 3105118548 0744623799 6274956735 1885752724 8912279381 8301194912 9833673362 4406566430 8602139494 6395224737 1907021798 6094370277 0539217176 2931767523 8467481846 7669405132 0005681271 4526356082 7785771342 7577896091 7363717872 1468440901 2249534301 4654958537 1050792279 6892589235 4201995611 2129021960 8640344181 5981362977 4771309960 5187072113 4999999837 2978049951 0597317328 1609631859 5024459455 3469083026 4252230825 3344685035 2619311881 7101000313 7838752886 5875332083 8142061717 7669147303 5982534904 2875546873 1159562863 8823537875 9375195778 1857780532 1712268066 1300192787 6611195909 2164201989 3809525720 1065485863 2788659361 5338182796 8230301952 0353018529 6899577362 2599413891 2497217752 8347913151 5574857242 4541506959 5082953311 6861727855 8890750983 8175463746 4939319255 0604009277 0167113900 9848824012 8583616035 6370766010 4710181942 9555961989 4676783744 9448255379 7747268471 0404753464 6208046684 2590694912 9331367702 8989152104 7521620569 6602405803 8150193511 2533824300 3558764024 7496473263 9141992726 0426992279 6782354781 6360093417 2164121992 4586315030 2861829745 5570674983 8505494588 5869269956 9092721079 7509302955 3211653449 8720275596 0236480665 4991198818 3479775356 6369807426 5425278625 5181841757 4672890977 7727938000 8164706001 6145249192 1732172147 7235014144 1973568548 1613611573 5255213347 5741

  36. greenacres says:

    I am pretty SURE that the 150th decimal place is a 2 and not an 8. Oh, hold on, that is a bit of my apple pie sitting on the screen. The 8 is correct. Now to find a life…

  37. captain says:

    If you were writing in Latin then you would be correct to use genii as the plural of genius, however no one has yet posted in Latin in this forum, therefore “geniuses” would be the appropriate term.