No More Games Coming To The Mac Ever.


Despite the current rosy outlook for the Mac market, all major game developers announced today that no more games are coming to the Mac ever.

After Cyan Worlds Inc. announced it would not release Uru, the latest sequel to Myst, for the Mac, other game developers began wondering why they should bust their asses coding for the Mac. This ultimately resulted in an industry-wide decision never to bring any games to the Mac again ever again.

According to analysts, this has nothing to do with the Mac’s relative marketshare or companies’ ability to turn a profit on games for the Mac.

“Game developers are just inherently lazy,” said MacCentral and Macworld magazine’s Peter Cohen.

“They’d rather just be playing the games they work on. If you give them an excuse not to develop something, they’re going to take it. They saw their out.”

When asked why he would no longer develop for the Mac, Westlake game developer Kai Sorenson refused to look up from the game he was currently playing and would only mumble “I’m busy.”

Cohen said that from here on out, Mac gamers can expect only small shareware titles will be produced for the Mac platform. First-person shooters, advanced strategy games and anything involving anything more complicated than sprites are a thing of the past.

“Yep, brush off old copy of Strategic Conquest. Get used to staring at a dozen different kinds of solitaire. Attempt to wow your friends with Quinn.

“Which is just great because I’ve kind of made games my speciality. Well, game over, dude. I’m outta here.”

Cohen shut the lights out in his spacious Macworld office and tossed the keys on the desk of a confused editor Jason Snell.

“So long, suckers!” Cohen yelled, not looking back on his way out.

“What the heck was that all about?” Snell asked.

33 thoughts on “No More Games Coming To The Mac Ever.”

  1. That’s fine. I’m sure everyone will agree that ever since Marathon, and the horrible, disgusting fate that overtook its creators, developing games for the Macintosh is simply too dangerous.

  3. I had two favorite games, both map games: Civilization and SimCity. After Civilization 3 and SimCity 4, maybe we’re better off.

    (OK, I haven’t actually bought SimCity 4, but by all accounts it is buggy. I did buy SimCity 3.)

  4. AND, if you go to NStorm and try to download Elf Bowling (1, 2, 3, or any other version), they have this cute little “check back soon” message.

    Riiiight.

    Lazy-ass developers. Feh.

  5. FOURTH!!!!! the lowest number i have ever gotten, even if by the time i type all this out, i get fifth, still the lowest, yup

  6. Mondays are depressing enough, this is mean, cruel, and sadistic. There is nothing funny about this post.

    On the other hand, I have spent $$$$ over the years to support Mac gaming.On I’ll have more money to spend on Macs…that will just sit there …in the corner…gathering dust. Damn.

    Wait!!! Internet porn. That is crossplatform. No sign that is going away.

  7. Since when was this news? It’s now almost a year since I got booted out of my clan – which was fair enough really as it was an rtcw clan and I didn’t have teamspeak or ET….

    They’re all wieners. Especially the teamspeak guys 🙂

    Wieners.

  8. Um…what is RTCW? I know what a clan is, but what’s RTCW? Oh, and teamspeak? And ET?

    And clans, I guess. I was lying before about knowing what they were. I’m a liar.

  9. What happened to The Mega-Post?! My link doesn’t work anymore!

    Moltz! You fiend! You nefarious malefactor! Repugnant rapscallion!

    You’ll just be sitting there, minding your own business, and I’ll come marching in and crawl up your leg and start biting the inside of your ass, and you’ll be all like “Ay! Get out of my ass, you stupid Huck!”

    And I’ll be all like “You can have my The Mega-Post — when you pry it from my cold, dead hand!”

  10. Oh!!!!! The sweet smell of desperate gamers. All lathered up, and just begging for the joy stick. No baby, I don’t need no firewall for going online. I am invincible.

  13. How timely in a reverse sense… I just saw yesterday that World of Warcraft has a Mac version.

  15. I just bought WOW last night at Best Buy (wife is pregnant so I get to shop for myself this year). I can’t PLAY it until Christmas as it is my 3 year old daughter’s present to me. My wife is SO devious….BUT IT LOOKS SO KICK-ASS!!! Auuuuuuugghhh! John should have said, “No games ever except from Blizzard…” They are the only ones that develop the Mac port by themselves and do dual-releases. Other companies should look at their business model. They take their time and only release amazing games.

  17. Myst IV Revelation runs on Macs, dosen’t it?

    I thought it was just the crappy games that don’t run on Macs. If the game is any good it gets ported over ….. 2 YEARS LATER !!!!!!!!

  19. Blizzard does rock! Especially since when you buy the cd you get both the Mac and Windows version!

    WC3 is one of my favorite games for lan parties.

  22. Am I the only one here who longs for the days when Zorkers did it under the rug???

  23. No way LGoP. I actually still play those text games courtesy of the infocombot. I haven’t seen it online lately though. Text games rule!

  24. bah, the only things i need are my good old aleph one, and ambrosia software– and maybe destineer, tamte has never had a problem with disappointing, but this poses a more serious problem

    does this mean no more sex-bots??? i heard the same people who program games also program the sex-bots (at least the fun ones) which is why apple really needs to step up the sex-bot production line… i just cant wat 8 weeks after each new release

  25. I take that back, some text games rule. I used to have one that every time you typed a command the game didn’t know your characters blood pressure went up until they had a heart attack and died. It used to suck because you had to find out what the exact wording the game would recognize which would take several tries and that would lead to death.

    It definitely raised my blood pressure.

  26. greenacres,

    I simply must take the opportunity to rub salt in your wounds here…

    I, too, bought WoW, the day after Thanksgiving. In my case, however, I brought it home, stripped it of its plastic flesh, eased the series of disks into the drive, emptied the contents into the computer’s willing HD, and brandished it like a weapon before my wife’s disbelieving eyes.

    TWO DAYS LATER, she forced me to go get a second copy to put on her computer so we could play simultaneously.

    Not only that, but while she was temporarily in a state of Blizzard-induced weakness, I slyly picked up a copy of Myst IV.

    (That stinging sensation will gradually disappear, beginning sometime shortly after Christmas.)

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