03 Dec 04Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.


Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.


Q: I’ve been using Macs since 1995. I’ve had a host of Performas, iMacs and PowerBooks. I’ve used OS 8, 9 and 10. But one thing has been bothering me this whole time. What’s this thing?
A: That thing?
Q: No. That’s my D’Argo action figure. What’s this thing?
A: This thing?
Q: GAH! No! Why would I be asking you what my mint condition Captain America and Falcon issue #167 from 1973 is?! I know what it is!
A: Well, do you mean that?
Q: Are you blind, as well as stupid and annoying?!
A: I…
Q: That’s clearly my collection of Starlog magazines featuring Boba Fett on the cover! Why are you making this so difficult?!
A: I’m not, you’re just gesturing wildly!
Q: THAT! RIGHT THERE!
A: That?
Q: YES! THAT!
A: That’s… that’s the Apple icon. From whence comes the Apple menu. You may have heard of it.
Q: OK, now I feel stupid.
A: Ah, well, then, my work is done here.


Q: I have a Power Mac G5 which I’m working on a case mod for.
A: What? No. Dude, case mods are for PCs. You don’t case mod a G5. That would be an act against nature. An aberration.
Q: No, see, this case mod would make the G5 even cooler looking, combining the best of Apple’s inimitable design and the armor of the most deadly assassin in the sector!
A: Oh, no… you can’t be serious…
Q: Two words: Boba Mac!
A: NO!
Q: BO-BA MAC! BO-BA MAC! BO-BA MAC!
A: DON’T YOU DO IT!
Q: I’M DOING IT!
A: DON’T YOU DO IT!
Q: I’M MOD-ING MY MAC INTO BOBA FETT AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO!
A: NOOOOOOOOO!!!
Q: Uh, well, actually, I don’t have all the parts yet. I’m having a hard time getting the helmet just right.
A: Oh. OK. Well…
Q: Um…
A: Why don’t you just call me back when you’re ready and we can pick up where we left off.
Q: At, uh, “…AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO!”?
A: Yeah, that’ll work.


Q: I have a G4 iBook that I will use as a convenient lead-in to this question which will have nothing to do with it.
A: OK.
Q: The question is, why do so many questions on this feature mention Boba Fett?
A: Oh, well, he’s such a popular character – perhaps the most popular character – from the remarkable breadth of truly talented filmmaking done by George Lucas.
Q: Um…
A: And the crap he’s spewed out in the last fifteen years.
Q: OK, there you go.
A: So, it’s not really so unusual to mention Boba Fett.
Q: Well… are you sure… um…
A: What?
Q: No, I shouldn’t.
A: What?!
Q: Well… I mean… have you considered that… No.
A: WHAT?!
Q: That… you might have a… heh… Boba Fettish?
A: …
Q: Ha-ha! See, it’s funny because…
A: …
Q: I’ll go now.

156 Responses to “Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.”

  1. MacStansbury says:

    have you got to the thing with Claire yet? cause if not, then it gets better. if you’re past the Claire thing, think bulldozer.

  2. Streetrabbit says:

    Episode 1 or pilot or whatever is next Thursday. Haven’t got to anything yet. I’m a lost virgin.

  3. MacStansbury says:

    ah. well, you’ll have more fun than I did, what with knowing where stuff is in Australia. if you get to go through the marathon schedule, you should quite a bit of Lostzilla. depends on how they run the episodes. they ran the pilot 6 times. 6 times.

    6 times. the same two hours. 6 times. we won’t get to episode 15 till February. where is the justice in that?

  4. Streetrabbit says:

    OK…so the labrador is the monster right? I knew those bastards were evil, sure they help blind people and look so cuddly and cute and friendly, especially the puppies and those Andrex commercials who couldn’t love a labrador?

    They’re pure slimey chops evil.

  5. Fooled Ya!

    Ok here’s the guy you want. This is purely for spammers.

  6. Ozi says:

    You tricked me good, meanie! 😀

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