06 Dec 04Columnist Sparks Ire Of Mac Community.


Richard Brooks of the Herald Tribune of southwestern Florida created an immense backlash when he penned a column supporting a plan by Nazi-commie terrorists to eradicate the Mac from a local school district.

And by “Nazi-commie terrorists” I mean the school superintendent.

While Brooks’ paper has published some of the massive amount of negative feedback it has received for harboring someone who fully supports the terrorists, they have not published all of it.

Here are some letters the Herald Tribune didn’t have the guts to print – because they can’t handle the truth!

And, uh, a lot of them have curse words in them.


To Whom It May Concern:

My newspaper was delivered into my bird bath again this morning. This is unacceptable. As I’ve taken up this matter numerous times with the circulation department and have not received satisfaction, I am addressing this to you, the editorial board.

Please give this your immediate attention or I will be forced to cancel my subscription.

Oh, and on an unrelated note, Richard Brooks is an ass clown.

Yours truly,
Arnold Petry


Deer Mistur Brouks:

I red ur artikle. Eet was reel bad.

PCs stink. U stink.

I dru a pikture of u stinking.

Macs rool! Apple 4 eva!

Sincerely,
Rik Ford


Dear Mr. Brooks:

You #($*ing $*&@. $*#& your +$*#& and put it in a *#@% where you can *$&@^@&!&!*@&@ with a &#^@^. Your mother is a *#^@ who *#&@ *#&@s and likes to *#&@ with #&@^ while *=@^# a @&*# with her *&@! So why don’t you go #&@^! a $*#&@ and @*@&! your #*@& #*@&@ing #@&@, you #@*^.

*#&@ you.

And *#&@ your *@&!@# *&!^ and I hope Boba Fett &@^&! *@&# your &*@& &@*&.

Sincerely,
Ray Sturgill


Dear Sir:

I was highly offended by your description of Mac users as a “cult.” Yes, while many of us devote large amounts of time to memorizing obscure Mac texts, engage in ritualistic sex and are stockpiling weapons, we lack several crucial components of the modern cult.

Organization, for one. We are so unorganized it’s pathetic.

A set of codified bylaws that specify a hierarchy of command.

Um… robes.

I think that’s it. But still, not a cult.

I look forward to your correction.

Warmest regards,
Donald Kellar


Dear Richard Brooks:

Please contact us immediately regarding your outstanding balance from your student loan. Our records indicate that in 1982 you left a $10 balance outstanding. With interest you currently owe us $78,219.43.

Sincerely,
FM&L Loan Company


DEAR SIR:

I AM THE FORMER MINISTER OF ECONOMIC AFFAIRS FOR WEST AFRICAN DICTATOR LAURENT MKOWAI. I AM LOOKING FOR PARTNERS IN THE U.S. FOR A DISCREET BUSINESS TRANSACTION THAT WILL NET YOU SEVERAL HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS. IN ORDER TO GAIN ACCESS TO OVER $3.4 MILLION OF MY ASSETS THAT ARE LOCKED UP IN SWISS ACCOUNTS, I WILL NEED YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER AND ANY PASSWORDS.

AND I FIGURED AFTER THAT ARTICLE YOU WROTE, YOU’D BE STUPID ENOUGH TO GIVE IT TO ME.

PLUS, YOU’VE GOT THAT SCHOOL LOAN THING.

PLEASE RESPOND AT YOUR EARLIEST CONVENIENCE.

WITH COMPLIMENTS,
CHARLES NDAYU, FORMER MINISTER OF ECONOMIC AFFAIRS

34 Responses to “Columnist Sparks Ire Of Mac Community.”

  1. Streetrabbit says:

    2

  2. Bellidancer says:

    DAMN!!! I WAS RIGHT!

    Take the time to read the last post.

    I was oooh soo right.

    lousy THIRD

    yah what ever.

  3. MacStansbury says:

    hey, I just stopped in here to reload the page during the commercial break. low and behold, there’s a brand frickin’ new story, ready for commentating.

    what really sucks is that I was writing THE EXACT SAME THING, even with the IMAO.us style cartoon.

    It’s like a perfect convergence of my RSS reader, what with all the things contributing in some way…freaky, really. like they’ve all been spying on me. at all times of the night — even in my pajamas.

    “…how he got in my pajamas, I’ll never know…”

  4. Bellidancer says:

    Read the article. I don’t get it. These stories are supposed to be outrageously funny. This one just seems true.

    Some superintendents are Nazi-commie terrorists or at least insanely evil. This is nothing new. Many, many school districts have replaced Macs with PCs. That is not evil, that is job security for the IT department. Well actually it is evil, but so are the IT depts that push PCs.

    The letters are too literate. Only the second letter comes off as a real letter written by a graduate of the school district in question.

  5. Streetrabbit says:

    I’d like to retract my 2. It was silly and pointless. I have now read the post and…

    ***WARNING SERIOUS CONTENT***

    …as a PC guy, I bought myself a Powerbook a few months ago just because I could. Mainly because it was a sexy lookin’ son of a beach or ergonomically pleasing put another way. And I wanted a new learning experience, getting to know OS X and to find out if Macs really were superior to PCs.

    I’ve had few problems using XP and OS X together and have a network with both flavours living happily together.

    It won’t matter soon anyway according to http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/12/06/post_pc_era/

    ***END SERIOUS CONTENT***

    4th or later.

    If only I’d gone without lunch.

    Lunch. Huh. What a load of crap that was.

  6. michael says:

    I didn’t like Richard Brooks’ article either. He really didn’t know what he was talking about — just like CARS.

  7. Tulse says:

    Yeah, but CARS is funny.

    Usually.

    Well, sometimes.

  8. Richard Brooks says:

    Look all I was trying to say is that Apple computers are crap and educators shouldn’t be forced to feed this crap to impressionable young kiddies. It’s crap.

    Their hands are tied (the educators not the kiddies) and it’s crap.

    It’s all about choice and I’m pro choice and Apple is a bad choice.

    Now, please stop emailing me, stop drawing silly little pictures of me, stop following me, stop taunting me with your geeky white earphones and most of all stop with the flaming shit bags.

    Oh and another thing. I had a Newton once. Thought it might make life a little easier, organise my schedule that sort of thing. Crap. A piece of crap.

    Oh and ninth post YEE HAA…Idiots.

  9. John Moltz says:

    “Organise”?

    Holy crap, Richard Brooks is one o’ them ferners!

    Git ‘im, boys!

  10. UhhhDude says:

    Sure, let’s prepare those hapless students for real life. Give them crappy, bug-filled PCs just like the one Daddy curses at work. Let’s make sure they know that computing is NOT supposed to be fun.

    Either that, or Richard Brooks’ cousin is the IT director for that school district, and he really needs to keep his job to keep the parole officer off his back.

    Yeah, that must be it. Let’s tick off the WHOLE FRIGGIN MAC COMMUNITY because your no-account cousin needs to keep his job, and he won’t have a job if they use Macs.

    Ahem. Just so you know, that was speculation, mmmkay? Don’t email Richard Brooks and diss his cousin or whatever. I’m not paying your bail money this time.

  11. Richard Brooks says:

    Actually I was born on the Greek island of Lesvos (a lovely place to live, not quite as exciting as Mykanos though) where I spent many a long hot, steamy, sultry summer, on the beach playing patonk and developing an everlasting and deep rooted love of adjectives and adverbs.

    It was there I learned to despise the letter Z, especially when pronounced ZEE.

    This so fascinated me that I moved to the United States to further study the use of ZEE.

    Some may think this irrational, crasy even. But to me it has just become a way of life.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Zed?

  13. Anonymous says:

    I remember having this arguement…ohh when was that? Hmmm… let me think here…

    ohh yeah

    5TH GRADE!!!

    ohh yah, superintendents are by definition nazis…

    not commies though…that’s politically incorrect

  14. Anonymous says:

    “Zed? Who’s Zed?”

    “Zed’s dead.”

  15. Anonymous says:

    You know, we criticize Mr. Brooks, but he does have a point. There is no way to transfer a single file between a Mac and PC evar. Sure, it would be nice if the dominate brand of word processing software was available (and perhaps even superior) on the Mac, but sadly this isn’t the case.

    Oh, how I wish that when OS X was released, it was followed soon there after by a comparable version of a popular PC office software suite. But it wasn’t. And wishing it, won’t make it so.

    Besides, we all know that Mac systems are prone to “spyware” and “browser exploits” and “porn.” Do we really want these things in our schools?

  16. Streetrabbit says:

    No, No, Yes.

  17. Jasn(Yasn) says:

    Outrageous! why i’ll drive over there and give that “Mr. Brooks” a club to the back of the head… well i would… if i didn’t have that super secret barn raising at my local apple store… i’d club em good…. calling me a cultist… …Uh… pass the sacrificial powerbook would ya?

  18. Streetrabbit says:

    I would normally say Zed, but for the purpose of the post I said Zee to trick Moltz into thinking…..ooops.

  19. MMMMMMM. Swiss chocolate. says:

    Mr. Ndayu.

    May I inquire as to wether or not there is chocolate in that account of yours.

  20. Tristrami says:

    This is the classic CARS that has been lacking for some time: funny and yet vaguely mac-related — Not just non-sequitur All-caps monsters named GLARKUU or QWERTY or whatever from another dimension. Especially liked the obscure Ric Ford jab. Welcome back, Moltz!

  21. MacStansbury says:

    I, for one, welcome our new Microsoftian Educational Overlords

    and on another topic, I think it’s prime time for some browser exploits for the Macintosh! we already can’t get Word or Excel or Photoshop or anything like that, but at least we can get some sort of Comet Cursor.

  22. soosy says:

    When I got to the name “Rik Ford” I almost spat out my Coffee.

    Another wonderfully funny and topically relevant post.

    oh and teachers should be teaching COMPUTING CONCEPTS not SPECIFIC PLATFORMS.

  23. Joe says:

    >I was born on the Greek island of Lesvos

    On my map that island is spelled “Lesbos”… wonder what they do there all day?

  24. Steve Jobs says:

    Okay, so like I was reading Mr. Brook’s article and I thought “Is this CARS or what?”

  25. I take umbrage at the use of my letter in this article.

    If you want to use it, please at lease print it correctly.

    I said “and I hope that Boba Fett *&%%$^* and your (*&%$#$ at the same time with a *&^$####%* and a ()&^%$#)(*& “

  26. some guy says:

    if you havent responded to the idiocy that is this person, then you are missing out

    even better, get his email address and sign him up for a whole series of porn sites to try to get him fired!!!

    i guess sex bots could also be used

  27. Anonymous says:

    prime

  28. GLAARKU says:

    Dear Mr. NDAYU (FORMER MINISTER OF ECONOMIC AFFAIRS),

    How’s the weather in Nigeria? Oh, that’s nice. I would be pleased as punch to assist you in regaining access to your bulging bank account. I must admit I was slightly concerned that this may have been a hoax, at first, but since you took the time to post on CARS that sealed the deal for me. Also, my friend Steve says you’re a super guy and he’s heard all about “that guy from Nigeria who keeps sending [him] Spam” so you must be legit. I’m kinda slow, so I’m not sure if he was being sarcastic or not, but I love Spam. I could eat it all day long. Anyway, I could sure use that couple hundred grand you mentioned for some party hats and Star Wars Lego kits. Here’s my info, please let me know when I can expect my big fat check, bro?!

    Bank Account number:

    0575-8274763, checking

    Password:

    Semprini

    I’m going to start watching my checking account for when the big moment arrives!… nothing yet… damn, I have a fast connection. Where’s that guy with my money?…

  29. Streetrabbit says:

    “As seen in the pages of Macworld magazine!”

    Uhh!

    What’s this all about?

    Please God NO!….Not CREDIBILITY?

  30. Mac Cultist #097040 says:

    Hey if I was a cultist I would at least be a part of a cult wouldn’t I? As it is now the college I go to doesn’t own a single Mac. Let that sink in, a COLLEGE doesn’t own a SINGLE Mac. They do have a single Mac user though, me.

    So, I am here to testify that Mac users aren’t cultists. If we were cultists people would welcome me to at least one meeting. (Please)

    #097040

  31. MacStansbury says:

    “I love spam, and my name is Richard Brooks and I’m a big fat stupid-head.”

    Ya know, it feels good to write that, just for once.

    /me getting quoted out of context

  32. Anonymous says:

    Macworld credible? Pah!