While the Mac web is abuzz with rumors of a new flash media-based iPod to be released at Macworld San Francisco, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has confirmed that the new device will set another standard in Apple design while being nearly impossible to use.
According to sources, the flash iPod will be a roughly egg-shaped device featuring just the scroll-wheel portion of the current iPods and, in a space-saving move, will have no screen. The entire device measures just 1 and 1/2 inches by 2 inches.
Earlier today at a top-secret meeting on the Apple campus, a serious debate took place about the flash iPod.
“No, look, it’s easy,” argued iPod Division Senior Vice President Jon Rubinstein. “You just lay it in your palm and turn the scroll wheel while pushing the… pushing the…
“Chris, it won’t stay still. It just keeps… Turn and… Son of a bitch.”
“Um… it’s easier if you put two fingers on the…” offered Chris Green, an iPod hardware engineer.
“Yeah, but every time I try to do that I get a cramp in my thumb,” Rubinstein protested.
Green reached out to assist but Rubinstein pulled the iPod away from him.
“Wait, no, I can do this. I… just… need to push… the… DAMMIT!”
In addition to being monumentally difficult to use manually, the flash iPod, with no screen, is impossible to interpret visually.
“OK, so now it’s playing ‘Holiday’ by Green Day…” Rubinstein said. “How do I get it to play, say, ‘Mayor of Simpleton’ by XTC?”
The gathered engineers shifted uncomfortably in their chairs and exchanged sideways glances.
“Um, yeah, see, we haven’t really figured that part out yet,” Green admitted. “You… could… just keep clicking through the songs…?”
“Well…” Rubinstein said, “It does look totally cool.”
The engineers broke into smiles.
“Cool! Yeah. Looks cool.”