Hard to believe, but it’s been three years to the day that the first Crazy Apple Rumors Site post went up!
Today is our third anniversary!
Yes, three… long… long years.
Three years… gone. Poof. Like that.
I’m sorry, but you know how you always envisioned the future as a kid and everyone was all wearing jet packs and eating Space Food Sticks and your best friend was a robot and you went on cool adventures and there was the drunk engineer who was the comic relief and then some sultry but still kind of girl-next-door babe in a tight leotard who was your girlfriend and stuff?
This is totally like that!
Oh, man, I don’t know what you’ve heard about the Apple rumor business but it is a non-stop thrill ride of epic proportions! Like, last week, Howard and I broke into Apple in an ultimately vain attempt to get pictures of the new flash-based iPod. Oh, man, it was like Ocean’s 12.
Except there were only two of us.
And he’s a dog.
And, truth be told, we didn’t technically “break into Apple”. We got wrestled to the ground in the parking lot by some rent-a-cops and then had to give them our names and they called my parents who came to pick us up. But still… it was kind of a bad-assed, you know… um… brush with the law.
Well, OK, not technically the law, but these guys could have called the law and then it would have been.
Oh! Here’s a better example. The Entity introduced me to some space aliens the other day. Yep. Just like that. Totally out of the blue. I have no idea what they were doing in the office, despite the fact that I’ve asked him about a zillion times to bring this up before hand because many of them have special dietary and atmospheric needs.
It’s hard to get 3,000 cubic meters of a gaseous ammonium/methane mix on short notice.
But meeting these alien creatures totally didn’t faze me. I just shook one of their many hands and said it was a pleasure to meet them. No big deal. That’s how much I’ve grown as a person over the last three years.
You know… thinking about it now… I hope that was a hand.
There was an uncomfortable silence for a second there. And they did seem to really like me after that. That one was following me around for hours.
The Entity is himself, of course, an extra-terrestrial, but after three years it’s hard to think of him like that anymore. He’s just… the Entity.
You know, like, when you were growing up and there was that one kid in class who had been in a commercial and you thought it would be totally cool to be his friend ’cause he could introduce you to William Shatner and you’d get a part on Star Trek and get to play with all the props and stuff and then you find out that the kid is really just this sort of sad figure that his parents are living through and eventually you blow him off because he’s kind of a downer to be around?
Which, of course, probably didn’t help him any.
Man, why do you always have to be like that? You are so shallow.
Anyway, it’s no biggy being around the Entity anymore.
Except for all the static electricity. I could live without that. I’m on my third PowerBook in about six weeks.
But, all in all, the past three years have been a blast!
Which makes it so painful for me to announce that…
CARS is closing its doors and ceasing publication effective immediately!
Nah, I’m just kidding. As a matter of fact, our empire is growing. If you pick up the January edition of Macworld you’ll find us in the Mac Beat section and in an ongoing presence on the back page handling the “What’s Hot” section.
So, if you don’t count the impending Cyber-Apocalypse and the threat of imminent invasion from Tentaculous, the giant octopus-like creature at the center of the galaxy, things couldn’t be better for the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site!
Thanks for reading!
But enough about us. Let’s talk about you.
I hear your grades have been falling and you’ve been acting sullen and detached. What’s that all about?