13 Jan 05Do Not Ask For Whom The Bells Toll, They Do Not Toll For Thee.


OK, I just couldn’t stay on the sidelines about this one. I had to rush out here, skin bleeding and all, and weigh in on this subject.

There’s been a lot of talk about Dvorak’s recent praise of the Mac Mini being the final sign of the coming Cyber-Apocalypse. Indeed, some have even gone so far as to speculate such without properly crediting Crazy Apple Rumors, the site that first brought the Cyber-Apocalypse to the attention of the Mac community.

Let me state this as unequivocably as I can:

I like big butts.

Um, wait. That’s true, but that’s not what I meant to say. I meant to save that for later for an exposé on the turn-ons and turn-offs of the CARS staff.

What I meant to say is that Dvorak long ago relinquished his ability to act as harbinger to the Cyber-Apocalypse.

Think about it.

Big butts. They just make sense.

No.

Wait.

Sorry.

Back on track now.

The guy relentlessly bashes Apple beyond all reason for years. It was just too obvious that he’d have the opposite of a Sister Souljah moment.

“Luke, I am your father!”

“You’re not my father!”

Dooj! Wrreaaaaaaarrrrrrnnnnn! Fzzzzt! Skzzzzzzzzzt!

“Luke, you’ve got to save yourself!”

“No! I’ve got to save you!”

“You already have! Tell your sister! You were right! You were riiiiiiiight!

That kind of thing. Except in the form of an almost tepid endorsement of the Mac Mini.

So don’t get all bent out of shape.

Remember, we’re the site to come to for all your Cyber-Apocalypse needs. We’ll tell you when the Cyber-Apocalypse is coming.

Um, plus you’ll notice that it’s raining blood and there will be robots everywhere trying to kill all humanity.

That should be a dead giveaway.

76 Responses to “Do Not Ask For Whom The Bells Toll, They Do Not Toll For Thee.”

  1. Homer says:

    Hmmmmmmm………..doughnuts

  2. Anonymous says:

    Bad cop! No doughnut!

  3. Huck says:

    Hmmmmmmm………..eleven.

  4. greenacres says:

    News at eleve…oh, you meant the 11th post, so long ago…days…

  5. The Invisible Evil Boys' Choir says:

    Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak!

    Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak!

    Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak!

    Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak! Dvorak!

  6. Streetrabbit says:

    Verisimilitude.

  7. Psyko says:

    Hey, you guys need to get off topic. I will not stand for you to blatantly disregard the rules like that. I know that you know that you are not to follow any sort of topic and you are all doing just that. You are all staying consistently off topic, which means you are all on topic. So just quit now or I will have to ask our friend Moltz to remove you from the post. (Of course I don’t think he really cares about anything I have to say. So you are probably safe.)

  8. The Phantom says:

    And now for something completely different.

  9. Del says:

    Ok, I managed to sneak Psyko’s rocket launcher away from him. I’m the only one allowed to blow up the Mega Post. See it’s in my contract. Right next to where it says I’m allowed to burn up Bill.

    Ok so Bellidancer if I promise our robot overlords not to have children I can have a big screen TV, iPod and lots of other cool technology?

  10. Del says:

    I’ve read the article again ( I know I’m breaking a cardinal rule by doing that and then posting on it), but doesn’t Moltz’s comments seem robotic?

    I mean “Dooj! Wrreaaaaaaarrrrrrnnnnn! Fzzzzt! Skzzzzzzzzzt!” doesn’t that sound suspiciously like hard drive Yeti noises? The conversation is very reminiscent of one I had with A.L.I.C.E. not that long ago. Also he/it is trying to make us believe the Cyber-Apocalypse is not nigh, yet appliances are turning against their masters. (It must be true I read about it on The Register).

    I think the robots have taken over CARS in order to lull us into a false sense of security while they take us over. Wait I think my mouse is eyeing me funny. I swear it just moved a little closer to my hand.

    OHH NO the cord, it’s wrapping around my neck. Thank God I can still type. Someone anyone help me. OH the humanity.

    Must warn others… must grab mouse and click post……………..

  11. Ohhh……..Yeah…….Baby

    I’ve been wanting you for so long.

  12. Bellidancer says:

    Del, the point isn’t you get all the high tech goodies if you forego children, the point is you can’t afford them if you have children. DINKs are the prime example, Christmas on the beach in Fiji instead of at the in-laws in Modesto and a thousand dollar a month payments goes towards a sports car instead of child care.

    And, damn it Del, as a poor underpaid tech support laborer, you should know how dangerous a wired mouse is! Now especially when we can purchase inexpensive wireless mice there is no excuse for being garrotted by ones mouse.

  13. t says:

    Hello? um… Hello? I got a pizza here for an Ugluk? hello? HELLO!?

    http://blog.monkeymethods.org/2005/01/bill-gates-strikes-pose-for-teen-beat.html

  14. Psyko says:

    QUACK!!

  15. Huck says:

    Whuh-oh, it looks like *someone* got eaten cuz the front page is about as lively as a blue screen of death. Anyone for a moltzburger courtesy of some big tentacley thing somewhere spacey looking?

  16. Psyko says:

    Huck, I don’t think that Moltz is gone. If he were gone he wouldn’t be able to ignore us like he is. He definitely has to still be alive and kicking in order to ignore us.

  17. Waffles!

    With rich creamy high definition butter!

  18. Del says:

    Oh guys it turns out I’m ok. The reason the mouse was eying me funny is because it was actually a mouse. You know brown and furry with a tail and such. It was mad because I kept grabbing it and squeezing it. I wondered why it kept making those weird noises. It also turns out it was just wrapping it’s tail around me to get extra support so it didn’t fall off my shoulder once it hopped up there.

    That also explains why my scroll wheel hasn’t been working properly. We worked it out though. I introduced it to the Mega-Post so it could live in Cheez Whiz heaven and it promised not to attack me anymore.

  19. Psyko says:

    Death to mices!

  20. The Phantom says:

    Or is it death to meeces?

  21. Bill Eccles says:

    Just don’t go after moose. They are considerably more dangerous.

    Though they _are_ wireless.

  22. =j says:

    Moose Moose

    I like a Moose.

    I’ve never had anything

    quite like a Moose.

    I’ve had many lovers.

    my life has been loose.

    But I’ve never had anything

    quite like a Moose.

    eh?

  23. Psyko says:

    Did you know that the first part of Moose is “Moo?” Which rhymes with “Boo.” So, boo on you. 😀

  24. Streetrabbit says:

    Even older post post.

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