Concerned Apple employees noted today that someone is stuck on Infinite Loop.
A white Ford Escort with Nevada plates has been driving around in a circle since early morning, a horrified driver at the wheel apparently unsure of how to exit.
Despite its awe-inspiring name, however, Infinite Loop is little more than a glorified roundabout.
“It’s not really infinite,” noted Apple engineer John Vink, who was part of a crowd of Apple employees that was quickly gathering to watch the spectacle. “It’s just a circle.”
Pausing to watch the white Escort pass by again, its driver paralyzed with a silent scream upon his lips, Vink pondering his words.
“On the other hand, if you don’t turn off of it, I guess it could be infinite. You could just go around and around and around and around…”
Vink shuddered.
“What a way to go.”
Several Apple employees tried running after the car, which is only moving at the posted 10-mile-per-hour speed limit, and encouraging the driver to turn right onto Mariani Avenue, but have given up after multiple attempts.
“He’s frozen,” said Ron Okamoto, Vice President of Worldwide Developer Relations. “I’ve seen this before. He’ll never get out. He’ll just keep going around… forever.
“Or until he runs out of gas, I guess. But still… it’s kind of spooky. Just the thought of a guy going around forever, entombed in a white Escort…
“That’s why I have a Beemer. If I’m going to spend eternity in my car, it’s going to have leather seats and allow me to change songs on my iPod from the steering wheel. That poor sap probably doesn’t even have cruise control.”
A Cupertino police car arrived on the scene and began following the Escort with its lights flashing.
“Ooh, here it comes!” said an unidentified member of the crowd, which inexplicably was all gathered at one small stretch of sidewalk.
“Ooooooooooooohhhhh!” they said in unison as the car approached.
As the Escort passed they added “Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!”
More on this alarming situation as it develops.