15 Jun 05Apple on Intel Deal: FACE!


In a startling turn of events, Apple announced today that the entirety of last week’s momentous announcement that the company was switching to processors from Intel was nothing but an elaborate prank.

At a press conference today, a visibly pleased Apple CEO Steve Jobs revelled in the moment.

Rolling on the floor and laughing, Jobs howled “Oh, my god, you should have seen your face! Ha-ha-ha-ha! That was classic! Classic!

Jobs pulled himself up off the floor in order to high-five and then low-five Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller.

“This is something Phil and I cooked up about six months ago,” Jobs explained. “The hardest part was getting [Intel CEO] Paul Otellini to go along with it.

“I was like, dude, you’ve got to! And he was like, uhhh, I dunno, we might get in trouble. And then Phil was like, dude, don’t be a wuss.”

“Ha-ha!” Schiller laughed. “Wuss!”

“Shut up, dude,” Jobs said sternly. “So he did it! Ha-ha! I couldn’t believe it!”

According to sources, the entire lead up (including reports indicating the two companies were in negotiations), last Monday’s announcement and the details that have come out in the past week were all a ruse to dupe Mac users and members of the technology industry.

Many in the technology industry were not amused.

“That’s not funny,” said a red-faced Infoworld columnist Tom Yager. “You know… you know… you think you’re so funny. But you’re not.”

Yager then bolted from the room in tears prompting howls of laughter from Jobs and Schiller.

Mac users, meanwhile, feigned nonchalance about today’s revelation.

“Oh, I knew that,” said Your Mac Life’s Shawn King. “I totally knew that.

“Pff. Intel. Right! As if!”

No Responses to “Apple on Intel Deal: FACE!”

  1. Bellidancer says:

    First…. AGAIN!?!??!

  2. Bellidancer says:

    I’m just glad that Aston guy didn’t come out on stage.

  3. one says:

    Oh…. two then.

  4. two says:

    Or three rather.

  5. five says:

    and four and five.

  6. Bellidancer says:

    We all suspect that this is how Alpha Geeks behave. Alpha Geeks are no better than Jocks.

  7. seven says:

    … and “we all” would be what category of peeps?

  8. Bellidancer says:

    This is the second prank Jobs has pulled this quarter. Remember April 1st? Totally didn’t expect that one. Of course it wasn’t as big as “Intel”, but maybe Steve has just warming up.

  9. nein says:

    Nein… don’t remember… refresh?

  10. we all says:

    Ordinary computer geeks. People that OWN computers, not OWN companies that MAKE computers. People that, if they are lucky, get a monthly gas allowance to pay for using their own cars to drive to assignments, not people who are provided incredibly expensive jet airplanes to fly around the world.

  11. y'all says:

    That’d surely be the posters in here (except for the persistent Gates, of course)… except… gas allowance? Wow.

  12. Bellidancer says:

    Darn it, Streetrabbit. Life distracted me at a critical moment or I would have gone for the eleventh.

    Anyway….

    April First…. Remember how EVERYONE just knew Apple would be announcing Tiger on April 1st. All the rumor sites thought so. ..

    So what happened? Nothing…nada…zip. But it was a stylish, Jobsian nothing. Jobs rubbed the rumor sites’ noses in the fact that he was “The Man” and no one could steal his thunder.

  13. yo' momma says:

    Oh baby! Thirteenthest!

  14. Daviid says:

    Yeah, I knew it was a joke all along. See, ’cause Steve called me before and he was like, oh man, you’re gonna love this! And I was like, What!? And he was like, it’s so great! And I was like, WHAT!? And he was like…

  15. jinzo012 says:

    I know how to fly one of those “Jet Airplanes” you speak of

  16. ...House says:

    If only it were true…(sob, whimper). However, since I actually like Blue Man Group (especially since it was reported that they use Macs to manage their performances, see link). So now, with Intel soon to be (gulp) inside, I’ll no longer have to be embarrassed about their willingness to shill for the abettors of the dark side – just about my artistic tastes in general….

  17. Streetrabbit says:

    Life can do that to you if you let it. Resist. Remember better to have no life than one that may disappoint you.

  18. Bellidancer says:

    I like the Blue Man Group too. And I am comforted that I won’t be conflicted at enjoying a group that shills for Intel. I know some of the gags in the original P#$@%# ads came from their show.(Musical Tubes) Does anyone know if any of the gags in the current ads come from their show?

  19. starmax4ever says:

    good …. now they can release the quad g6’s and sli or whatever it is we keep hoping for.

  20. Carl says:

    This was a good idea. I would have liked to seem more small, funny details in the implementation, but overall I’m satisfied. Well played CARS. Well played.

  21. Ozi says:

    I knew it! 😀 It is obvious that Apple has been playing us all, and I wisely saw through it. It was good fun though! 🙂

    Love your work, Steve!

  22. Ozi says:

    I knew it! 😀 It is obvious that Apple has been playing us all, and I wisely saw through it. It was good fun though! 🙂

    Love your work, Steve!

  23. Brother Mugga says:

    Next year’s WWDC:

    Stevie and Phil suggest delegates put their heads down the toilet to see if they can see the ‘Blue Goldfish’.

    (Or possibly the ‘Blue Goldfish Group’)

  24. michael says:

    I’m so glad it was just a joke. It all seemed so real.

  25. Crazy Blue Man Group Rumours Site says:

    Blue Man Group, in their keynote at the Blue Man Group Developers Conference, has announced that they are switching to Teal. In fact, they’ve been secretly rehearsing in Teal for two years now as a contingency in the event that supplies of Blue faltered.

    The cosmetics industry reacted with disbelief and running mascara.

  26. greenacres says:

    Oh, great, and I just sold all my Apple stock. Thanks Steve! (ok, I did make a tidy profit…)

  27. Citizen Of Trantor says:

    This is all well and good, but I still don’t get new episodes of The Shield until 2006. Live THAT hellish existence, I tell you, and THEN you may judge me. Oh, wait, you all are…

  28. John Dvorak says:

    You bastards! You set me up! I was right for the first time in recent history and it turns out to be a prank?!!

    I’ll get you for this!

  29. HA! Oh, man, do I look like more of an idiot than usual. Good gag, Jobs, but not as good as the time I had a summer intern drop a deuce inside Balmer’s office machine!!! Oh crap, that was funny! It was at least a month before the smell went away.

  30. Jow says:

    All you people who belived apple, why do you suddenly belive this site? When it’s saying someone else was having a joke … -___-

    I’ll be waiting for this to be announced on the Apple site before I belive anything.

  31. You’re new here, aren’t you?

    I like pie.

  32. Walking Contradiction says:

    Blue Man Group? BLUE MAN GROUP? You’ve got to be kidding me, didn’t mime die with the 30’s? So here we are in the next CENTURY and our next best latest and greatest idea is to paint freakin mimes BLUE?

    Next thing you’ll tell me is Apple is turning over to the dark side and running Intel inside. Oh wait, you already did.

    Maybe I should shoot myself in the head and find a way to install Windoze 95 on these new Mac-Intel’s. Now that’s advancement!

    😉

  33. Bellidancer says:

    Wait a minute. WC!

    The Blue Man Group isn’t a mime act… its a DRUMMING act! Its a causal destruction act. Its a bizarre aliens are among us act. Its a paint splattering, mind exploding, eardrum shattering act.

    Geez. Mimes…

  34. SQ3 says:

    It’s a breath mint.

  35. scared monster says:

    Too late! I already took all of the PPC chips of my iMac to put P III instead.

    Well, it doesn’t work well. The computer lies in a corner and glimpses at me with something looking like resentment. Maybe a little hate, too. Anyway, it doesn’t work. At all. Although the black smoke that’s filling the room doesn’t help to see. And that smell, too!

    Someone to traduce latin spoken backward?

    Wht means ‘!!enim si hctib elttil eht’

  36. Mmmmmm, pie says:

    Mmmmmmm, pie! Maybe if they aren’t switching to Intel chips after all, they would consider running OS X.5 on pie? Here’s hoping…(drool!)