Apple steeled itself today and finally did what it had been putting off for a week and a half: it told the PowerPC it was breaking it off.
Insisting time and time again “It’s not you. It’s me!” the company did its best to be gentle with the RISC processor that’s been the heart and soul of the Macintosh for ten years.
“Oh, don’t cry,” Apple said, putting a hand on the processor. “Look, I have a lot of issues.”
Despite the PowerPC’s frequent charges that there must be someone else, Apple declined to mention its budding romance with Intel.
“I just need to work some stuff out on my own,” the company lied, looking at its watch and trying to remember what time it was supposed to meet Intel.
Eventually, Apple falsely indicated there might be a chance the company and processor might be reconciled just to end the uncomfortable conversation.
“I just couldn’t take it,” Apple said. “The PowerPC just kept crying and asking what it did. I just had to get out of there.”
“Apple is a complete ho,” said ARM, a close friend of the PowerPC. “First it’s the 680×0, then it’s the PowerPC, and now it’s Intel. Apple’s always just interested in what a processor can give it, not what it can give a processor.”
While Apple admitted that it had some issues with commitment, it denied that it was just using the processors that have been put into Macintosh computers over the years.
“It’s totally not like that,” Apple said. “I really respected each and every one of them.
“Like… um… the 68… uh… wait. The 68… um… 20… niner… Well, whatever it’s name was, I respected the hell out of it.”
While supportive of Apple’s decision to switch to Intel processors, the company’s friend Gary admitted that it was slightly disturbed to see the company checking out some AMD processors early this morning and saying “Oooh. I’d like to git me somma that!”