16 Jun 05Apple Tells PowerPC It's Over


Apple steeled itself today and finally did what it had been putting off for a week and a half: it told the PowerPC it was breaking it off.

Insisting time and time again “It’s not you. It’s me!” the company did its best to be gentle with the RISC processor that’s been the heart and soul of the Macintosh for ten years.

“Oh, don’t cry,” Apple said, putting a hand on the processor. “Look, I have a lot of issues.”

Despite the PowerPC’s frequent charges that there must be someone else, Apple declined to mention its budding romance with Intel.

“I just need to work some stuff out on my own,” the company lied, looking at its watch and trying to remember what time it was supposed to meet Intel.

Eventually, Apple falsely indicated there might be a chance the company and processor might be reconciled just to end the uncomfortable conversation.

“I just couldn’t take it,” Apple said. “The PowerPC just kept crying and asking what it did. I just had to get out of there.”

“Apple is a complete ho,” said ARM, a close friend of the PowerPC. “First it’s the 680×0, then it’s the PowerPC, and now it’s Intel. Apple’s always just interested in what a processor can give it, not what it can give a processor.”

While Apple admitted that it had some issues with commitment, it denied that it was just using the processors that have been put into Macintosh computers over the years.

“It’s totally not like that,” Apple said. “I really respected each and every one of them.

“Like… um… the 68… uh… wait. The 68… um… 20… niner… Well, whatever it’s name was, I respected the hell out of it.”

While supportive of Apple’s decision to switch to Intel processors, the company’s friend Gary admitted that it was slightly disturbed to see the company checking out some AMD processors early this morning and saying “Oooh. I’d like to git me somma that!”

24 Responses to “Apple Tells PowerPC It's Over”

  1. Bellidancer says:

    WooHoo!!!

    First

    Three Days in a ROW!!!!

    First First First First First First First First First First First First First First First First First

    First First First First First First First First First First First First First First First First First

    First First First First First First First First First First First First First First First First First

  2. Streetrabbit says:

    Bellidancer do you have the Invisible Boys with you?

    Don’t forget their mummies said they’ve to be home by 10.

  3. Bellidancer says:

    Well, it is sad to see how fickle Apple has become. It stayed with the 6800 family for over a decade. But since then, it hasn’t stuck with any family for more than four years.

  4. Aimon says:

    Fifth Baby!

  5. Bellidancer says:

    I don’t mess with invisible boys OR their mummes.

  6. My dear boy, while I am most impressed by your humanising of the corporation, I am less impressed by your grammar or lack thereof.

    “for a week and half:”

    “The PowerPC just keep crying”

    Such utterances belie the otherwise impeccable discourse and moral fibre shown in your essay.

  7. PoisedNoise says:

    Glad to hear it.

    How can Apple call the PowerPC and then put it’s hand on the processor? That’s a mighty impressive piece of telephonic technology Apple has there – what is it – an alpha of iChat v.26?

  8. The Teasy-Weaser says:

    You little tease, Apple. You know you _love_ it!

    Numero nino!

  9. Ace Deuce says:

    Nth!

  10. Bellidancer says:

    eleventh!!!!1

  11. Always the Bridesmaid says:

    Bum! Missed two elevenths in a row!

  12. Ace Deuce says:

    “Eying”?

  13. Bellidancer says:

    OK! Eleventh TWICE in ONE day!!!!

    *silly dancing*

    Oh Yah! Who’s your daddy!

    *Ugly displays of geek joy*

  14. The Law of Fives says:

    Hey man, enjoy it while you may – haven’t you heard of the curse of the double 11? (Shudder) There are things that man was not meant to know, and the joys of a double 11th posting is one of those. I mean think about it – 11×2 is one less than 23, and we all know why that is, right?

  15. John C. Randolph says:

    The 6502 still gets a faraway look in its eyes…

    -jcr

  16. John C. Randolph says:

    The 6502 still gets a faraway look in its eyes…

    -jcr

  17. Apple's friend Gary says:

    ¡ SEGUNDO !

  18. blank says:

    Yeah, and the 65816 still calls at all hours drunk. That chip is a mean drunk too. Seems it was told something about “Apple II forever!” and took it literally.

    Last time it was in the same room with the 68000 family, the cops had to be called to break up the brawl. Now there’s a restraining order. Too bad really.

  19. OH the Humanity! says:

    I have heard that the PPC is a complete slut with lesbian tendencies. She’s seeing Sony right now! as we speak! Oh… and she diddles any server that comes along.

    My God… when will it end???!!!

    She was so cute as a child with her button nose and big blue eyes.

    *sob*

  20. greenacres says:

    Hey, Bellidancer, I got 2 eleven’s in one day, top that! (I don’t really care, just spouting some playground challenges that…that…Oh, damn, I DO care! Take that Belli-boy!) What was the topic again?! Ya know, I heard that Apple used to try to cool off it’s PowerPC playmate, but it just wasn’t possible. She was TOO much for Apple to handle and after the emasculation, well, I don’t blame Apple for leaving. Apple just doesn’t have it where it counts. So sad. Say, does anyone know if she’s dating anyone exclusively yet? Microsoft? Nintendo? Sony? Man, 3 on one…whew….

  21. Bellidancer says:

    neener-neener, greenarces.

    Look, the G3 was (is) a good ole girl. Reliable, dependable, cool!!! She was always there when you needed her.

    The G4… total tease. All promise… no delivery. Like a high school cheerleader if you weren’t the quarterback.

    The G5… Totally a hottie, but still a tease.

  22. John Moltz says:

    I would like to apologize for all the typos in this particular story.

    I would like to, however, I learned long ago that if I apologize for everything I do when I’m drunk I’m not going to have time to do anything else.

  23. Ace Deuce says:

    Mr. Moltz, would that you had hired a copy editor instead of Thor Sampson. The more horses you have in the stable, the more hands you need manning the pitchforks.