Apple Delivers New iPod Lineup, iTunes 4.9

Apple today revamped its iPod lineup, consolidating the iPod and iPod photo lines, and delivering iTunes 4.9 which includes podcasting.

But according to director of iPod marketing Stan Ng, not only is the whole white iPod lineup all-photo, so is the iPod mini lineup as well as the shuffle.

“The iPod mini will lend a retro ’80s feel to your pictures,” said Ng.

“Look!” he said, holding a green iPod mini up to display a black and white picture on its tiny screen. “It’s 1989! Weeeee!”

Drawing no reaction from the gathered media, Ng continued by claiming that photos on the iPod shuffle would lend an existentialist feel to one’s pictures.

“Existentialism is the study of all reality, visible and invisible. Your pictures will exist on the shuffle just as they exist on the color iPods. Deep thinkers don’t need to ogle over their photos like grubby insects. Only needy materialists need to see their photos.

“Um… which is not to say people who buy white iPods are needy materialists. Or grubby insects.

“I probably shouldn’t have said that.”

Ng concluded by noting that the new version of iTunes would deliver podcasts of the collected works of Jean Paul Sartre, Albert Camus and Samuel Beckett, which Ng noted will not be available for download by the white iPod-owning petty bourgeoisie.

“Ah, dammit, I did it again.”