28 Jun 05Apple Delivers New iPod Lineup, iTunes 4.9

Apple today revamped its iPod lineup, consolidating the iPod and iPod photo lines, and delivering iTunes 4.9 which includes podcasting.

But according to director of iPod marketing Stan Ng, not only is the whole white iPod lineup all-photo, so is the iPod mini lineup as well as the shuffle.

“The iPod mini will lend a retro ’80s feel to your pictures,” said Ng.

“Look!” he said, holding a green iPod mini up to display a black and white picture on its tiny screen. “It’s 1989! Weeeee!”

Drawing no reaction from the gathered media, Ng continued by claiming that photos on the iPod shuffle would lend an existentialist feel to one’s pictures.

“Existentialism is the study of all reality, visible and invisible. Your pictures will exist on the shuffle just as they exist on the color iPods. Deep thinkers don’t need to ogle over their photos like grubby insects. Only needy materialists need to see their photos.

“Um… which is not to say people who buy white iPods are needy materialists. Or grubby insects.

“I probably shouldn’t have said that.”

Ng concluded by noting that the new version of iTunes would deliver podcasts of the collected works of Jean Paul Sartre, Albert Camus and Samuel Beckett, which Ng noted will not be available for download by the white iPod-owning petty bourgeoisie.

“Ah, dammit, I did it again.”

No Responses to “Apple Delivers New iPod Lineup, iTunes 4.9”

  1. The One says:


  2. K.S. says:


  3. Evil Monkey says:


  4. Senator K says:

    Uno, dos, tres, quardorce!

    Turn me up , captain

  5. Aimon says:

    Top five!!!!

    Didn’t read the article so can’t make any witty comment about it, but i’ll go and read it now.

  6. Streetrabbit says:

    Third (now)

    For the longest time I carried my photos, music and personal information around in a banana. While others swanked around with their Pocket PCs and Smartphones, I’d go to meetings and place my banana on the table in front of me.

    It was completely compatable with all Windows and Mac OSes and I never had any cross platform connection/syncing problems.

    Now the banana has returned to the Earth (via a sticky mess in my right pocket) I’m in need of a new existential PIM. The iPod shuffle sounds just the job.

    My only concern is will it survive being dipped in gravy?

    Seventh, Eighth or possibly Eleventh.

  7. Appleswitch says:

    Safari bookmarks bar RSS feeds rock, you can see exactly when the feed updates! (I read the article and still got 5th post)

  8. PoisedNoise says:

    …in your own warped RSS existential universe that is. I make it eighth.

    And mine is ninth.

  9. Patrick Murphy says:

    maybe someone here could do a serious article about why so many iPods are skipping songs and so many owners are ticked off. Hundreds of angry users have posted messages about the freezing/skipping/reset/restore problem. Nobody at Apple seems to care.

  10. gingersex says:

    I was looking forward to Ham. (top 10?)

  11. gingersex says:

    Doh. 11

  12. Aaron says:

    How come the picture of the Entity isn’t a link back to the main http://www.crazyapplerumors.com page? I had to go into the URL bar and actually delete the rest of the URL to get it to work. How depressing.

  13. one man and his mac says:

    interesting stand Ng takes. maybe we’ll soon be seeing a cheap mass-produced red iPod for the proletarian masses? pre-loaded with the works of Lenin, Marx and Trotsky perhaps. and maybe a limited edition one signed by the original soviet government.

    if it came with a hammer and sickle on it, i’d buy it.

  14. Ace Deuce says:


    My earbuds take holographic brainscans.

  15. Ace Deuce says:

    And I just noticed that Patrick Murphy said “serious article.”

    On CARS. Good one, Patrick!

  16. Streetrabbit says:

    I like skipping songs.

    Ingle Angle Silver Bangle is my favourite.

  17. Nnnnz says:

    Perhaps they’ll produce a Genkis Khan model. Our Tony Bliar would buy it.

  18. Nnnnz says:

    CARS and Moltz are to blame. Another big download. Everytime they mention iPod, there’s more to come down the broadband. British Telecomms are accusing me of filling the local exchange with ham sandwiches and bits of chips.

  19. Less Moore says:

    It’s hard for me to think of anything less existential than a non-existent photograph. Of course, it’s hard for me to think period.

  20. i drink therefore i am says:

    Less Moore, any relation to Sir Tom?

    If you’re thinking period, try a sex change operation.

  21. Anonymous says:

    Sarte Cookbook

    or what to do with the banana when the battery dies.


  22. Del says:

    I’m glad I bought my iSophagus (www.sluggy.com) before they went to the ham version. Sure the ham version has twice the capacity, but even if I wasn’t vegan I think I’d find having a hunk of ham lodged in my throat creepy. Of course I don’t see anything wrong with having a hunk of plastic electronics in there.

  23. Jean Paul S says:

    Finally, someone explained what existentialism is without the BS.

  24. pv trk says:

    woz up wit perversiontracker?????

  25. jonny depp says:

    mnbyondart.com , Ithaca, NY Copyright 2001 Cahners Business

    http://jenifer-aniston.byondart.com/jenifer-aniston.html _ Information.Is it verse or is it fiction? jenifer aniston What a question. The most essential fact

    http://los-angeles-dodger.byondart.com/los-angeles-dodger.html buy los angeles dodger is that this is a story, a love story told

    http://baltimore-oriole.byondart.com/baltimore-oriole.html baltimore oriole online by poet and novelist Carson (Men in the Off

    http://ronaldinho.byondart.com/ronaldinho.html order ronaldinho Hours, 2000, etc.) in 29 brief, lyrical “tangos”

    http://apocalyptica.byondart.com/apocalyptica.html buy apocalyptica online (which are kind of like stanzas, only a lot

    http://prinz.byondart.com/prinz.html _ more romantic) that have little quotations prinz from Keats in front of each. Basically, it’s

    http://micheal-jordan.byondart.com/micheal-jordan.html buy micheal jordan Girl-meets-Boy, Girl-gets-Boy, Girl-and-Boy-grow-old-and-get-tired-of-each-other.

    http://racquets.byondart.com/racquets.html racquets online A marriage, in other words. Narrated mostly

    http://campiglio.byondart.com/campiglio.html order campiglio by the wife, it becomes quickly lugubrious

    http://cristina-applegate.byondart.com/cristina-applegate.html buy cristina applegate online in a sort of Liv Ullmann/Sylvia Plath-ish

    http://romario.byondart.com/romario.html _ kind of way (“I believe / your taxi is here romario she said. / He looked down at the street.

    http://rackets.byondart.com/rackets.html buy rackets She was right. It stung him, / the pathos

    http://madona.byondart.com/madona.html madona online of her keen hearing”), but it is a vivid

    http://maiden.byondart.com/maiden.html order maiden portrait all the same, razor-sharp and as

    http://sepultura.byondart.com/sepultura.html buy sepultura online byondart.comnm

  26. Sardon says:

    Does anybody here actually read the article before posting? Cause, um, nobody even pointed out that iPod Shuffles are, you know, WHITE.